Metal Shadow Prelude is live

Congratulations man! So happy for you! :D

I did my part. I don't need to vote every time a new chapter comes up, do I? If I do...crap! Let me know so i can start doing that.

Um, yeah, each chapter needs to be voted on. :P

And by the way...it's in the top 20 now. 18th place. This means I get paid and can finally afford some pizza to celebrate.

Um, yeah, each chapter needs to be voted on. :P

And by the way...it's in the top 20 now. 18th place. This means I get paid and can finally afford some pizza to celebrate.

iloveflash

You were the one that told me it was possible to vote automatically each time. :| I have the e-mails to prove it!

Even better. 8)

So I got an interview this week: http://theonlinenovel.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/kevinamlewis/

And I got an interview last week: http://www.examiner.com/article/jukepop-serials-meets-with-its-new-york-authors

Therefore I'm now the local hero around here. Where's my ribbon to cut.

Rofl, I had no idea that your personality online is pretty much identical to your real one. Ok, maybe your internet one is a bit less boisterous.

I thought it was a bit amusing in the religious origin story that Godden lost because boobs. I thought that there was a pretty interesting message to take away from it, though, very novel for a religious aesop. "If you can't win against evil with strength and courage alone, use cunning, deceit, dirty tactics, anything!". 

Your prose seems to have actually gotten more purple since the last time I read one of your works, but luckily it doesn't seem to be as hard to understand for me.

Van comes across as a petulant teenager in the third chapter, which I doubt was your intended portrayal. Getting irritated at minor details, acting like a sullen little boy, being scolded like a naughty child by Anikae.... I understand that he's disillusioned and single-minded but I thought he'd be more enthusiastic if it was his wife's best friend who was certain that his wife (or at least, some remnant of her memory) could be found.

Not sure what I think about your JRPG character sheet. That stuff serves a purpose when you put it in a video game, but I would rather not have to memorize those rules to read a story.

Read till chapter six, no further comments.

Cant be certain but I know how much it would means to you if it were real

Intentional sms typo? 

They had hid in the Queen'ss hadow throughout her tenure, unable to challenge here despite their collective might, 

Reading this sentence was like having my head yanked back by an elephant's trunk. That's how jarring it was to my immersion.

Luckily, she eventually lost interest in him did she switch her attention to the pianist

I don't think I've ever seen this kind of sentence structure before. Intentional again?

  which we numerous now -- an army's worth -- the man speaking to her among them.

Rofl, I had no idea that your personality online is pretty much identical to your real one. Ok, maybe your internet one is a bit less boisterous.

Barbariser

That interview is still just my internet personality talking. :P

I thought it was a bit amusing in the religious origin story that Godden lost because boobs. I thought that there was a pretty interesting message to take away from it, though, very novel for a religious aesop. "If you can't win against evil with strength and courage alone, use cunning, deceit, dirty tactics, anything!".

Barbariser

I didn't even realize that was a religious story. It was just something the Children of Enigma idolized. But now's I think about it, it must be, mustn't it?

Your prose seems to have actually gotten more purple since the last time I read one of your works, but luckily it doesn't seem to be as hard to understand for me.

Barbariser

I like how you just dropped that in a separate paragraph so I could quote it more easily.

Ogod, don't remind me of those early chapters. Chapters 1 to 3 are based off the original, just spruced up like hell in order to appease the publisher. 4-7 were done through writer's block. 8-14 are probably the best I've written yet, stylistically, 15 and 16 are mostly experiments, and then the writing just goes downhill from there. Or at least I think so. Sometimes I reread the latest and they aren't as bad as I thought they were. Let me know what you think as you read along.

Van comes across as a petulant teenager in the third chapter, which I doubt was your intended portrayal. Getting irritated at minor details, acting like a sullen little boy, being scolded like a naughty child by Anikae.... I understand that he's disillusioned and single-minded but I thought he'd be more enthusiastic if it was his wife's best friend who was certain that his wife (or at least, some remnant of her memory) could be found.

Barbariser

Hell if I even remember what I wanted Van to behave like in the opening chaps! But now that you mention it, it's actually not so bad. That's a very interesting observation, actually, that he is behaving childish.

I'll say no more on the subject!

Not sure what I think about your JRPG character sheet. That stuff serves a purpose when you put it in a video game, but I would rather not have to memorize those rules to read a story.

Barbariser

Starting to agree. I haven't updated it in a while, it's a hassle to have to update everything, and no one really cares.

