The Writers Lounge Weekly Writers Challenge

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Foolz3h

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#1 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Welcome to TWLWWC!

Here you will find a fun and creative writing challenge posted weekly by one of the officers. Apart from having fun and perhaps honing your l33t writingz sk11lz11 you will receive prestige points!

For each challenge you complete you shall receive 15 points, and for each challenge you complete consecutively you will receive a bonus 5 points! Not only that but if your completed challenge is deemed the best by the officer who posted it, you shall receive a prize of bonus points! If you complete all challenges in a month you shall not only receive 10 bonus points for each challenge of the month, you shall also gain a wonderful tag proclaiming your challenge completing skills!

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Foolz3h

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#2 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Thank to EndlessGame for getting things rolling:

"Write a short script for a section of an episode of Family Guy. (Following a story arc isn't necessary)"

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irmeleeman5995

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#3 irmeleeman5995
Member since 2005 • 2484 Posts

Peter: Aw man, Brian, Wanted just came out! We should go see it!

Brian: I dunno Peter, remember the last time we saw an Angelina Jolie movie?

*clip* Peter and Brian in theatre for Beowulf

Peter: *nudges Brian* You know, once you look past the tail, that's still pretty hot. It lets her make up for being a horrible actress.

Brian: Peter, she's a completely respectable actress, she doesn't need to be naked for her movies to do well.

Peter: *laughs hysterically outloud, people start glaring at him in the theatre* Wow, Brian, you could not have made me laugh harder just now! That has got to be the dumbest thing you have EVER said! Man...someone's a Brad Pitt fan...

*end clip*

Lois: Are you talking about Wanted? I saw a commercial for it on TV yesterday. I can't believe the garbage they're putting in theatres these days.

Brian: Well Lois, it's clear that gory, explicit violence sells tickets. It's the society we live in.

Peter: What happened to the good ol' days when TV had morals?

*Chris walks in the room*

Chris; Oh jeez dad, I thought you were about to start quoting our theme song.

Peter: *places hand on chin* Come to think of it, you're absolutely right son! I should have...hehehehehehe, I said come.

Brian: Peter, when was the last time you saw something on TV with moral fiber?

Peter: Actually, I saw a Total commercial the other day, you know, the one with Robert Downey Jr.?

*clip* Robert Downey Jr. is in his Iron Man armor, holding a bowl of Total.

Iron Man: You know, I'm able to fly for hours on end battling terror only because I have Total once a day for breakfast. Try it today!

*end clip*

Brian: Peter that was a commercial for Total. And that commerical was totally ridiculous anyway.

Lois: Hehe...you said Totally, Brian..!

Brian: Shut up, my point is, there was never any moral fiber on TV. We're not missing anything now!

Peter: Brian, I don't think you have much room to even talk. I mean you're only 8 years old. You weren't even around for the 80's.

Brian: .......But....well I...I know but I mean...

Lois: He's absolutely right. Brian, we love you, but you're only a dog. Don't try to contradict us about what's happened to television.

Brian: *Hair becomes yellow, spikey, a yellow aurora appears around him* Only......a.......DOG?!

Peter: No....imPOSSIBLE....There hasn't been a Super Saiyan in 1,000 years!

Stewie: Oh relax, within two seasons there's gonna be like twenty more, and you're gonna get rebuilt like ten times after Goku trashes your ass.

Chicken: BA-GOK!!

Brian and Peter look, startled, in the direction of the Chicken, who has suddenly burst through a hole in the wall.

Chicken: Alright look everyone calm down, remember how the last four started? Over nothing! Peter, apologize to Brian for calling him just a dog; Brian, turn white again!

Brian: Yeah, he's right Peter. You wouldn't want this to get out of hand. Remember that Hot Coffee scandal?

*clip* Jack Thompson is sitting in a courtroom, yelling at the judge.

Jack: BOOBS!

Judge: Boobs?

Jack: BOOBS!

Judge: Boobs!

Jack: Boobs, I swear!

Judge: *strokes his chin, pondering for a moment, then steps out from behind his podium, reveals his gavel, and proceeds to pummel Jack Thomspon to the ground*

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#4 jjr10
Member since 2005 • 5880 Posts
Oh My God. I wrote one in english one year. It's stupid, but i'll try and find it.
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iloveflash

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#5 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

*nice family music as camera zooms in on house during credits*

Peter is watching TV in his bedroom, when suddenly Quagmire breaks into the room with a group of hookers latched onto his arm. They're all laughing and giggling.

