BioShock has finally been released to universal praise, most calling it the game of the year, and that can only mean one thing: it's time for Mr. Cynic to rain on the parade and set the record straight.
Have Wrench, Will Travel
At first I was getting in to the whole idea of finding different weapons and modifying them until it eventually dawned on me that I was wasting my time. The wrench is simply more effective at dealing out death than any other weapon in the game, more so if you pump up your wrench buffs. Considering the mutated mobs in BioShock relish running around like the cast of Cirque du Soleil, they make for hard targets to hit when using a projectile weapon but they fold like a cheap suit when hit with a plumbing tool. You could, if you wanted, run through the entire game with nothing more than a wrench. It's superior at taking out turrets, bashing in security cameras and caving in craniums, more so than any shotgun, crossbow, pistol, rocket or grenade launcher. If only the main character looked like Mario then the circle would be complete.
Welcome to Paradise, Here's Your Weapon
So Ayn Rand, oops, Andrew Ryan creates an underwater utopia for the great minds of earth to call home and for some inexplicable reason outfits every room with a vending machine the sells ammunition. Does no one else besides me find that a rather idiotic concept? This is supposed to be paradise, a safe-haven, and yet everyone is armed? What happened to just selling mini-bags of Cheetos and bite-sized Snickers that should invariably get caught on a metal spring during its descent to the tray? Do I even need to mention that it probably isn't wise to arm your populace with rocket launchers and grenades in an UNDERWATER world, let alone shower them with infinite amounts of ammunition.? These ideas come from the great minds of humanity?
Glorified Disneyland Ride
BioShock is a very linear game, more than Mr. Cynic enjoys, with huge amounts of hand-holding that ultimately make it noob friendly, but a rather simplistic adventure game for veterans. I mean, they even use an arrow that always points you in the right direction, rendering the sense of exploration and the possibility of getting lost a moot point. Worse, BioShock just feels like a Disneyland ride, something like Twilight Zone and Haunted Mansion rolled in to one. Every room reveals a new set-piece where a story is told through prop placement, though at least you can hop off the ride and roam around a bit. While I do admire the artistic merit of what BioShock has accomplished, I can't help but feel the game is just an excuse to show off sets.
BioShock is a Midget Simulator
Yes, I said "midget", cause if I said "dwarf" you might think I'm talking about Lord of the Rings, and Mr. Cynic doesn't use the term "little person", as I'm neither political nor correct. I'm sticking with midget. I must give BioShock credit for making your character a midget, though I'm noticing a lot of FPS games lately have been doing the same thing, no doubt the result of a powerful midget lobbying group trying to get equal time in the industry. I mean, is it just me or do you feel 3' tall in this game? I've lost track of how many times I've checked to see if I'm still in crouch-mode only to discover that, no, I'm standing fully erect, I'm just 3' tall. It really hits home when you reach the Arcadia zone and you see a slot machine towering over you and you'd literally have to trampoline upwards just to grab the arm. Either that or the citizens of Rapture average about 9' in height.
Contradictory Gameplay
The biggest problem with BioShock is that dying has no impact on the game whatsoever, and this renders the "survival" aspect pointless. At first you might find yourself buying in to the concept that there's a finite amount of ammo and health to be found in Rapture so you had better plan your engagements wisely, lest you run out of one or the other. Unfortunately, if you happen to die then you'll just be reborn at a Vita-Chamber and whatever killed you will continue to lurk about with reduced health, meaning all you have to do is run back and continue wailing on it with your wrench without even bothering with a weapon or using health packs. Why spend precious health packs or use rockets when you can bash in a Big Daddy after three or four attempts with zero penalty? This totally obliterates the feel BioShock was going for. Do I even need to wonder why only your character is reborn at a Vita-Chamber, but the countless masses you slaughter in this game don't seem to have the same luxury?
Yeah, yeah, yeah...BioShock looks amazing. It's an artistic achievement. It has good acting...some good writing. But it's no revolution for gameplay and in many respects, a leap backwards, thanks to a few ill-conceived and nonsensical concepts that render the entire experience shallow and simple. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go play a real man's game: Space Giraffe!
-Maddog-
Though this guy comes off as rather harsh, after 3 hours with the game last night, I pretty much agree with him. What is the point of shooting a pistol at a splicer when you can just zap them once and beat them with the wrench? Same thing with the Big Daddy's - you just have to rinse-and-repeat several times with trips through the Vita Chambers.
The Vita Chambers really kill the game for me. You get killed, regenerate, but your enemy is at the same health level they were at when YOU died??? Its like telling a kid to go sit in the corner when they do something bad, but they just keep coming back as if nothing happened. Its no real punishment.
The game looks amazing and the city is definitely the highlight of the game. I still feel Condemned is creepier and had more tension.
Did anyone else think it was strange how, when your character first finds a plasmid, he just grabs it and jams the needle into his left arm??? Would ANYONE really do this if they were in that situation? No way I would.
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