[QUOTE=""]Cant be certain but I know how much it would means to you if it were realBarbariser

Intentional sms typo?

Ye. Was it that obvious damn.

[QUOTE=""]They had hid in the Queen'ss hadow throughout her tenure, unable to challenge here despite their collective might,  Barbariser

Reading this sentence was like having my head yanked back by an elephant's trunk. That's how jarring it was to my immersion.

You'll find a couple more typos as you read along; do me a favor and click the "edit chapter" button under the cover art so you can get rid of the typos yourself! Same goes for all the others. My hands are tied at the moment.

33+34 out. Currently editing 35+36 for release later today/tomorrow.

I hated 36 so only 35 is out; 36 being rewritten.

Ye. Was it that obvious damn. iloveflash

The rest of the sms was too well written for it to be "natural". :/

You'll find a couple more typos as you read along; do me a favor and click the "edit chapter" button under the cover art so you can get rid of the typos yourself! Same goes for all the others. My hands are tied at the moment.iloveflash

Seriously? Readers can edit chapters? What's stopping random assholes from trying to delete entire works, or edit them beyond recognition or basically wreck your story's sh!t?

Not that I would do such a thing, of course....

7-12: Okay, I spotted a few immersion breakers. Pressed "Edit chapter", it apparently just means I'm pointing out the mistakes and offering suggestions to you anyway, I can't clean them out myself. Not bothering with that then.

It seems like you're 've established the reputation of the Queen as being both feared and respected beyond compare, but you've done so at the expense of making the three agents look like pussified wimps. It doesn't really mesh with their reputation for being the "best squad of Agents in Purgia" or whatever they were called. Getting down and begging for mercy doesn't sound badass or cool, even if it's again someone who could slaughter him at a whim. Pretty much every character in Man of Steel has bigger balls than Agent Ziare, including old ladies and fat nerds.

And yes, the prose in these chapters seems to be more exotic and complex than the previous set. I did have to slow down in the action scenes to keep track of what's going. I'm not really sure what you could do to smoothen the pace. Then again, reading and writing action scenes between multiple charactersis always going to be a bit messy, unless you design your fights to be simple, straightforward, brief and bare which is obviously not how you do things. 

Indeed, Lair and Ziare don't come across as the "best of the best". That's the irony of it, which I hope people will appreciate at the end of the Prelude. Ziare also expresses insecurity because of this later on.

If you pressed Edit Chapter I will receive a notification and give you permission to edit. You then have full control over editing the content. I have the final vote of approval though. I'll give you access in a moment.

When you say design the fights to be brief and bare, do you mean the writing, or the content of the fight itself? I agree that I may have overstepped it a bit with the opening fights--part of the reason I'm not as fond of them as I was before. The end goal is complex fights, though, so maybe the thing I should work on is the writing.

I've sent my request. Probably won't bother going back to previous chapters to edit them, so I'll only start editing the ones that I read after I'm cleared. Wait, do I have to send a request for each and every chapter?

The fight between Noa and the Agents + Van is relatively long, drawn out with both sides attacking each other several times, but to no real effect until near the end. It's fairly anime-ish except that nobody can be bothered to openly announce what kind of attack anyone is using, unless you count the expository mental talk between Ghost and Elf. The prose that describes these scenes isn't overly detailed or flowery, so I would conclude that their length comes from their content and not their writing.

But a force tugged him by the navel, taking him with it. iloveflash

How do you pull someone by their navel? He must have one hell of an outie.

I gather Noa Riley is Gineden's vessel, in which case I have to ask: why does she not seem to possess the demigoddess's will and purpose but only has traces of her power? Also, if the only person who can challenge her is Van, does that imply that he's Godden's vessel? Bececause I assume that whatever magical limitations apply to Gineden also apply to Godden, but I also suspect that he'd have used that kid as his vessel. However, given that the kid doesn't share Van's physical features...

Besides that, what exactly do those jewels do for Agents? Not only do they make them instantly identifiable and thus incapable of doing any espionage related missions at all, it seems that yanking them off their foreheads incapacitates them instantly. Anyone facing them has an obvious weakpoint to target.

If it boosts their elemancy powers at all, then they should be keeping them secured behind something, and even if they have to have them on their foreheads to gain their advantages you would expect helmets, hats, caps, bandanas, .etc to disguise and protect the things. However, they don't seem to think that losing those things will hurt their ability to hunt Noa, so it doesn't seem like the jewels actually empower them.