Quagmire: Gigi--hehe--GIGITY. Yeah? In your back? Oh, you naughty little-- O_O

He and his hookers stop in their tracks as they spot Peter. Peter stares back.

Quagmire: Wha... Peter what... What are you--

Peter: Well I should--I should be asking you the same--

Quagmire: Yea--no, wait, no--this--isn't this my house? What're you--

Peter: No this isn't your--what? I'm watching The Legend of 1900--

Quagmire: What're you doing in here? I should call the--wait, what?

Hooker: He said this isn't--

Quagmire: SHUT UP ****! (to Peter) What?

Peter: I said this isn't your house.

Quagmire: No, not that--well yeah, that too, but what did you say you were watching?

Peter: ...Umm... Cars?

There is an awkward silence.

Peter, sighing: Awk-warrrd...

Quagmire backs up out of the room. There is silence for a moment, then a door opens and closes downstairs.

Quagmire's voice: ...I am com-pletely wasted right now.

Lois walks into the room.

Lois: Peter, have you been using my toothbrush?

Peter, slapping his forehead: Why Lois, why? Of course not!

Lois: Oh my. There's no need to get so dramatic.

Peter: It's just, I'm trying to watch this movie and everyone keeps interrupting! First Stewie comes in looking for you, dunno why, don't care; then--oh, and why can he talk so much sense at age freakin' one, British accent and all, first time that occured to me--then, uh, then Brian walks in during The Crave and starts waltzing around like a twitching idiot, totally ruined that scene for me; then Chris comes in with his evil monkey talk, and now you're here talking about your stupid toothbrush--I mean, can I watch the goddamn movie!? Can I finish it!? Is that so much to ask!? Geez, this is worse than that time I tried to play twister in the middle of Iraq!

*obligatory flashback*

Peter is playing twister with an Iraqi soldier and a US soldier. There is another Iraqi gving out the instructions.

Iraqi: Left hand on red.

Peter puts his left hand on blue.

Iraqi: Right leg on green.

US Soldier: WTF How did you not see that!

Iraqi, sighing: What now Brent?

US Soldier Brent: He put his hand on blue, how did you not see that?

Iraqi soldier: What, which blue? Show us.

The soldier puts his right hand on Peter's.

US Soldier: This blue!

Iraqi: Woops, looks like you're out.

Brent: WHAT! You cheaters, you've been trying to get me out from the start!

Iraqi: Duh, we've been trying to get your whole country out.

The soldier gets up and walks away, glaring at the Iraqi angrily. He vows to return.

Peter, sighing: We're gonna be doing this for a couple of years, aren't we?

Iraqi: That depends. Left hand on red.

Peter puts his right hand on yellow.

Iraqi, laughing and crying simultaneously: Yeah, we'll be at this for a while.

Brent returns.

Brent: I'm back, losers!

*end of flashback*

Lois: Wait, what did you say you were watching?

Peter: ...Toy Story 2?

There is an awkward silence as Lois backs out of the room.

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irmeleeman5995

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#6 irmeleeman5995
Member since 2005 • 2484 Posts
Lmao. Why was I that character? I missed the humor there....o_O
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irmeleeman5995

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#7 irmeleeman5995
Member since 2005 • 2484 Posts

This week's challenge:

Write a short-ish story about something cool you've done recently, most interesting wins!

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#8 EndlessGame
Member since 2006 • 912 Posts
The winner of the last challenge (as the officer who made the challenge now selects the winner :P ) is irmeleeman5995! W00tness and lol. 8)
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irmeleeman5995

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#9 irmeleeman5995
Member since 2005 • 2484 Posts
Yay! I get Presitge Points for that, right? Take THAT Foolz3h :P
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iloveflash

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#10 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

Lmao. Why was I that character? I missed the humor there....o_Oirmeleeman5995

Lol, that was the first name that came to my head, and either way I forgot that was your name! :P

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irmeleeman5995

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#11 irmeleeman5995
Member since 2005 • 2484 Posts

!!!!

:shock:

How on EARTH is the first name that comes to mind "BRENT"?! It's such an uncommon name, and you're such a big fan of mine....I smell evil afoot :twisted:

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Foolz3h

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#12 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

"Would you like to do a podcast?" he asked, as if it was nothing but an internet podcast. (Which it was).

"Sure," I naively replied.

