Is it wrong to TRY and date a girl who is in a relationship?

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Orehhet

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#1 Orehhet
Member since 2008 • 327 Posts

Yes/No/Depends on Circumstances?

Well cause I like this girl who is in a [somewhat] rough patch with her boyfriend. And I don't like her boyfriend at all(not because of this, but I thought he was a friend, turns out he's a jerk).

So basically, is it wrong to make a move on her? Lol.

Yes. GameSpot Relationship Advice, 4.99 a minute.

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LJS9502_basic

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#2 LJS9502_basic
Member since 2003 • 178858 Posts
Never a good idea to be the rebound date nor the other guy. Neither will end in a relationship.
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3riForce

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#3 3riForce
Member since 2004 • 2293 Posts
I made a girl break up with her boyfriend one time, and then she dumped me right after, and I discovered its better to just stand aside and not say anything.
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Yosemine

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#4 Yosemine
Member since 2008 • 126 Posts

Yes, wrong.

Would you like it if you were in a relationship, and another guy was constantly trying to get your girl?

Probably not. It's just asking for trouble IMO.

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nocoolnamejim

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#5 nocoolnamejim
Member since 2003 • 15136 Posts
Yes, it is wrong. A girl who can be stolen away once can be stolen again. Even if you could persuade the girl to cheat on the guy she's with, imagine how it will feel when the position is reversed when someone else comes along and tries to steal her from you. Even if she is faithful, you'll always wonder if you can truly trust her. There will always be this little doubt in the back of your mind saying, "If she'd cheat on someone else to be with me, will she eventually cheat on me to be with someone else?" So even setting aside the whole moral question on whether ir it right to try and make time with a woman in a relationship with someone else, you'll still regret it in the long run.
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jim_shorts

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#6 jim_shorts
Member since 2006 • 7320 Posts

There's no way it can turn out well for anyone involved. The best thing to do would be to wait until they call it quits on their own.

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ghoklebutter

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#7 ghoklebutter
Member since 2007 • 19327 Posts
Um, yes it is. :|
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Orehhet

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#8 Orehhet
Member since 2008 • 327 Posts
[QUOTE="nocoolnamejim"]Yes, it is wrong. A girl who can be stolen away once can be stolen again. Even if you could persuade the girl to cheat on the guy she's with, imagine how it will feel when the position is reversed when someone else comes along and tries to steal her from you. Even if she is faithful, you'll always wonder if you can truly trust her. There will always be this little doubt in the back of your mind saying, "If she'd cheat on someone else to be with me, will she eventually cheat on me to be with someone else?" So even setting aside the whole moral question on whether ir it right to try and make time with a woman in a relationship with someone else, you'll still regret it in the long run.

I think you mistunderstood me. I don't mean get her to cheat on him...
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deactivated-5f9e3c6a83e51

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#9 deactivated-5f9e3c6a83e51
Member since 2004 • 57548 Posts

Hard to say. She's not the other guy's property, so she doesn't belong to him. But in the same sense, it's just not a cool thing to do that to another person.

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nocoolnamejim

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#10 nocoolnamejim
Member since 2003 • 15136 Posts
[QUOTE="Orehhet"][QUOTE="nocoolnamejim"]Yes, it is wrong. A girl who can be stolen away once can be stolen again. Even if you could persuade the girl to cheat on the guy she's with, imagine how it will feel when the position is reversed when someone else comes along and tries to steal her from you. Even if she is faithful, you'll always wonder if you can truly trust her. There will always be this little doubt in the back of your mind saying, "If she'd cheat on someone else to be with me, will she eventually cheat on me to be with someone else?" So even setting aside the whole moral question on whether ir it right to try and make time with a woman in a relationship with someone else, you'll still regret it in the long run.

I think you mistunderstood me. I don't mean get her to cheat on him...

Subject of the topic at hand: "Is it wrong to TRY and date a girl who is in a relationship?" Dating someone else when you're in a exclusive relationship = the very definition of cheating. Where'd I go wrong with my analysis?
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scorch-62

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#11 scorch-62
Member since 2006 • 29763 Posts
If you know she's in a relationship and try, it's definitely not good. If she says yes, you're even worse off.
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Orehhet

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#12 Orehhet
Member since 2008 • 327 Posts
[QUOTE="nocoolnamejim"][QUOTE="Orehhet"][QUOTE="nocoolnamejim"]Yes, it is wrong. A girl who can be stolen away once can be stolen again. Even if you could persuade the girl to cheat on the guy she's with, imagine how it will feel when the position is reversed when someone else comes along and tries to steal her from you. Even if she is faithful, you'll always wonder if you can truly trust her. There will always be this little doubt in the back of your mind saying, "If she'd cheat on someone else to be with me, will she eventually cheat on me to be with someone else?" So even setting aside the whole moral question on whether ir it right to try and make time with a woman in a relationship with someone else, you'll still regret it in the long run.