You got me reading chapters from back in the day, man. Cocks.

That entire fight is so boss. I can see some areas where the fight stretched out, but it's near the end, not before it. That entire fight is just so boss. It's only the part where Noa finished Ghost, then Van, that needs abridging. Which reminds me: that entire fight is so boss.

Also the epilogue to the fight is telling over showing, and not even that well. But seriously, that fight is so boss.

On the jewel thing: not only would jewels make it difficult for the Agents to hide their identities, their original identities aren't hidden either. So it's a double fail on my part. But it's one of those things that can be fixed with a cop out, so I'm not worried. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, though.

All your thoughts on the jewels and Godden/Gineden are so insightful I can't help but figuratively beam at you. My lips are sealed, though. Pretty much everything you're wondering gets answered.

Be sure to point out which chapter you're on, I get confused sometimes.

Well, since most the stuff you've written up to this point is action, I haven't got much to comment on besides trying to figure out what's going on based on the points where bits of the story get, uh, revealed. :P

Also, I just realized that if I'd bother reading the summaries of the chapters, I'd have validated some of the guesses.

I read the previous chapters in packs of five to six, so that last time was 13-17. Now I'm on 18-29.

Is it just me or are Lair and Ghost by far the least squishy members of the team? 

I'm trying to imagine Ghost doing all sorts of ninja acrobatics while catching, throwing and hefting around a stone statue that is apparently bigger in size than him. It looks cartoonish as hell.

If Van is an agent who remembers his origins and obviously doesn't have a jewel, why does he not remember the other Agents who obviously have some kind of history with him?

The beastie chased them with equal avariceiloveflash

I'm not sure that's the right word for it. Avarice means greed, not desperation. 

Without speaking, they all headed to the cave entrance, gathered around Elfs stretcher, and jumped in unison into another maw.iloveflash

Four people carrying a stretcher and leaping simultaneously into a cavern actually looks pretty damn hilarious when you try to visualize it.

Van's not a statue by the time Ghost starts throwing him around. That said, Ghost probably would still throw Van around if he was a statue.

HMMM, WHY DOESN'T VAN REMEMBER.

Avarice...some of the purple slipped out.

It's interesting that you're reading so many more chapters than before, are you getting into the story or is it something to do with the style/wordcount/combination of everything?

It's partly a combination of having a sudden burst of a lot of free time (previously, I was reading chapters for about half an hour and then had to go for a meal or something) and the fact that this particular set of chapters flows almost seamlessly, which each chapter "leading" directly into the next. This is probably because 18-29 is actually a very, very long and unbroken scene following the PoV of the Agents, whereas most other chapters break into multiple PoVs. 

30 - 41

It's nice to see Elf squad curbstomping other things for once.

I wonder why the other bunch of Agents made their jewelling attempt on Van when he was in fighting mode. Could have have tried to do it when he was sleeping (Anikae would have told them where he lived) or when he was in statue form. The current method is definitely more dramatic though. Also, I wondered what he was thinking when he realized that the only available way to detach that thing was to get Noa to knock him out. 

I am still wondering how the Agency can function when their main method of ensuring loyalty also badly depowers their Agents, makes them incapable of acting covertly. The instant K.O. thing would also be a huge problem except that it looks like only one person can actually pull it off. 

Between this fight and the earlier ones, I'd say that this one is more epic and less drawn-out. :P Partly because Godden and Gineden are reunited once more. 

How did Niccoli Evomnetra get that thing into the Winter Queen? Did something freaky to his semen? 

It's rather odd that Van would teleport them into what seems to be a hospital that happens to be in the middle of a warzone, although I suppose that his being out of the loop of news for quite a while may have made him ignorant of the danger. Also odd that the Agents were able to fly in there using their airship when you would expect all the rebels around to immediately notice and start shooting at it.

Well, reading all that was pretty much a blast. I think my heart rate is actually elevated now because of these 12 chapters. And I really can't wait until Agent Shadow gets his comeuppance on Evomnetra, so do release the next set of chapters in no time.

So far, I think the main criticism I have with this story is that it's about 90% punching and kicking people into oblivion, with too little talking, description, history, .etc. Now, perhaps the current structure helps to maintain the entire chase for Noa as an essentially a single, very long and fluid scene and keeps the pace extremely progressive.