A few days later I had installed skype, plugged my microphone in, and I was ready to go. I even had a glass of water ready, which is a necessity. I've watched shows with interviews, and there's always a glass of water. If there wasn't it simply wouldn't be possible. But I must apologise for my rambling.

Then the test began, all systems were go. Apart from the third member of the podcast not being there yet, and I had already drunk all my water. I immediately set off to find it. But as I'm sure you're aware Australia is currently the victim of a merciless drought that has been brutally raping the land for the last 20 years, so finding water was not a simple matter of walking out to the sink and pouring myself a glass. No, I had to fly over to a dam, sneak in Sam Fisher style, and steal some water (due to the drought, water costs more than $5 a gallon so buying it was not an option).

When I had my glass of water, I returned. The third member of the podcast was there and it was all systems go. Except that due to the third podcast member being a woman, and the guy that runs the podcast being a nerd, he'd been masturbating loudly, and had disturbed her greatly. But the life of a broadcaster is all about dealing with the unexpected. So being the seasoned broadcaster he is, he said he was mumbling to himself; it was apparently the only way he could remember things. With all members present it was time to start.

3…

2…

1…

He started with asking us what we were playing, the second member was apparently playing Cooking Mama, and a free mmorpg. A woman, she clearly was. I, due to my impeccable taste, was playing Shadow of the Colossus, Albatross18 (we all have our vices!) and No More Heroes. The main host was playing Beyond Good and Evil. When he told us to buy it, I pointed out I bought it for Xbox at launch, clearly showing how superior my taste is.

He quickly proceeded to the news. Soulcalibur IV's large install was due to the large amounts of silicon, even cutting back on clothing didn't make much difference to the install size. We also established that Yoda is a pimp and Darth Vader is his **** The main host cried, as he was in love with Darth Vader, but being a seasoned broadcaster he moved on.

I said that Wiki should be in Tetsunoko vs. Street Fighter, and the second host said it should have pigmen. Needless to say my idea was superior, and I am currently awaiting a call from Capcom about my suggestion.

And what did we all think of Chrono Trigger? Naturally the girl was not excited, but the main host had literally shat himself, and if I had a DS I would have too.

Finally we came to E3, I predicted (quite accurately) that MGS5 would be announced, along with Halo 4, and a futuristic Zelda. The show ended on the main host loosing his broadcasting composure for a moment and getting into another argument over Darth Vader or Yoda. Naturally he lost.

And that's how it ended, everyone agreed it was fun, and apparently it might be happening again. Next time I better be paid.

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Foolz3h

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#13 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Challenge for July 19th:

Think of a game you've always wanted but never got. Ponder why you've never got it, then write down what you think your reaction would be to finally getting it.

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Foolz3h

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#14 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Thanks, EndlessGame, for this weeks challenge.

"You're enjoying a fishing trip (on a boat) with family or friends (your choice which, or both) and as someone begins reeling in their line, the Jaws music begins to play slowly in your mind. Are you imagining it? Or is there really a shark? Or is it something else entirely? Write a short story explaining the events following the start of the music. (Brief summaries of who you're with are good for context )"

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Foolz3h

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#15 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

There's nothing scarier than hearing Jaws music on a fishing trip. Except perhaps seeing Jaws on a fishing trip. But nevertheless as a friend of mine reeled his line in I heard it.

"Turn that ****ing ipod down!" he shouted angrily. "I've caught a whopper!"

"I'm not listening to my ipod!" I replied.

He turned around angrily and turned to my other friend. We always take 3 on a boat trip because we are not at all secure about our sexuality. And as they say two is a party and three is a crowd.

"Turn the ****ing radio off then!"

"Sorry!" My other friend abliged and the music stopped.

"That's better. Now let me reel my line in, I think it's a fattie. You got a knife to crack it open?" he licked his lips. "Mm mm mm! I love it when the sweet juices slide across its smooth body."

"Are you a ****ing zoophile?"

"No, are you a ****ing ****

All 3 of were painted red across our cheeks.

"Of course not!"

"Good, my line is at bursting point. This fish is a hard one to pull it. Look at my line! It's a stiff one, but it's bent by the force. I think it's about to snap!"

Snap!

He was right.

"Well how about that! What do we do now?"

Before he had a chance to reply two giant tentacles rose over the side of the boat and grabbed him.

"I saw this before in a movie!" I grinned. "Have fun."

