Ok here is the story. I will basically just copy and paste it from my blog. Btw if I got enough interest from other people in my profile I could always post it here first. Might bring up activity.

Anyways yes comments are appreciated. There are two things I am thinking of trying out though. First are predictions. If you want to make a prediction you can. Another thing I will be trying out is choices. Within the story there will be decisions the protagonist will have to make. By posting you can 'help' him with his decision. The decision with the most votes will be put into the beginning of the next chapter and the decisions can very from which weapon to use in battle to the fate humanity.

Well hope you guys like it. This is the first chapter (it will probably be very long so I might split them into seperate books, but they will all be posted here).

Oh I forgot to add some information. There are just 2 things you need to know right now. Other information will come into the story later. The protagonist's name is O'Rien (sometimes i might write it O'rien). The continent's name is Ayuldar.

Enjoy!

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The Brotherhood: Chapter One

As promised here is the first chapter to my story. It's just basically a rough draft but I hope you like it.

Chapter One: Dawn's Not Coming

I could feel it. The moon was not hiding behind clouds, and the stars were not taking leave. The darkness was eating away at the light. I could feel it coming closer, surrounding myself. A shrill wind came as the leaves rustled, but the leaves rustled a moment before the wind came. I could feel the cold freeze my marrow as I walked on the path to the city. Then it calmed. This would be when they strike.....swooosh! The battle has begun.

The shuriken missed my face by an inch and only because I had turned my head towards the stars once more. I drew my blades but I knew it would not save me if there were many. A man ran out of his cover hoping to catch me unawares as I crouched. He ran quickly without sound but there were other senses than hearing. I picked up his scent as the wind picked up. A grabbed a weighted dagger and threw it straight at the source. I heard a muffled squaek and a thump as his body hit the ground. An arrow cut at my shoulder as I grabbed another knife. I felt pain, more than I should have. It was too dark and too much was going on to try and check it out. I dashed towards the city, but about a dozen feet ahead I collided with a figure. It hadn't been expecting me to charge him but I could hear the shurukin skid across the ground behind me. I stumbled but regained balance as some unidentifiable objects went over my head and a dagger struck my back. I kept running as more and more projectiles were being throw from my right. I figured they would try and lead my off the path. These folk would rather keep their kills quick and not spectated. I sped up a hill and felt a warmth as I started moving out of the darkness. Even with the warmth and the moon starting to show again I couldn't feel comfortable for I knew they would follow me in and out of the darkness.

I finally passed the black shadows of the darkness and was bathed in moon and starlight but the attacks only grew more fierce. I was hit more and more and at times had to turn to send my own strikes back at men who were only a few feet behind me. The pain of the scars were growing and it seemed that I would never reach the village. I was getting out of their range but there were still projectiles skidding across the ground and at times I stepped right on daggers and sharp objects that were thrown and missed earlier. My feet were aching when I finally caught sight of the city. Not much of a city but compared to the bare woods it was the capital.

The attacks stopped quickly and no more sounds could be heard. I didn't slacken any and kept running. I moved faster and faster but it wasn't until I was within range of hearing the shouts of guards that I questioned whether I would have a warm welcome or a fatal one. As the soldiers on the outskirts and the forresters of the city came closer I could feel the hoofbeats coming closer and the horses breath quickening I remembered the cloak I had been wearing to blend in with the darkness a bit; it would not have been such a good sight with the blood all over it so I tored it off and seconds later looked back to see it being torn to peaces by the forresters. I was nearing the gates as I heard swords being drawn, arrows being notched, and orders being given. Whatever my fate it was better here than in the shadows, with this in my head I pressed on to the wall of spears.

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Well there's the first chapter. A lot was just mild action, no information. Don't worry things will heat up and there will be long dialogues to give you the chacne to catch up and find out what's going on in the world. 