One drawback to such a high, uh, action density is that it's harder to distinguish the less important major characters in terms of personality, thinking and speaking patterns, .etc (the Rail squad members suffer more from this). I wonder what the results would be if you tried to stretch out the "peaceful" parts and tried to expand on the background of the story. It might break the pace pretty badly, but on the other hand, it would flesh out the world and also make the read more leisurely than stressful.

Ziare and Delta stood ready to intercept Noa if she tried to flee.iloveflash

Given that everyone knows of the difference in sheer power between those two and the Winter Queen, this sounds like masochism. 

I'm about to write chapter 45 so I'll only address the point about the jewels. And I will do it very covertly so as not to spoil anything.

It actually hasn't been suggested that the jewels make the Agents weaker. In fact, since losing their jewels, the Agents have been steadily recovering some useful powers (Ghost's transmitter ability; Lair's dragon seal). And, as you mentioned, the only person who has even attempted to target their jewels is Noa, the person (SPOILER) revealed in chapter 41 as responsible for the jewels' existence in the first place. Thus you can assume no one else is concerned about removing the jewels for unspoken but explanatory reasons. These are all details that I forget to point out, but they're easy to figure out from inferences, or so I would like to think.

Hoo-ah! I hit chapter 41 before I slept last night (at like 4am) after making my way through it all of yesterday whenever I had a spare moment.

I'll first off say that chapter 29 was my favourite, although there are some later ones that have the same atmosphere that I'll brush over in a bit. It recalled some of the great second acts that I really like... darkest hour deals. The Avengers under the sceptre's influence. :P Lair's protests I would have liked to see more of, but it didn't really seem like she had a point other than not liking Van. I thought now would be a great time for the other members of the squad to air their dirty laundry, about Elf's decision, Lair's impetulance, (Ziare's incompetence lol) or the "Liare" relationship that people should be noticing. It certainly seems to be the boiling point in terms of character development here, as it's business as usual the rest of the chapters because it's go-go-go all the time. But this is when they are out of the eyes of Agency and professionalism be damned. Like I mentioned, there are some nice scenes with Rail Plt., but none are--or have the opportunity to be--as raw as this moment in time. This is the chapter where I caught a glimpse of each agent's individual wants, and I quite wish more was said about that.

There are some good things I like that are materializing a lot more, this run of chapters. Allegiances out the ass, but you'd think Elf squad would learn after getting screwed over by folks way more dangerous than they are. I get that Noa is powerful, but she's got some serious roid rage. Let her go for a swim and leave her there. She's proven time and again to be unreliable in a pinch, so I personally don't see why the agents remain loyal to her unless they're masochists. And to that note, I don't understand black-haired Noa's motives... I assumed she was possessed all this time, but Symbiote (and Gineden) have been exorcised and she's still a psychopath.

If I may add onto Barb's comments...

 I wonder what the results would be if you tried to stretch out the "peaceful" parts and tried to expand on the background of the story. It might break the pace pretty badly, but on the other hand, it would flesh out the world and also make the read more leisurely than stressful. Barb

A big part of what I think about this is the use of terminology. There are some phrases that get bandied about that are common knowledge to maybe the characters, but it's tough looking for context clues that might not be there. eg:

     "The Cloud!" she exclaimed. "I cannot string any ethers together for another shadow jump. Ex?"

    The man looked at his shadow on the ground, then shook his head at her.
    "That can only mean one thing," Rail said in a hushed voice. "Rail Platoon is..." flash

Okay, so re-reading it I got that it pretty much meant Rail Plt is screwed. But I had to go back when I was reading for the first time because I thought I was missing what she was referring to about ethers, and that was something important to the plot. So when she said it could "only mean one thing," I was like, it can? Not the best example, but just a point where the characters know more than the readers. There are some instances where ideas and locations are used casually, and as it stands, those passages seem cluttered to me. It would be less cluttered if they were explained a little more (given room to breathe). IMO I don't think this will hurt the pace or flow at all. As it stands, the terminology has me swiping up to second-guess my interpretation (or hunting down any glossaries you might have). The gigantic amount of lore of this story is definitely present, but it's gone about in such a cryptic way it doesn't seem like we're getting much of it.

As usual, commendations for your fights. It's exhausting, but I'm liking them much more mostly because they're not against faceless demons and monsters (although what's a nameless rebel or agent...) But every punch means a blow to a real organization, and that has rammifications.