"Looks like he'll finally get laid." My other friend said as the tentacles raised him up in the air and he screamed.

"Yeah." I went red again. "He's such a virgin!"

More tentacles rose over the side of the boat, followed by a grotesque octopus head that resembled Terry Wogan.

"free little **** fithing fanthy fee?" It lithped.

"Hey, man, we can fish wherever we want you irish ****

"Ah, thwee little **** fisthing fanthy fwee, weady to feel the theath wrath: vengathe therved with a table cloth!"

The giant octopus draped a large table croth across the boat and raised a large knife and fork. He dropped my friend to the floor, drizzled special sauce over him then stabbed him with the fork and devoured him.

"Oh god!" Me and my other friend screamed.

"Do not worry!" The octopus grinned. "It ith perfectly humane. Humanth can not feel pain, and have no conthienthe, and are not thelf aware."

"You ****ing insane octopus!"

"You thilly little queer He grabbed both me and my other friend around the head and devoured us whole. And he was right, it didn't hurt.

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iloveflash

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#16 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

*stumbles into the room, clothes torn from battle*

Sorry for the late entry. Ahem--

Say something about the user above you!! :D

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Foolz3h

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#17 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts
Is about to be whipped for posting his challenge late.
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EndlessGame

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#18 EndlessGame
Member since 2006 • 912 Posts
Has suggested a shortage of funds as the cause of the non-existant state of an officer award system. :P
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Foolz3h

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#19 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

:o

Challenge for August 10th, put forth your theory on how Foolz himself could possibly have forgotten to post a challenge.

(Yes these are repetative but sue me!) :P

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Foolz3h

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#20 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

It all started with a small gnome aptly named "Shortbutlong" who liked to summon imps, and curse people. After a good five levels of travel he was taken to Goldshire by some random guy. After another 5 levels he found himself still unable to summon an imp! Distraught and frustrated he called in a favour from a contact he had, who connected him with some other contacts and bizfip was born. A shortwhile later Shortbutlong had developed a heroine addiction, and in no time found himself at level 20 with a massive hangover and a new partner named Charrath who enjoyed blowjobs. Sadly this was as far as he got, as emerging from the shadows was Autumnsolace, an emo who enjoyed cutting herself, writing poetry, and getting 3x exp.

In short I was addicted to WoW.

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iloveflash

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#21 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts
Mm, of course.
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Foolz3h

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#22 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts
*raises eyebrow and taps foot impatiently*
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iloveflash

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#23 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

*Announcers Voice* GREETINGS ALL AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO ANOTHER ROUND OF "WHAT IF"! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THEM SO LETS GET STARTED! TODAY'S "WHAT IF" IS DEDICATED TO FINAL FANTASY, WHEN YOU NEED GOLD AND EXPERIENCE, JUST BEAT UP A BUNNY! AND HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......

WHAT IF...

1.) ...you could play as bosses?

2.) ...they crossed Grand Theft Auto with Final Fantasy?

3.) ...Final Fantasy went to SEGA instead of Nintendo & Sony?

4.) ...they crossed Soul Calibur with Final Fantasy?

5.) ...Golbez, Kefka, Sephiroth, Ultimecia, Sin, Chaos, and all others all teamed up?

6.) ...the weak monsters were really the tough monsters?

7.) ...they crossed Sim City with Final Fantasy?

8.) ...guns could kill eith one shot?

9.) ...there was so many weapons, you couldn't figure out which was which?

10.) ...Mages could use swords?

11.) ...every character could have every skill and ability?

12.) ...Mages weren't weak?

13.) ...Warriors weren't strong?

14.) ...thieves didn't need to steal?

15.) ...Dragoons could fly?

16.) ...you could get the flying machine right away?

17.) ...monsters didn't give gold?

18.) ...monsters didn't give experience?

19.) ...there was no need for turn based combat?

20.) ...there was so much magic, you couldn't find the spell you wanted?

21.) ...they actually came up with more original monsters?

22.) ...every Final Fantasy game was a sequel to the last?

23.) ...every RPG game (Final Fantasy, Shining Force, Lunar, Chrono Trigger, Phantasy Star, etc.) merged as one RPG game?

24.) ...Final Fantasy was a Sim, not an RPG?

25.) ...the purpose to Final Fantasy was to simply travel and explore the world?

26.) ..."Final Fantasy" was really called "First Reality"

27.) ...there was no love story involved in any Final Fantasy?

