Sonic RPG 9 - Paradise Lost

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demoman_chaos

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#1651 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
NO ZOMBIES!!!! Zombies and vampires now are far too overused. I will PM you some basic plat ideas I've come up with.
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BABYLON1990

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#1652 BABYLON1990
Member since 2007 • 1732 Posts
i would say a simple plot with quite a few twists. no cliche's like world destruction/domination and the like, or overused themes and stuff. i do plan on playing the next one through, so count me in.
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barren167

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#1653 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
NO ZOMBIES!!!! Zombies and vampires now are far too overused. I will PM you some basic plat ideas I've come up with. demoman_chaos
I don't think that this RPG ever has, nor ever will, use zombies, or vampires. It's about Sonic, you see, and the closest he's gotten to those is the "forces of the underworld" in Sonic & the Black Knight/Sonic '06. Another possible idea to throw out (says I) is actually giving players solo usage of a single, minor, Sonic universe character. Many people tend to have favorites even among those not so many care about, and the chance to be in charge of their favorite without the chance that someone will take control away from that character for a completely different job (meaning their character doesn't get to work alongside their hero any more) would likely appeal to a few people.
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sonicphc

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#1654 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
So as not to keep you all waiting any longer, I'm going to start releasing it in daily chapters of the stuff I have done and am happy with. There will be 7 chapters, so the last bit should be posted on New Year's. The first chapter is pretty much entirely Newton, so I'll TL;DR it in a spoiler below, but if you don't read it through then some of the slightly more experimental writing in the last chapter might not make a ton of sense. 1. The Prophet And here's your TL;DR (It's still a good paragraph of summary): [spoiler] TL;DR - Newton and Kyson go to pull the "James possession" gambit once more to rally the Lamarians against the Bestians, but everything quickly goes downhill once Jericho makes the unexpected move of calling Newton out as a fraud (recall that Newton's first performance is what he's been building his fake prophecies around). Caught off guard, Newton is nearly killed by Jericho onstage when, in an awkward twist, James actually does possess him, protecting him from harm. The moment James is done making his speech and rallying the people, however, he leaves and takes his mystical protection with him, allowing an enraged Jericho to hastily slay Newton. Newton becomes a martyr, and the enraged populace storms the stage to destroy Jericho, more motivated for war than any plan Newton could have ever devised. [/spoiler]

And a little commentary: [spoiler] You'll notice as we go that this chapter is a bit longer than others will be, especially when you consider that it's only dedicated to one character. However, it's basically the last you're going to see of Newton, where as other characters are going to get written into multiple chapters. [/spoiler]

And an apology to mariostar/barren: [spoiler] My outline barely features your characters at all. Sorry. I really tried, but so much of what you and your characters did was off the main plotlines that any sort of wrap up I would write for them wouldn't advance the action of this little mini novel conclusion thing I'm doing. I can promise you Luke does some plot critical stuff, but he doesn't ever actually show up as much as he does get mentioned. Honestly, you're probably better off writing the conclusion for your characters yourself once you see what I've done with the main plot. Again, I'm really sorry about that, but trying to give every main character major face time and still keep this thing focused/cohesive just wasn't going to happen :( [/spoiler]
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demoman_chaos

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#1655 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
An interesting Christmas present. At least it all will be released before I have to disappear for a few months.
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Soniczero1993

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#1656 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts

Interesting stuff. I will have to read more of it.

On the subject of Luke and such, beyond getting into a few tussles, him and that little robot thing were not pulling their weight around. Last I saw that machine shut itself down, and I forget what happened to Luke himself. I think he was lost in some dream realm thing or something.

Mesa had a funny idea he would get the short end of the stick TBH, since he did very little to the plot and instead made a story arc all for Luke, which everyone else did not get involved in at all. Where as Peter was scheming (I think, I know kj had one more, maybe he was the one doing the thinking), Danial and Polly were planning, Screech was trying to kill everyone, and Newton was trying to save everyone from war. I'm not sure if MS was going to join with us later, but I know he pulled away from everyone upon going his own way.

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kjhg53

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#1657 kjhg53
Member since 2008 • 30455 Posts

Where as Peter was scheming (I think, I know kj had one more, maybe he was the one doing the thinking)Soniczero1993
That wouls be Tomas and Annie. Peter was more like the one derping around.

Read the first part and do want more.