I think you mistunderstood me. I don't mean get her to cheat on him...

Subject of the topic at hand: "Is it wrong to TRY and date a girl who is in a relationship?" Dating someone else when you're in a exclusive relationship = the very definition of cheating. Where'd I go wrong with my analysis?

Sorry, what I mean was not get her to date 2 different people. Meaning like, she's dating either you or him. Either or case.
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XilePrincess

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#13 XilePrincess
Member since 2008 • 13130 Posts
I don't think it'll end well for anybody if you tried. I mean, you're hitting on a girl who probably isnt in the best emotional state. Do you really want a girlfriend that you know would drop you in a heartbeat for another guy just cause you upset her? And don't think "oh she won't do it to me, he's a jerk and i'm not", because she will. I'm the complete opposite of that, though, I'd rip somebody apart for even attempting to take advantage of my weakened mental state due to being in a 'rough patch. Just chill in the background and be supportive of her if she needs it, and if the rough patch ends in a breakup, then make your move, eventually.
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Hemzo

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#14 Hemzo
Member since 2007 • 249 Posts

Yes it is wrong. There is usually more harm than good as a result.

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Orehhet

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#15 Orehhet
Member since 2008 • 327 Posts
I think I phrased my topic title in a very fail way lol. Half the reasons given not to, are of something I'm not even trying to do. I'm not trying to get her to date me behind her boyfriend's back, if that makes any sense.
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Evil_Saluki

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#16 Evil_Saluki
Member since 2008 • 5217 Posts

Damn I clicked no by accident!

I don't mind when someone flirts with my Little Hell Kitten because it's flattering, but when they try relentlessly it annoys me, when they think they can tear us apart and take what they want, I get it quite a lot because we live far apart and the way she is, guys seem to think she is easy, not that she is unattractive, otherwise she wouldn't have them going for her, just the way she is, people think she's up for anything and although that's almost true she gets just as annoyed as I do about it when some chav thinks he can walk up and get into her pants with just a few lines.

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nocoolnamejim

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#17 nocoolnamejim
Member since 2003 • 15136 Posts
[QUOTE="Orehhet"][QUOTE="nocoolnamejim"][QUOTE="Orehhet"] I think you mistunderstood me. I don't mean get her to cheat on him...

Subject of the topic at hand: "Is it wrong to TRY and date a girl who is in a relationship?" Dating someone else when you're in a exclusive relationship = the very definition of cheating. Where'd I go wrong with my analysis?

Sorry, what I mean was not get her to date 2 different people. Meaning like, she's dating either you or him. Either or case.

My thoughts would be kind of the same then. If she's still IN the relationship with the other guy, then your getting in there when they're in a bit of a rough patch is a wrong thing to do. If they officially end it, then by all means move in and take your shot if you like her and think you can do better. But if they're still technically together and you're thinking of swooping in and taking the inside track to getting her to date you, then I'd recommend against it. Hold off. I know it can be hard if you really like someone, but it will be better in the long run if she's officially out of her current relationship before you start dating her. I mean, do you really want your relationship with her to start on the basis of you moving in and forcing her to dump her current boyfriend to be with you?
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Jedi_Shearstone

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#18 Jedi_Shearstone
Member since 2004 • 702 Posts

I put depends as i'm not sure of your motives in this are you saying is it ok to ask a girl out who's got a boyfriend? No as she should say no anyway and if she didn't then she aint the kind of girl you should want. If by try you mean present yourself as an obvious alternative to her bf then thats fine and by this i mean chatting to her light flirting etc the only time this is wrong is if you know the guy and he's a nice guy in which case you become a jerk, but as you said it aint a good guy it's ok afterall its her life so she's allowed the choice just don't be too forward

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racing1750

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#19 racing1750
Member since 2010 • 14567 Posts
I'd wait and if they break up, make your move, but not right away.
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LongZhiZi

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#20 LongZhiZi
Member since 2009 • 2453 Posts
The correct answer is no. But as others have mentioned, if this girl is willing to cheat on/break up with her boyfriend for you, she probably should be nothing more than a fling to you.
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deactivated-5ee322a396e26

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#21 deactivated-5ee322a396e26
Member since 2005 • 2510 Posts

there isn't any right or wrong about it, it's just part of the game and happens all the time.