Anyway, my biggest criticism that needs immediate addressing and rectification: "Rail, standing tall, clutched a small pistol upside-down with her pinkie on the trigger" (c 40).

What! Why!

So I've swung back in here to chat with you guys while I cool off from this epic work of art over here called Metal Shadow Prelude chapter 45, which isn't even completed yet, but I can already told won't need much editing.

B A R B A R I S E R

What you're suggesting is that I add fillers, which I hate, but clearly there's a need for it in a couple of areas in order to flesh out the world and characters some more. I'll be doing an edit pass-through (maybe 3 passes total) when I'm finished with the series which will expand on the resting scenes a bit, and I'll probably also do something to the action scenes to make them more a) thematic and b) revealing/explanatory of the fighting style and magic mechanics of the Metal Shadow universe, since I believe this is the major factor that makes fight scenes uninteresting to people. I'm sure that altogether it will make the series feel less shallow; however, do know that I hate fillers so I probably won't be expanding on them by leaps and bounds, but rather only enough to add substance where you and other readers said the story was lacking. I'm pretty good at making transitions at this point so breaking the pace won't become an issue. I'll also be making these expansive edits at calculated areas, such as when Elf Squad is at rest after capturing Van, aboard the Aerial Rail, and inside the tower.

Regarding everything else, once again, very insightful and helpful! Btw, it was Dragon responsible for the parasite, not Niccoli. Also, ew.

S H A R P I E

Since I've been writing this thing for so long I often forget what is known and unknown to readers. Can you remember any other terms that I should definitely put on my radar when I make the edit rounds?

I also think you're alluding to some of the settings being rushed in their introduction, which is sort of true. The underground city is probably the biggest culprit. Past that there are only a few areas that need a bit of exposition; I skipped some stuff in my aim to crank out three chapters/week and make each chapter stick to the outline, but never anything major. Some more scenery would be nice, though.

Anyway, yay! Some feedback at last. Now I'm going to sleep so I can edit and complete ch.42-45 tomorrow.

(Wow, just 11 chapters left. After that and the three edit passes, I'll be done with Metal Shadow Prelude for good. I'm kind of nostialgic suddenly.)

Argh, you've been uploading so many new chapters. Now I'm way behind.

Chapter 24:

"And then it came to her; Elfs words to Ziare when he was on his knees before her back at the dragon's den. And when youre lying where I am from overusing your ability, call that another lesson learned."

Excellent use of a call-back. +2 internets. That's quite a pickle they're in.

"Without Ziare, there was no way for her to communicate to Ghost, but she hoped against hope that that distraction had told him, wherever he was, that it was time to leave."

What does that mean?

Chapter 25 

 "The rest of the creatures tentacles waved at him from above.

Lairs concentration broke when"

On the JP site, the space between those paragraphs is hardly larger than the normal space between paragraphs. I suggest using a "***" line or something like that to make it more obvious. 

Argh, you've been uploading so many new chapters. Now I'm way behind.

waZelda

I know that feeling. :P

"Without Ziare, there was no way for her to communicate to Ghost, but she hoped against hope that that distraction had told him, wherever he was, that it was time to leave."

What does that mean?

waZelda

It's one of those figures of speech that you can't make sense of. Best not to think on it; I will probably edit that out later.

On the JP site, the space between those paragraphs is hardly larger than the normal space between paragraphs. I suggest using a "***" line or something like that to make it more obvious. 

waZelda

In the later chapters I started bolding the first three words of a scene again. I hate using those symbols because of potential formatting issues.

Alright, I have decided on a schedule. I'll be reading two chapters every morning until I've caught up, and then maybe read someone elses work later on.

Chapter 26 and 27:

Not much to say. I like the whole situation of cooperating with Van while sceming to take him down later on. 

Alright, I have decided on a schedule. I'll be reading two chapters every morning until I've caught up, and then maybe read someone elses work later on.

waZelda

I think that's the first time I've heard anyone on the board suggest they plan on reading someone else's work. :P I recommend Alignment's Clash by EndlessGame, been rereading that in secret and just loving the daylights out of it. Were you in the union when Endless started that?

LOL the moment I put the question mark I remembered that the Curse of the Black Diamond came out the same year Alignment's Clash went on hiatus (2008 IIRC).

And great, now I feel old.

Anyway, I'll hold you to that schedule. *bundles whip*

I completely forgot to address this point to Sharpie, so I'm posting it here instead of editing the old post so he can see it.

