ILF stop spamming as it has little effect, and instead they spend all the spamming money on lawyers looking for obscure loopholes in the law which eventually allows them to hire people to knock on the door to everyone on the mailing list and pull out their fingernails one by one until they agree to sign a life long contract. Your name is on top of the list, since you are special.

I wish the next Elder Scrolls game would be out this xmas instead of in two years, and be great.

You become the leader of everything. But as many of these positions have opposite interests, like Al Quaida and CIA, in the end they all cancel each others out and you end up with no power at all, just a lot of responsibilities and troubles which eventually give you a heart attack.

I wish I finished all my christmas shopping already.

You find the perfect disguise, which is making you completely indistinguishable from another person. Amazingly even your voice, spoken language, DNA signature, age and teeth patterns change accordingly. Making you the perfect match to Osama Bin Laden. As you realise you are unable to remove the disguise, you start to regret putting it on in the mens room while flying to New York for a holiday...

I wish I had something nice to eat just now.

Your rabbit is alive, turns out it was faking its own death to avoid being with you, whom it hates more than anything in this world for imprisoning him his whole life. Now that you found out, it sees no other way out than to kill you. Pretending being cute and cuddly, it secretly smuggles rat poison into your beverage while you pet it. As your body gives in to the violent death spasms there on the cold floor, the last thing you see is a pair of red eyes staring at you. It's your rabbit sitting on your face, peeing, while making some kind of evil hissing sound that sligthly resembles laughter.

I wish GTA 4 would not even get close to being rated the best game of 2008, anywhere.

Mercenaries 3 actually blows so much that when you put copies of other GTA clones in a bucket of water and put a CD with Mercenaries 3 in as well, they will be forecefully blown out of there. If you listen closely, you will hear them barfing.

I wish I had a ring of +10 charisma.

You like RPGs more than everything in the world, but then discover that they are too complex for regular gamers, and the whole game industry turn to focus solely on Guitar Hero clones which can be played by pressing only one button. It is later replaced with an enhanced version including a robot pressing that button for you, the player is only required to turn the game on. The final and most complex game you see before you perish is a Guitar Hero clone that will buy itself, deliver itself to your home, turn itself on and then play itself while the player watch as a living vegetable, drinking beer. Too bad you never could experience the next generation which would also drink the beer for you.

I wish I have a friendly pet dragon.

You rocket to level 50. But then Gamespot closes your account for having the wrong opinion about a game they are fanboys of. 

I wish everyone would get bored with FPS and sports games already, so that game developers start to make great games in other genres instead.

You learn the definition of Spam, but your curiosity somehow killed a cat and you now feel guilty.

I wish I could control peoples mind and have them do and feel anything I want at will.

You are now an Octagonecologyst, but you get sued by Kool Keith for intellectual property infringement . The lawsuit takes up all your time and all your money. After spending your final cash which you got from selling a kidney and most of your liver on the black market, you have nothing left at all.

You barely keep alive by eating roasted cockroaches, but Kool Keith finally sees pity on you, and make you a deal. You can keep the title if you go live in a cave in the mountains outside Pakistan, and never contact anyone again ever. There you run into Bin Laden, who takes your other kidney to heal his kidney disease. To make it up to you, he gives you a bottle of cheap Vodka and goat pee, which instantly kills you since you only have a tiny liver left.

I wish Everything was great.