28.) ...people stopped depending on Heroes?

29.) ...you could go straight to the final battle right at the beginning?

30.) ...there were no side quests?

Just answer any of those questions! (Made by CooperTeam) The person who answers the most, the best, wins the challenge.

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iloveflash

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#24 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

1.) ...you could play as bosses?

I've always wanted to pit a secret boss against the last boss, just to show 'em who's boss.

18.) ...monsters didn't give experience?

Then we'd need to level up via actual training.

29.) ...you could go straight to the final battle right at the beginning?

They did that in Golden Sun. The result? "Happy Ending."

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Foolz3h

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#25 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

1. then bosses be random spawns! 8)

2. We'd have the greatest game of all time.

3. Sega would have made an HD console.

4. You'd have the second greatest game fo all time!

5. Cloud Strife would prove his emo colours and slit hsi wrists. Emo colours are bergundy and black, right?

6. You'd be as tough as bosses.

7. You'd haev the third greatest game of all time!!

8. You'd have realism in a fantasy game and the universe would explode.

9. You'd be playing an mmorpg.

10. They would suck at them.

11. You'd be playing as a boss.

12. They'd be warriors.

13. They'd be Mages.

14. You'd be playing pretty much any RPG ever made. PICKPOCKET IS USELESS.

15. They'd be Dragons.

16. You'd have fun instead of wasting 50 minutes walking from one town to the next.

17. They'd give silver.

18. They'd give you lessons.

19. You'd have better game design.

20. You'd be playing WoW.

21. You'd live in a paradox.

22. You'd live in reality.

23. Japan would explode.

24. Everyone would be emo.

25. You'd have around the world in 80 random battles.

26. Squarsoft would never have been in trouble, and Final Fantasy would never have been invented, which means First Reality could never have existed.

27. There's love stories involved in Final Fantasy?

28. You wouldn't have to gather eggs for a lazy farmer who runs a dairy farm.

29. You'd have an RPG with decent pacing.

30. You'd have a JRPG not a WRPG.

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#26 CooperTeam
Member since 2003 • 226 Posts

Hey iloveflash, thanks for bringing this to the attention. Sounds like this would work out great. In fact, just as a thought, make it a weekly contest. For now, I have made a section for this so if you would like to discuss a contest idea, please contact me or if you just prefer to make this a simple "I POST WHILE OTHERS RESPOND" kinda thing, that's cool to. Anyways, lets see how this works out.

I know I sound like I am over doing this, but thanks again iloveflash. :) (At least credit is being given where credit is due. ;) )

Um, it's a big post, but what ever that long post was. :P Foolz3h

Wow, nice, have to admit you got all 30 answers and you gave some really good ones to. Very nice. :) Anyways, if you would like to see more, or if you would like for this to continue, look for a new section in the forums for this. Thanks. :)

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Foolz3h

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#27 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Hey iloveflash, thanks for bringing this to the attention. Sounds like this would work out great. In fact, just as a thought, make it a weekly contest. For now, I have made a section for this so if you would like to discuss a contest idea, please contact me or if you just prefer to make this a simple "I POST WHILE OTHERS RESPOND" kinda thing, that's cool to. Anyways, lets see how this works out.

I know I sound like I am over doing this, but thanks again iloveflash. :) (At least credit is being given where credit is due. ;) )

[QUOTE="Foolz3h"] Um, it's a big post, but what ever that long post was. :P CooperTeam

Wow, nice, have to admit you got all 30 answers and you gave some really good ones to. Very nice. :) Anyways, if you would like to see more, or if you would like for this to continue, look for a new section in the forums for this. Thanks. :)

Where it's due? This is iloveflash we're talking about right?!

Thanks! :D

I like the idea, and though perhaps it could be considered a forum game, it's creative and fun so...

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iloveflash

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#28 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts
I dunno about weekly. :roll: If you overdo it then it will just get old. It might be better to do the what if's on some special occasion... Though for now I can't think of what. I suppose weekly is cool then.
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#29 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

I dunno about weekly. :roll: If you overdo it then it will just get old. It might be better to do the what if's on some special occasion... Though for now I can't think of what. I suppose weekly is cool then.iloveflash

Perhaps once a week, or when people get bored with the current one.

Weekly seems too soon considering there's freaking 30 of them!

Plus it should probably take place in OT.

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#30 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

Lol, I guess Foolz3h wins by default! :P (so that's how he's been racking up those points...)

