Heres some
1: What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started
2: A ****oom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.
The professor tells the ****"In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor – the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body.
For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's hindquarters, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. "Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you," the professor says.
Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson. "Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow's butt, and I sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention."
3:
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a b****."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a b****?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" and he touches her hand.
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a b****."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" and he touches her breast.
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" and he takes off her clothes.
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" and he sticks his you know what into her you know where.
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest, after a few minutes: "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A B***!!!"
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