Rail holds her gun upside-down because badass. Also, it's the only way I can think of that meshes close-quarter combat with gun fighting. If you hold it right-side up it might frequently get in your way no matter what punch you throw. Holding it upside-down (i.e. as if it is an extra finger) should, hypothetically, allow you to throw straight punches cleanly, with only curved punches being obstructed; and the idea is that she only fires when throwing curved punches.

This just came to mind because I thought she might be at it again in ch. 46. However, in the process of figuring out if I want another action scene at this junction, considering the final "battle" is just ahead, I'm starting to lean toward "no" with a strong dallop of "do something non-violent yet still uber-creative instead".

I don't think straight punches with a gun are all that. Hooks and uppercuts conjoined by gunfire on the other hand, that's just beautiful. And she can do straight gunpunches with the gun upside-down as well.

Oh my god, I said gunpunches.

Chapter 30 and 31:

Has Ashley been brought up before? Because if not, he seems to be thrown into the story not fully formed. I mean, I get some of his past and the impression that he is roughly Noa's level, but not much personality or motivation.

For some reason, whenever a big action scene starts, I begin to read unfocused, often discovering at the end of the paragraph that I thought about something else when reading it and couldn't tell a single word that stood in it. I think that's a really bad sign in a story as action-filled as this one, particularly since chapter 31 ends with the promise of more action. 

That's...veeery helpful information. o_0 I'm curious, did you enjoy the action scenes from the previous drafts more or was it the same back then? And are you a fan of action in general?

I believe those are Ashlie and Baelie's debut chapters. The fact that I gave them names may be misleading people into thinking they are important, but they are throwaway characters. I just didn't want to name them brother 1 and brother 2 since they get an entire chapter to themselves.

My main goal with them is to have them represent what the average Clandestined family is like, and where they stand relative to the Agency (or at least Elf Squad) in terms of fighting ability. This comparison comes full-swing in the main canon where almost no one on Elf Squad's level shows up for a very long while; there are people compared to Clandestined in the main canon, but not the Agents.

I don't think straight punches with a gun are all that. Hooks and uppercuts conjoined by gunfire on the other hand, that's just beautiful. And she can do straight gunpunches with the gun upside-down as well.

Oh my god, I said gunpunches.

iloveflash

Broson, what you need is armour-piercing gunpunches with post-penetration bullet ejaculation.

[QUOTE="iloveflash"]

I don't think straight punches with a gun are all that. Hooks and uppercuts conjoined by gunfire on the other hand, that's just beautiful. And she can do straight gunpunches with the gun upside-down as well.

Oh my god, I said gunpunches.

Foolz3h

Broson, what you need is armour-piercing gunpunches with post-penetration bullet ejaculation.

Is that to say, homebro, I need double gunpunch ejaculation starting with a single thrustbust, followed by a delayedbust?

32 and 33:

It seems... he replied, ...Ive fallen into your boat.

Is that a sex thing?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

"I know, Van thought back. Were just all soldiers of tragedy." 

Got me wondering. What is the agency's purpose when they're not hunting people down like this? What does the higher-ups tell them to make them fell purposeful? Are they exclusively a military branch? 

@flash - I will just have to chalk that one up to anime-style logic lol. Holding anything in the palm of your hand while you punch will "get in the way." Technically when you make a punching fist, your fingers should be dug into your palms as tight as they go, and then some, so you've got a straight 90 degree bend. The power of the punch comes from the hard, flat edge from your big knuckle to your elbow so you are just crushing your fingers if you've got something clenched in your hand lol. A tight fist is to avoid messing up your wrist or just glancing off and skinning your second set of knuckles because that doesn't hurt him, just you. A pistol grip is pretty bulky as well--combine that with having to angle your hand weird to get your punch to connect properly (not to mention the whole gun safety issue)--just kind of awkward to visualize.

Anyway, carry on. >_> 

Edit: Speaking of anime-style logic, have you checked out Monty Oum's new series? If a girl gets around by the force of shooting a rifle bigger than her, what am I to say?

Everyone's asking me about Monty Oum's new series. It's like, jeebus. How could I even. You know? How...even could I. How even could I. Like, if I didn't know about RWBY by now, I wouldn't be entitled to watch anything of his ever again. 'Tis Flashtonian Law. How does no one know this.

A better question is why haven't I been yelling about RWBY for the past several weeks on end.