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Orehhet

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#22 Orehhet
Member since 2008 • 327 Posts

If by try you mean present yourself as an obvious alternative to her bfJedi_Shearstone

Yes! That's what I'm trying to ask lol. I couldn't find the words for it or a way to put it into the Topic.

Like. Is it wrong to hang out with her and stuff with the INTENTION of dating her eventually while she's in a relationship. I think that's what I mean at least.

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Assassin1349

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#23 Assassin1349
Member since 2009 • 2798 Posts

Damn I clicked no by accident!

I don't mind when someone flirts with my Little Hell Kitten because it's flattering, but when they try relentlessly it annoys me, when they think they can tear us apart and take what they want, I get it quite a lot because we live far apart and the way she is, guys seem to think she is easy, not that she is unattractive, otherwise she wouldn't have them going for her, just the way she is, people think she's up for anything and although that's almost true she gets just as annoyed as I do about it when some chav thinks he can walk up and get into her pants with just a few lines.

Evil_Saluki
That's what she wants you think.
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Jedi_Shearstone

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#24 Jedi_Shearstone
Member since 2004 • 702 Posts

[QUOTE="Jedi_Shearstone"]If by try you mean present yourself as an obvious alternative to her bfOrehhet

Yes! That's what I'm trying to ask lol. I couldn't find the words for it or a way to put it into the Topic.

Like. Is it wrong to hang out with her and stuff with the INTENTION of dating her eventually while she's in a relationship. I think that's what I mean at least.

Nope thats fine then just dont hang with her too much or you'll end up in the friend zone

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XD4NTESINF3RNOX

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#25 XD4NTESINF3RNOX
Member since 2008 • 7438 Posts
Depends I think unless it's your friend she's going out with then no
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th3warr1or

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#26 th3warr1or
Member since 2007 • 20637 Posts

[QUOTE="Jedi_Shearstone"]If by try you mean present yourself as an obvious alternative to her bfOrehhet

Yes! That's what I'm trying to ask lol. I couldn't find the words for it or a way to put it into the Topic.

Like. Is it wrong to hang out with her and stuff with the INTENTION of dating her eventually while she's in a relationship. I think that's what I mean at least.

Then *IMO*, it's fine. Don't be the cause of the breakup though.
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entropyecho

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#27 entropyecho
Member since 2005 • 22053 Posts

In short, yes it is wrong.

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MattUD1

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#28 MattUD1
Member since 2004 • 20715 Posts
Yes it is wrong. You can tell her, in confidence, that you want to have a relationship with her, but trying to have a relationship with her while she has a boyfriend or actively breaking them up is a no-no.
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BlindBluMonstah

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#29 BlindBluMonstah
Member since 2009 • 13858 Posts

it certainly isnt RIGHT !

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rawsavon

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#30 rawsavon
Member since 2004 • 40001 Posts
If she leaves her current bf for you, you can't be mad when she repeats said behavior down the line... (you knew the type of person you were getting involved with)
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moonlightcharm6

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#31 moonlightcharm6
Member since 2009 • 1581 Posts
yes go after some other girl.
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mirriorman

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#32 mirriorman
Member since 2009 • 1946 Posts

wait till she breaks up and REBOUND!8)

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Xx_Hopeless_xX

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#33 Xx_Hopeless_xX
Member since 2009 • 16562 Posts

Yes, if love her and all...and if she's happy...then why would you want to make her unhappy by causing her to break up with the one she's happy with..(did that make any sense or..? :P) and if she's willing to cheat on her boyfriend then i would run the other way..chances are she'd do it to you as well..

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Ugalde-

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#34 Ugalde-
Member since 2009 • 3732 Posts
Yea I think it's wrong.
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Setsa

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#35 Setsa
Member since 2005 • 8431 Posts
It's wrong to attempt to intervene or influence a girl in a relationship unless the relationship is causing some serious mental or physical anguish for her. If you're trying to tear apart what they have to gratify your own desires, don't.
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AFBrat77

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#36 AFBrat77
Member since 2004 • 26848 Posts

Depends on relationship.......if its serious, yes, its wrong

if it isn't, probably no

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jimmyjammer69

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#37 jimmyjammer69
Member since 2008 • 12239 Posts
Nothing wrong with having a go. Only natural that you should expect a beating if caught but I don't think you should have to wait for a relationship to die of natural causes.
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bigblunt537

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#38 bigblunt537
Member since 2003 • 6907 Posts

Never a good idea to be the rebound date nor the other guy. Neither will end in a relationship.LJS9502_basic

Not true at all. My ex ex gf did that to me and she's been happy for the past 3 years. She also recently had a baby with the guy.