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barren167

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#1658 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
I'm not quite sure what I was doing, but I think I was still sort of annoyed/mad about the whole mass destruction plot thing (and the "your characters always have to lose in fights or you're not being realistic about the story" thing) and decided to head off to fix both those problems with, greater mass destruction. Calling myself three months ago a a strange person comes so easily to me. *shrug*
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sonicphc

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#1659 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
A much shorter chapter. 2. The Plan Polly's fun to write. :)
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Soniczero1993

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#1660 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts
Oh, Screech is in. Me gusta.
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demoman_chaos

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#1661 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
Polly's fun to write. :)sonicphc
You use her well, I must say.
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sonicphc

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#1662 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
This section worked way better with a slight change to the last few posts of the RPG. Namely, pretend the very last post I made never happened. :) 3. The Memory
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demoman_chaos

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#1663 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
Your link leads to a blank document mate, at least for me.
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barren167

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#1664 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
Not blank, new. As in, it sends you to the "new document" page. You also have to log in to get in, because it's your (the email address of the one logging in) document, as opposed to phc's (unless phc is reading this, then it is his...). URL messing didn't work either, far too many variables.
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sonicphc

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#1665 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
Fixed link.
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barren167

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#1666 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
I have to say, at the rate everything's going, even if you skip all any major battles (or let the various people here carry them out, either one I can imagine you doing), I still don't quite see how you'd finish everything in four more chapters. Might just be me though. *shrug* And in other notes, unless something major changes, I think I've figured out a fairly appropriate ending for Luke that can fit with most anything you do with him. The rest of the characters I made, well, I'll wait and see.
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sonicphc

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#1667 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
[QUOTE="barren167"]I have to say, at the rate everything's going, even if you skip all any major battles (or let the various people here carry them out, either one I can imagine you doing), I still don't quite see how you'd finish everything in four more chapters. Might just be me though. *shrug* And in other notes, unless something major changes, I think I've figured out a fairly appropriate ending for Luke that can fit with most anything you do with him. The rest of the characters I made, well, I'll wait and see.

Actually, I'm starting to look at just three more chapters. I'm not sure what crazy battles you have in mind, but if you pay close attention you'll see there's really just one, and like hell I'm going to write every last gory detail. I focus on one character's perspective per chapter, and the rest of the details should be fairly easily inferred by the reader. That's a nice difference between the RPG play writing and more novelistic writing - every painstaking detail doesn't have to be written in stone.
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kjhg53

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#1668 kjhg53
Member since 2008 • 30455 Posts
Just minor correction: Peter sent out when he was 18, not 16. So he's been traveling for only a couple of months really. Other then that, do like.
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sonicphc

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#1669 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
Just minor correction: Peter sent out when he was 18, not 16. So he's been traveling for only a couple of months really. Other then that, do like.kjhg53
Eh, I knew I'd get some detail wrong. A couple of months is still enough time for him to copy some abilities and kill some folks. *shrug* ;)
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demoman_chaos

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#1671 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
I am curious of how Dem will be used.
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sonicphc

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#1672 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
I am curious of how Dem will be used.demoman_chaos
You've only got another chapter until you find out. The next one may take an extra day - Combat writing isn't my thing, and I'm not sure exactly how I want/need the whole battle to play out in the end for the rest of the plot to work. :/
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barren167

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#1673 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
Am I correct that the next RPG will not be a sequel to this one?
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sonicphc

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#1674 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
Am I correct that the next RPG will not be a sequel to this one?barren167
Why on Earth would I do that? Besides, there's not really going to be a need for a sequel once I'm done with this...
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demoman_chaos

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#1675 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
All will die, except Dem and Screech because they are immune to the C-virus (also known as the average grade-virus).
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barren167

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#1676 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
[QUOTE="barren167"]Am I correct that the next RPG will not be a sequel to this one?sonicphc
Why on Earth would I do that?

Because, if memory serves, the first seven RPGs were all sequels to each other, or at least featured the same characters. There's always the chance that such a tradition will be continued, though admittedly it'd be more likely if you weren't here to design something better.
All will die, except Dem and Screech because they are immune to the C-virus (also known as the average grade-virus).demoman_chaos
Somehow, I think phc has a tad more inventive idea that that. For example, that nuke storehouse Screech pulled out of nowhere detonates right at the climax and ends the world.
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Soniczero1993

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#1677 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts
I forgot about those nukes. Uh oh....
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sonicphc

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#1678 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
[QUOTE="sonicphc"][QUOTE="barren167"]Am I correct that the next RPG will not be a sequel to this one?barren167
Why on Earth would I do that?

Because, if memory serves, the first seven RPGs were all sequels to each other, or at least featured the same characters. There's always the chance that such a tradition will be continued, though admittedly it'd be more likely if you weren't here to design something better.

They weren't intended to be sequels. Some people just chose to keep relationships between characters

All will die, except Dem and Screech because they are immune to the C-virus (also known as the average grade-virus).demoman_chaos
Somehow, I think phc has a tad more inventive idea that that. For example, that nuke storehouse Screech pulled out of nowhere detonates right at the climax and ends the world.