Anyway, again, primary reason for the upside-down gun is because badass. We can't take this conversation anywhere unless that is understood. I've heard tell of the clenched palm thing--you have to cup your flesh and ball it up real tight. Sticking your pinkie fingers out like Bruce Lee is also asinine and dumb-stupid.

But Bruce Lee is pretty badass. So, naturally, sticking your pinkies out is badass. Therefore gunpunching is several level above badass. Make sense?

...I'm starting to think I should just practice drawing and turn this into a manga.

Got me wondering. What is the agency's purpose when they're not hunting people down like this? What does the higher-ups tell them to make them fell purposeful? Are they exclusively a military branch? 

waZelda

IIRC chapter 29 answers that. The Agents are subjects in a science project, so they spend most of their time getting experimented on. As Ghost points out, most of their (handful of) missions are peacekeeping, like eradicating beastie and stuff.

The fact that you're asking that is another sign that I haven't given enough exposition up to this point. I'm tacking that on to the list of edits that need to be made.

Glad to see you sticking to your schedule!

Also:

That's...veeery helpful information. o_0 I'm curious, did you enjoy the action scenes from the previous drafts more or was it the same back then? And are you a fan of action in general?

iloveflash

Answer the question pliz.

@flash - I apologize for being a slave to my gritty, documentary-realism Canadian consciousness (which is a real thing, I assure you).

I'm pretty sure I've seen the upside-down gun thing done in some wacky Bollywood action movie, so the idea's been ruined for me for a while.

[QUOTE="Foolz3h"][QUOTE="iloveflash"]

I don't think straight punches with a gun are all that. Hooks and uppercuts conjoined by gunfire on the other hand, that's just beautiful. And she can do straight gunpunches with the gun upside-down as well.

Oh my god, I said gunpunches.

iloveflash

Broson, what you need is armour-piercing gunpunches with post-penetration bullet ejaculation.

Is that to say, homebro, I need double gunpunch ejaculation starting with a single thrustbust, followed by a delayedbust?

Now you are catching on brodude!

Also:

[QUOTE="iloveflash"]

That's...veeery helpful information. o_0 I'm curious, did you enjoy the action scenes from the previous drafts more or was it the same back then? And are you a fan of action in general?

iloveflash

Answer the question pliz.

Probably better in this draft, because when I tried to think back to the action scenes from the last one, I really did not remember much besides Noa's final showdown with all the pregnant ladies. I usually remember stuff I read/heard/watched if it made an impression, so I take the fact that I remember more from this draft as a sign that it is better.

Chapter 34 and 35:

Good exposition here. That sure is one ugly parasite. 

"He climbed into the sofa and made a blanket for Noa using himself." 

Shared body heat for the win. 

I'm upping the release schedule to 1 chapter every 2 days. There's 7 chapters left, so we should be done by the 14th. Can you dig that?

Kay, ch.46: Countdown (Part 2) is up.

Sounds good to me. Maybe I'll eventually go down to one chapter every morning so I get to read every day until it's done.

Chapter 36 and 37:

What a twist! So the parasite was Gineden. Did not see that one coming.

The Flying Elf and the Airial Rail. Something tells me there aren't that many teams with ships like that if they go with that name scheme. Of the top of my head I can think of Floating, Gliding, Hovering, Soaring and Airborne. Come to think of it, The Flying Elf suddenly sounds like a pretty boring name considering the options.

By the way, weren't they ordered to apprehend Van? Was it dead or alive or just alive, because if the latter, then firing cannons at him seems like a bad idea. 

Good point, probably not.

Chapter 38 and 39:

How do you pronounce Raffikke? I know how I would pronounce it in Norwegian (and it would not sound like a name at all), but in Enlish? I have no idea.

I like how the agents suddenly have to team up with Noa. What I'm most curious about in the up-coming battle is how strong Noa will be compared to how strong she was with Gineden's aid, I mean the power boost went away once the parasite was removed, right? 

It's RAH-fick, like "graphic" without the "g". MS has a pretty consistent naming scheme so whenever you see certain characters you will know how to pronounce the word/name. :)

Ew I left a smiley. By the way, is that how you'd pronounce it in Norwgian?

By the way. Chapter 47.

If you're looking for answers, this is where you'll find 'em. This chapter has nothing but. Do be aware (barbariser) that it's impossible for me to address every question posed so far in 3,000 words. :P The main loss is that no one gets to ask Noa about her mysterious hair color change and she doesn't get to flourish it.