5 points by default then! For my future challenges, the winner gets more points based on how many people participate.

This week's challenge:

Write a recipe for disaster! :twisted:

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#31 MetalGear_Ninty
Member since 2008 • 6337 Posts
Meh, fortnightly would probably be the best.
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Foolz3h

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#32 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Meh, fortnightly would probably be the best.MetalGear_Ninty

The ironic thing is there was more participation with the 2 or 3 times a week ones...

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#33 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

1. Adolf Hitler

2. Nuclear Bombs

3. Hiroshima

4. Ghandi

5. Napoleon

6. Communism

7. Stalin

8. Donald Trump

9. Chris Crocker

10. Miley Cyrus

11. Britney Spears

12. Soulja Boy

13. John Howard

14. Final Fantasy XII

Boil in a melting pot for half an hour, then garnish generously with Graham Arnold. ;)

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#34 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

^Lol do we just toss everything in at once? :P

This morning I discovered how to end the world.

It first came to me when I was getting ready to go to work. I'd put on an old pair of shoes that I hadn't worn in a while, and discovered that they were two inches too tight. The tightest shoes I've ever worn. Then, as I tried to pull them off, I exerted 33 lbs. of "anger" onto the soles of the shoes, which were 8 inches long, and in an instant my entire room was blown to smithereens.

I realized after I woke that the lateral force of the "anger" destabalized the "stress" on the shoes. I'm no genius, but I think anyone with half a brain could figure out what this meant. For a bit of confirmation, I spat 12 mL. of "rude" on the nurse's foot as they rushed me to the hospital, and, being that her shoes were a perfect 7-or-so inches, the "stress" destabalized instantly, and the ambulance was struck by lightning.

Unfortunately I'd killed myself, but then I realized that it was only another opportunity to test my theory. If exerting small quantities of "anger" and "rude" on the sole of the foot caused destuction, then, naturally, exerting large quantities of such on the top of the head would trigger the exact opposite!

I tapped my head and rubbed my belly, and brought myself back to life. It was then that I began my conquest for world domination.

I emptied my life saving to prepare for the venture. First I need large amounts of "stress" to rival the nuclear bombs, and relative amounts of "anger", "rude", "selfishness", and all other kinds of "negativity". "Anger" was found in a crew of 20 dirty sailors; "rude" and "selfishness" were found in 2 cheerleading squads; "offensive" was found in a single bible.

And so I wrote my recipe for disaster. First, a pot of boiling water, stirred for 3 minutes with a teaspoon of "frustration." Then strain it, let the remaining "sorrow" settle for one minute, then put the pot back on the fire and stirr with another teaspoon of "empathy." In 3 more minutes, put in a cup of brown rice, a human finger, and 2 eggs. Stir with a spatula before mincing.

Sweet peppers would add a hint of flavor at this point, but since that is clearly not what we are going for--since we are not cannibals here--proceed to adding one goat heart, one human heart, the Internet, the bible, your past memories, and as many cigars as possible to complete the nuclear paste. It must be stirred fervently after everything has melted with three spoons--that's right, three spoons at once--of "doubt", "pity", and "fear". After a minute you can let it settle and cool if you plan on tasting it, but otherwise keep stirring for a few more years!

Once you've got something strong enough to fit your fancy, you can take out a few slices of bread and a ziplock bag. The bread is the ultimate way to hide your disaster, I find, because no one ever expects it! The ziplock back is to preserve it. It's also quite stylish, too; imagine when you present it to the UN and name your price, and they all laugh in your face. What dark humor awaits them!

Oh! I almost forgot, garnishing anything with Graham Arnold--or Soulja Boy even--is guaranteed to send your disaster to new heights. Just remember to clean up all the leftover "degradation of society" when you're finished. A tidy kitchen is the secret to success! ;)

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#35 MetalGear_Ninty
Member since 2008 • 6337 Posts
I don't get it, what's the challenge meant to be this week?
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#36 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts
Write a recipe for disaster. Did you check the previous page?
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#37 MetalGear_Ninty
Member since 2008 • 6337 Posts

Write a recipe for disaster. Did you check the previous page?iloveflash

Erm, where does it say that?

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#38 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Lol, I guess Foolz3h wins by default! :P (so that's how he's been racking up those points...)

5 points by default then! For my future challenges, the winner gets more points based on how many people participate.