Well I hope this becomes a big hit. What do you guys think of the first chapter?

have never been good at sugestions but i can try at least. i do have one idea. why not a riddle thread? you could set it up any way you want but i do have one idea on setting it up. one person posts a riddle. other people try to guess the riddle. if they get it right they get a point and a turn to ask a riddle. if they get it wrong the riddle poster may give hints or agfter a few days may give the answer and give himself a point and the next poster gets to ask a riddle. a scoreboard could be posted after someone gains a point. it is set up like some of the old quiz threads i remember.

 sorry i don't know many people who would be into this kind of thing. most of my friends are designers and fanboys unfortunately with the exception of a select few (yes that includes you dg :P)

exactly but i had just started writing poems, and well to put it bluntly i was more used to sharp retorts and short answers. i was that shy guy in the class who was too smart to remain in the classes of his closer friends but poetry opened up my eyes to more and cooler friends......ok back to reality, j/k. i just started writing poetry and am not that great. i like to write stories more. i do have more current poems but i keep leaving them at school. i'll post them soon.

thanks alx i'll post a thread on it soon. it'll hold all my chapters so i won't have to keep making new ones. thanks again :wink:.

edit: @dg - really? i was thinking of another rpg when i posted it. oh well. :P

Yeah I don't know what it's about, the 2nd one :P

Also........histarical roar?

Sith_Fisto

i wrote it a year ago, give me a break :P, i couldn't spell to save my life. i forget how to spell it but when someone basically loses control (used to describe a person who laughs clinically most of the time).

and for the 'why wouldn't they fit thing' my answer is: oh.

ok here is my poem. it should be easy to understand but i included foot notes at the end. and sorry about the art thou stuff, i had been watching a lot of LotR movies :P.

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O where art thou?

Slayer of night.

Divine art thou,

O divine knight.

--

O where art thou?

Wise you seem.

O fair art thou,

Silencer of scream.

--

O where art thou?

Bringer of light.

Slayer art thou,

of the darkest sight.

--

O where art thou?

Dawner of Dark.

Hope-bringer art thou,

Through evil's skin you leave your mark.

--

O where art thou?

Mark so giving.

Bringer art thou,

Of eternal life of living.

--

O where art thou?

On the darkest day.

Gone art thou,

The demons may stay.

--

O where art thou?

When men are slain.

O sorrowful art thou,

When the demons cut mans' mane.

--

O where art thou?

When pumpkins burn.

Forgotten art thou,

As the dead walk and learn.

--

O dead art thou,

Forgetten you seem.

Lost art thou,

On the Eve and Days of Halloween.

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It is of a knight who slew all that was evil on the day they walked with men until he was gone. This poem talks about it in a dark time reflecting on the past. This poem is of that knight and my version of the beginning of Halloween...

the lines are there because when i posted it on GS there was a glitch that would cause the empty spaces to disappear and it would all condense. i'll post the other soon.

EDIT: here's the other. some of you will get what this is behind, or at least i hope u do :|

"In a realm beyond sight,

The Sky shines gold, not blue.

There, the Triforce's might

Makes mortal dreams come true."

No one knew,

Where the Triforce lay.

There were so few

That even could say.

Those that could, said a cemetary,

Others said the desert under.

None were left to carry

The words were lost over yonder.

The lust was insane,

gone was the good.

The greatest pain

was the loss of blood.

Now open was the gate,

to the Golden Land.

Now there was no debate

if it lay under the sand.

The ones who opened the Golden Lands door,

were thieves skilled in the black arts.

They all gathered for

the great power that starts.

The Triforce shown bright,

high above the world's Sky.

It took all their might

To even breathe out a sigh.

The comrades fought,

to gain what they most desire.

But all but one were caught

in Hell's hot fire.

The last man,

was the leader of the thieves.

Who like others had not ran

but equipped his sword and greaves.

He grabbed the Triforce that shone,

brighter than the sun.

He had forgotten his brethrens last moan

and only laughed as if it were fun.

" If thou has a strong desire or dream, wish for it...",

is what the triforce did say.

What the man did emmit

was a histarical roar that kept the wolves at bay.

The name of this man,

was Ganondorf Dragmire.

The man who had not ran

except past his comrades to aspire.

He was also known,

Mangdrag Ganon, which was never known by a man who leaves.

Which name was sown

as Ganon of the Enchanted Thieves

yeah the rhyming scheme isn't that great :P

well here goes nothing.

I enter the bar, order a root beer and sit down in a booth in a dark booth watching the crowd with a hood shrouding my face.

Lol, I can't tell which ones are really emo. You can make a new post after this. Oh, by the way, if it's a REALLY long story, you can make a thread for it.alx222000

btw i have some poems. 2 are somewhere around here and the rest are at school.