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th3warr1or

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#39 th3warr1or
Member since 2007 • 20637 Posts

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]Never a good idea to be the rebound date nor the other guy. Neither will end in a relationship.bigblunt537

Not true at all. My ex ex gf did that to me and she's been happy for the past 3 years. She also recently had a baby with the guy.

Ouch. I'm sorry.
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pianist

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#40 pianist
Member since 2003 • 18900 Posts

Not good to mess with other peoples' relationships. If she's in a weak relationship, just let it end naturally.

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bigblunt537

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#42 bigblunt537
Member since 2003 • 6907 Posts

[QUOTE="bigblunt537"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]Never a good idea to be the rebound date nor the other guy. Neither will end in a relationship.th3warr1or

Not true at all. My ex ex gf did that to me and she's been happy for the past 3 years. She also recently had a baby with the guy.

Ouch. I'm sorry.

I'm good lol I got over that about 2 years ago. We don't talk I found out about the baby through her sister on facebook. I don't hold grudges though I hope she's happy.

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bluezy

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#43 bluezy
Member since 2004 • 29297 Posts

Absolutely it's wrong. Total **** move.

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th3warr1or

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#44 th3warr1or
Member since 2007 • 20637 Posts

Not good to mess with other peoples' relationships. If she's in a weak relationship, just let it end naturally.

pianist
TC is in the same predicament I was awhile back... i let it 'end naturally' and it never did lol.. That was 3 years ago :| I'm in the friend zone now. :(
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ariz3260

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#45 ariz3260
Member since 2006 • 4209 Posts

Depends on how you go about it, I don't necessarily think its wrong all the time. She could just be dating the guy casually, not looking to marry him but since couldn't find a better alternative, she sees no reason to end it either.

And since she is only dating and not married, she's still open imo. She still has a choice as to who she wants to be with

Dating is not exclusive, marriage is

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jimmyjammer69

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#47 jimmyjammer69
Member since 2008 • 12239 Posts
[QUOTE="ariz3260"]

Depends on how you go about it, I don't necessarily think its wrong all the time. She could just be dating the guy casually, not looking to marry him but since couldn't find a better alternative, she sees no reason to end it either.

And since she is only dating and not married, she's still open imo. She still has a choice as to who she wants to be with

Dating is not exclusive, marriage is

dreDREb13
Dating is definitely exclusive... If you make a commitment to someone, regardless of whether or not you have a ring on your finger, then you should be faithful.

Isn't that the partner's choice? If the only reason your partner isn't cheating is because nobody's trying to pick him or her up, then it's a weak relationship.
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pianist

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#48 pianist
Member since 2003 • 18900 Posts

[QUOTE="pianist"]

Not good to mess with other peoples' relationships. If she's in a weak relationship, just let it end naturally.

th3warr1or

TC is in the same predicament I was awhile back... i let it 'end naturally' and it never did lol.. That was 3 years ago :| I'm in the friend zone now. :(

If it doesn't end, there's usually a good reason for that. What this boils down to is whether or not you consider the other people involved, or if you're only interested in numero uno. The numero uno move is to take advantage of a rough patch to convince another person that a relationship with you would be better than her current one. But in this case - where the relationship has survived a further 3 years - in hindsight, you must ask yourself if that would have really been better for her. It certainly wouldn't be better for her boyfriend, unless he doesn't want to be in the relationship. And that doesn't make much sense, now does it?

From my point of view, a person who is in a commited relationship of any sort is off limits until he or she decides to no longer be in a commited relationship. It's simple, and it ensures that I will not be responsible for causing pain to anyone else.

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ariz3260

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#49 ariz3260
Member since 2006 • 4209 Posts

[QUOTE="ariz3260"]

Depends on how you go about it, I don't necessarily think its wrong all the time. She could just be dating the guy casually, not looking to marry him but since couldn't find a better alternative, she sees no reason to end it either.

And since she is only dating and not married, she's still open imo. She still has a choice as to who she wants to be with

Dating is not exclusive, marriage is

dreDREb13

Dating is definitely exclusive... If you make a commitment to someone, regardless of whether or not you have a ring on your finger, then you should be faithful.

Well looks like we have a different definition of dating

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th3warr1or

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#50 th3warr1or
Member since 2007 • 20637 Posts
I think it's fine IF the guy is abusive or a total dick, and she just doesn't [for lack of a better term], dare to end it.