This week's challenge:

Write a recipe for disaster! :twisted:

iloveflash

[QUOTE="iloveflash"]Write a recipe for disaster. Did you check the previous page?MetalGear_Ninty

Erm, where does it say that?

Not even on the previous page!

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#39 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

Once again, Foolz3h wins, 5 points! What ownage! :o

This weeks challenge:

You just woke up from a dream in which one of your classmates slapped the teacher and then threatened to do very bad things if the teacher told anyone. The next day the same classmate ACTUALLY slaps the teacher and then threatens them. Write about what you did in the dream and what you do in real life. You can also include the result.

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#40 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

A strange thing happened, I had a dream where a cIassmate slapped a teacher and threatened to do very bad things. Then the same day in school what I dreamt about happened! Luckily I woke up before anything else happened, so my next actions are entirely my own, though if they had been predicted in my dream they'd still be my own, but nevertheless it saves me from having to tell you what happened in the dream.

"How dare you Timmy!" the teacher cried and Timmy laughed

"How dare I?" he smiled. "I am the student, you are the teacher, you are my responsibility which means I can do anything I want to you and it'll be your fault!"

"Timmy, you've got it round the wrong way, man." I reasoned with him, as much as I could reason with a madman.

"Oh, I do do I?" he asked sarcastically. "Well I'll just go back to my seat, shall I?"

I was wrong, he wasn't being sarcastic. He went back to his seat happily. Of course the teacher wasn't going to stand for this, discipline is important in any school. Naturally she took Timmy to the front of the cIass and made him pull his pants down, then and she beat him viciously with a metal ruler. Sadly Timmy was a masochist so he enjoyed every minute of it, but luckily the teacher was a sadist, so she too enjoyed it greatly. This lead to a teacher student sexual relationship and the teacher lost her job and was arrested. She was abused in gaol because she was a paedophile, but when she came out a broken woman, Timmy took her in and made a wife out of her. Of course in this house the wife was a woman beater, and Timmy was a woman, but they loved every minute of it and lived happily ever after.

Which is why corporal punishment is wrong.

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#41 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts
O_O
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#42 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Challenge for September 7th:

Simply write a poem about the experience of something you have never done.

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#43 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

The handle is soft
Yet the recoil is hard
My hand is jelly
shaking in awe
Of the kick-back
The bullet and all.
The deafening sound
You won't hear until you're dead
The bullet so sharp
Entering you head.
Together they're a dance
That only one can see
The other is dead
As dead as can be.

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#44 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

Well, 5 more points for foolz. I wonder if slackers even browse the thread!

And curse you for stealing the gun theme!

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#45 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

I took my hand
To take her hand
In mine
And laid her down
Atop the bed
And smiled
"Do you trust me?"
I asked her
"Of course,"
She nodded

I moved my hand
Towards her face
And then
Our lips embraced
To taste
The breath of the other
With rising grace
And arousing, degrading form

I unzipped my pants
She took off her bra
I tossed my socks
She threw hers far
Our bodies locked
Our eyes escaped
And so we eloped
And so we became
Lovers

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#46 gbarules2999
Member since 2006 • 390 Posts

Why do you cry, my darling?

Look, the worst has passed

The pain is gone

Just a memory in the face of

Pure triumph.

Please, I'm here

Calm yourself

The pain, the pain is gone

Think of the future

Think of what we have made

And look, now

I'm crying

Look at what miracle

Has made this reality

Look at how wonderful

This day is

We shall celebrate it

Once a year

Until she doesn't want to

Any more

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#47 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

Oh, we have a visitor! :P

So I don't quite understand what you haven't done before that you did in the poem. Would you mind elaborating?

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#48 gbarules2999
Member since 2006 • 390 Posts

Oh, we have a visitor! :P

So I don't quite understand what you haven't done before that you did in the poem. Would you mind elaborating?

iloveflash
My "wife" had a baby. And now, I figured out how to post without skipping every line. Yay me!
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#49 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts
Ah, that makes sense now. Coolio.
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#50 skelebull3000
Member since 2004 • 2724 Posts

Under lock and chain,
vaulted for years to come,
lies a seed that had been planted years ago.

It's roots still trapped,
it's luscious green leaves
never to see the light of day, left to wither

Behind the cold steel walls
of forgotten memories. Suppressed
for eons to come feeding my disdain

towards those that planted it,
with their guns they had dug the hole,
and with their eyes they had secured its subsistence.

I fear to free it.