So I was on the Twilight Princess board a while ago, and in a topic about (I think) the timeline, there was a discussion about Wind Waker's flood. Then I decided to type up this little story:
So in the beginning, we get that story about how Ganondorf basically killed Hyrule and how it disappeared. Then we get the story about Outset Island's "Send our children out with pointy objects to get killed" population control tradition. But what happened in between the two? How did the land disappear? Eventually we find out it was sunk, but what's the story behind that? How did the people survive? Well one guy said the goddesses selected a chosen few to live on, to which I say "Bull crap." This is how it really happened:
In the beginning there was nothing. The world did not exist, and all was an empty void. Then came three goddesses: Din, goddess of Power. Farore, goddess of Courage, and Nayru, goddess of wisdom. On the first day Din, created the earth. On the second day, Nayru gave the land law and order. On the third day, Farore created all the life forms that wander the earth. On the fourth day, the three goddesses held a bachlorette party with all the other goddesses on the new land. This extended into the fifth day, whereupon the group wandered into the bar of the bachelor gods, were the party was extended to a sixth day of drinking and orgies. The final and seventh day was the day the gods returned to the heavens. As Din, Nayru, and Farore were the drunkest, they were the last to sleep off their hangovers and leave. When they left, they spot where the exited the land was where the Triforce was formed, and was made sacred. Many years passed, and a man named Ganondorf attempted to take over Hyrule. He was defeated by an unfortunate result of a hazy night between an elf and human woman. Ganon attempted his takeover again. And again. And again, being defeated each time by the freaky little kid. At last, Ganon found the Triforce, and, for some reason, did not use its powers to get laid by the Princess Zelda. Instead, he used it to watch Hyrule burn. The green little ass was nowhere to be seen and Hyrule was doomed. But before all was lost, the three goddesses appeared to a man named Hoan. They said to him: "Hoan, Hyrule is being FedEx'd to hell in a handcart by Ganondorf. So were sinking this place under water with a ****load of rain.Therefore we need you to build a boat. A big boat. Like really, really big. Big enough to hold two of every animal in the land. This is how you are to make it: the length of the boat three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits." And Hoan replied "But the only animals in Hyrule are horses, dogs, coo-coos, and moo-moos. Surely I don't need such a large boat for just those?" Slapping him, Din said "Listen a-hole, We don't want this to be the legend of the guy who built a yacht and put some pigs on it. We want this to be the legend of the guy who built a huge mother****ing boat and put some pigs on it. Now are you going to build a boat, or are you going to build a ****ing boat?" And so the man built a ****ing boat. It was exactly to the specifications of the goddesses and somehow finished without Ganondorf noticing, and when the rain came and it came time for the animals to board, the animals were loaded two by two. Then came the enemies of the land, who requested that they be allowed on as well. Hoan turned and said no. Dark Link stepped forward and asked why. "Why?" Hoan replied, "Because screw you, that's why." And slamming the boat door in their faces, he sailed off. Forty days and forty nights of rain and eating horses and moo-moos into extinction later, They touched down on the peak Windfall Mountain. Stepping out onto the ground, he said "Thanks be to the goddesses, who by their-ack!" He was then accosted by a group of men on the island, who stabbed him forty times in forty places. "That's for taking all the wood we could have built boats or shelters out of. We had to climb up this mountain because of you." The boat was then disassembled and used to build Windfall Town.
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