Heh. Dem would be right but... well, spoilers :)
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white_kunoichi

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#1679 white_kunoichi
Member since 2010 • 4741 Posts
I don't know when I'm gonna get a new computer so ya'll may have to start without me til then. I may not encounter anyone's characters perhaps the very middle or slighty to the end of the RPG.
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barren167

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#1680 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
[QUOTE="barren167"][QUOTE="sonicphc"][QUOTE="barren167"]Am I correct that the next RPG will not be a sequel to this one?sonicphc
Why on Earth would I do that?

Because, if memory serves, the first seven RPGs were all sequels to each other, or at least featured the same characters. There's always the chance that such a tradition will be continued, though admittedly it'd be more likely if you weren't here to design something better.

They weren't intended to be sequels. Some people just chose to keep relationships between characters

All will die, except Dem and Screech because they are immune to the C-virus (also known as the average grade-virus).demoman_chaos
Somehow, I think phc has a tad more inventive idea that that. For example, that nuke storehouse Screech pulled out of nowhere detonates right at the climax and ends the world.

Heh. Dem would be right but... well, spoilers :)

... All right, all right, I'll save the debating/arguing for after the story's conclusion. But then...
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barren167

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#1681 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
Google documents' new design is miserably confusing. I did manage to (re)find phc's folder with the RPG stuff in it, meaning I could have fixed the link last time myself had I thought of it. Just saying because tomorrow is New Year's Day...
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sonicphc

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#1682 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
[QUOTE="barren167"]Google documents' new design is miserably confusing. I did manage to (re)find phc's folder with the RPG stuff in it, meaning I could have fixed the link last time myself had I thought of it. Just saying because tomorrow is New Year's Day...

Life happened. I'm working on it :)
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barren167

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#1683 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
I figured as much, as that's been the answer all but one of the times things got delayed, and I understand. It's just in case it's a repeat of the one time when you actually forgot. :P
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demoman_chaos

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#1684 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
You have until the 8th to finish this. It must be done before I leave. GANON will explain the consequences of failure.
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sonicphc

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#1685 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
4. The Victim Few notes: [spoiler] The features Newton built that she's talking about are the red liquid, which Newton never got around to testing, and the natural fur disguise that could be built into Dem's armor. Yes, that means Dem is a robot covered in a skin/fur coating covered in more armor. It'll matter in a bit ;) Also this wasn't even going to be a chapter originally. I had planned for the next chapter to just start with Polly/Dem carrying in Tails, and mentioning in a brief paragraph what had happened, but this scene just kept building and building in my head and I just had to write it all down. [/spoiler]
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barren167

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#1686 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
All right, one of my characters might pop up! All right, it's not that great a deal, it's just that I inexplicably like my characters appearing in a story written by someone else. Weird thing... *shrug*
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sonicphc

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#1687 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
5. The Renegade This is by far the longest chapter, clocking in around 3000 words. Even better, you're getting it with almost 0 proofreading for the sake of time. Enjoy! Commentary for those who care: [spoiler] I was originally going to do this whole scene from Polly's perspective, with her walking in and carrying Tails' body and all. Then I decided to stick chapter 4 in there, and doing two Polly-perspective chapters in a row without a large time gap felt inconsistent with how the rest of the story was being told. But then there were no other characters present, save for Daro, and we haven't seen enough of him for me to have a personality to work with. And then I thought how much fun it would be for Danial and Polly to interact seriously. (I couldn't remember if they had interacted before. A search yielded nothing, but the GameSpot search sucks. If they had interacted before, well, let me know and I'll edit those few paragraphs where he recognizes her to be more appropriate). It was pretty easy to get Danial in the scene. He and Sirvanna would have left for Knothole, eventually, and they'd have run into the army, which would have wanted Danial on their side. I also wanted to play with the "Danial will soon be a father" bit. That always seems to mess with people's heads. Still, I didn't want to change Danial too much - he's really fun to write. Besides, it makes since for his mid-life crisis to last about 30 minutes before saying '***** it'. Also, I censored everything with 5 asterisks, regardless of the word, to protect any and all innocent, or those who wish to think them innocent. Insert your favorite expletives in your head as you come across them. Oh, and cameos for Byrd, Harris, and Daro. I'll cram Eddie and co. in there eventually. [/spoiler]
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Soniczero1993

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#1688 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts
I'm interested why you like Danial so much.
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demoman_chaos

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#1689 demoman_chaos
Member since 2006 • 13896 Posts
I think Polly and Dan built some robots together from scraps after the first attack by Screech.
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kjhg53

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#1690 kjhg53
Member since 2008 • 30455 Posts
I think Polly and Dan built some robots together from scraps after the first attack by Screech.demoman_chaos
Yeah, cause I remember Peter popped in for a second during that. And there was a comment on how crappy the security of the castle was.
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barren167

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#1691 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
Finally, everyone's getting together. Now just to see who ends up on whose side, not to mention who ends up dead, if/when the coalition breaks up and the four-way battle properly commences (or three-way if they last long enough to destroy Bestia first). Of course, there are still even more pieces just waiting out there to move into position, the amount of possible ways for this to end (in my mind) have multiplied about ten-fold now. So many people/machines hiding out there with something of power.
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sonicphc

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#1692 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
I think Polly and Dan built some robots together from scraps after the first attack by Screech.demoman_chaos
Edited the one line. Danial forgetting all that in his confusion/rage makes it all the more comedic. ;)
I'm interested why you like Danial so much.Soniczero1993
He and Polly are very different than what I'm used to writing. Newton and Jasmine try to be "good people," and will overtly orient their decisions around helping others. Polly is what Newton would like to think of himself: Does whatever helps her and will get life back to normal. Despite how many times Newton said that he just wants his life back, he's lying to himself. He and Polly could have escaped the castle long ago and let one random person he'd never meet die in his place. He didn't, and played hero. There's no real heroism in Polly's actions - only necessity. Hence her incredibly sarcastic and jaded personality. Danial, on the other hand, is incredibly aggressive to the point where it's comedic. There's one or two jokes and a number of comical situations in the last chapter as a result of Danial's brashness. (He spends a whole page and a half having a mid-life crisis and before returning to envisioning people's heads on sticks, for goodness sake.) I don't do comedic writing that often, and the juxtaposition of the comedy with the seriousness of Danial's attitude and the graveness of the situation makes it all the more fun :) Please, feel free to discuss what you like/don't like and talk speculation and stuff. It tells me what you're noticing and enjoying and what you're not catching onto so I can improve my writing as I go. Also, seeing people discussing and/or noticing details is the most rewarding thing for a writer/musician/artist etc, and that energy would probably help me write faster ;)
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Soniczero1993

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#1693 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts

Just one thing to note, Danial's gun is not really a rifle. It's a sniper/railgun kind of rifle. Granted he could fire it at point blank if he wanted, he usually snipes with it. He saves up close shooting to his palm blasters.

Of course warning shots from a railgun sniper thing would kind of scare people since it still has the power to tear through thick armor and destroy flesh and bone like it was wet paper. So it works either way.

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sonicphc

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#1694 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts

Just one thing to note, Danial's gun is not really a rifle. It's a sniper/railgun kind of rifle. Granted he could fire it at point blank if he wanted, he usually snipes with it. He saves up close shooting to his palm blasters.

Of course warning shots from a railgun sniper thing would kind of scare people since it still has the power to tear through thick armor and destroy flesh and bone like it was wet paper. So it works either way.

Soniczero1993
Meh. That's being nitpicky. I'm more interested in what you think of the characters' actions, plot, jokes, etc. ;)
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barren167

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#1695 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
Please, feel free to discuss what you like/don't like and talk speculation and stuff. It tells me what you're noticing and enjoying and what you're not catching onto so I can improve my writing as I go. Also, seeing people discussing and/or noticing details is the most rewarding thing for a writer/musician/artist etc, and that energy would probably help me write faster ;)sonicphc
I'm waiting to see what Luke does for that. Anything I can suggest now would be possible spoilers, if I bring up something you've already thought of and planned for, or just speculation that's not really a proper comment. Those are really waiting until I see just what Luke is up to. Well, him and Moria Kintobor, the latter was a ton of wasted potential on my part. *shrug*
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Soniczero1993

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#1696 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts
The latter was also somewhat against what we usually do: no family ties to official characters. I guess we were being lenient.
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barren167

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#1697 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
It wasn't in the rules, no one said it was illegal, and the guy he was related to was dead anyway, and not a hero. Plus I kind of snuck him in after the RPG started, which didn't help anything (though did serve to confuse PHC for a moment).
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Soniczero1993

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#1698 Soniczero1993
Member since 2005 • 35070 Posts
In our past RPGs, that was a rule.
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sonicphc

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#1699 sonicphc
Member since 2005 • 7779 Posts
*facepalm* Given that I'm writing the conclusion, arguing over minor rule details seems kind of pointless, yeah? Anyhow, I wrote another 1000 words or so today, then read over it and decided it was stupid. So, yeah, chapter 6 is going to be delayed until tomorrow. :?
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barren167

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#1700 barren167
Member since 2011 • 2606 Posts
Almost was worried, then I remembered that you're Pacific time zone, meaning that was posted at about 10 PM for you, instead of the 12 AM it registered as for us (meaning myself, S0, and anyone else in Central Time). Looking forward to it, as usual.