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cliche advie, but just be yourself.
i know it's hard to open up like that at first, but so long as you make small talk and are (or come off as) genuinely interested in what the person you're talking to has to say, you will eventually get comfortable enough to show your truuuuuuuuuuuuuue colours shining throughhhhhhhhhhhh...
seriously though, just ask about their interests, how their day went, bring up current events, etc.--and go from there. it's easy when your break it down into steps.
Shut off your head, dont think with your brain,and go with your gut or balls instead .
No joke.
You are actually more in control if you think and put your energy into your 'gut', which is what ppl call the 'gut feeling'.
So,Â
Go with your Gut!
just dont end up staring at her boobs or anything. Â
Just remember than no one gives a single fcvk about you.
and be yourself, because most people are not going to like you anyways.
So long as you don't step on anyone's personal boundaries and you realize that, no matter who you are, there will always be people who don't like you for some reason, then you should be fine. The latter is much more difficult than the former, however.
By "personal boundaries," I'm specifically referring to what constitutes the comfort zone of every individual. When you are first meeting someone, don't ask possibly invasive questions (e.g. a question like "Have you ever had sex before?") or come off as possibly judgmental (e.g. "If I were you, I would try to lose that extra weight you have by heading to the gym"). Socially inept people generally invade others' comfort zones unknowingly, so it's important to keep in mind. What doesn't constitute invasive behavior is saying things like "Hey, what's up?" or "I really like your [insert clothing item]!" so long as you don't surprise them or something. Also not invasive is getting to know them by asking them about their favorite hobbies, movies, books, etc. or inviting them in a friendly way to do something with you.Â
And then you have people who just don't like you. The fact is, there will always, always be someone who doesn't like you. You could be the nicest guy ever - you could respect people, be a sensitive listener, and act courteous in general. But some people will look past all of that and find a reason to dislike you anyway. Maybe it's your shoes. Or maybe you're just the kind of person some people happen to dislike. In any case, you need to learn to deal with people not liking you, people rejecting you (in the context of dating and relationships especially), and people having an entirely neutral attitude towards you. Only when you learn to deal with such people will the bulk of the burden of social anxiety get off your shoulders.
Another way to lessen your social anxiety is to become more empathetic. Empathy helps you discern how other people are feeling and hence how to act appropriately around people. And one easy way to strengthen your empathy is to listen more. You should try to listen at least as often as you speak. In fact, it's better to try to listen more than speak, although that's not always possible. Personally, by learning to listen to people more, I've strengthened my empathy greatly, and my empathy now makes it much easier to deal with people.
Those are just a few tips that come to mind, coming from someone who used to have abysmal social anxiety.
You really think the children here will give you a mature reply? Look at the first reply you got. Never ask these people anything, want help? Go ask your family.Anyone else experience this?
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I mean, I have friends. A good bit of them, we laugh and joke a lot. But when it comes to starting conversations with new people (specifically women and girls) I just have a hard time. That's really bothering me, as there is the one girl that I see on campus a lot that I think I might like. Other than one conversation, the only thing I've been able to say is "Hey" when I pass by.
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Share your stories/offer advice.
Primordialous
[QUOTE="Primordialous"]You really think the children here will give you a mature reply? Look at the first reply you got. Never ask these people anything, want help? Go ask your family. Well I think a few people in this thread have given quite good advice. Some things people have said I'm taking into consideration as well.Anyone else experience this?
Â
I mean, I have friends. A good bit of them, we laugh and joke a lot. But when it comes to starting conversations with new people (specifically women and girls) I just have a hard time. That's really bothering me, as there is the one girl that I see on campus a lot that I think I might like. Other than one conversation, the only thing I've been able to say is "Hey" when I pass by.
Â
Share your stories/offer advice.
TheWalkingGhost
I can be a little shy but if I get good vibes off someone I'll be at complete ease, whether I've known them 5 minutes or 5 years.
I have 3 friends, one of which I see maybe once a month, the others I very rarely see. This is due to my awkwardness. Even today a girl told me she liked me and one of the reasons I turned her down was due to my inability to feel comfortable outside in a social environment. Do yourself a favor and work on being more social, because you don't want to end up like me
So long as you don't step on anyone's personal boundaries and you realize that, no matter who you are, there will always be people who don't like you for some reason, then you should be fine. The latter is much more difficult than the former, however.
By "personal boundaries," I'm specifically referring to what constitutes the comfort zone of every individual. When you are first meeting someone, don't ask possibly invasive questions (e.g. a question like "Have you ever had sex before?") or come off as possibly judgmental (e.g. "If I were you, I would try to lose that extra weight you have by heading to the gym"). Socially inept people generally invade others' comfort zones unknowingly, so it's important to keep in mind. What doesn't constitute invasive behavior is saying things like "Hey, what's up?" or "I really like your [insert clothing item]!" so long as you don't surprise them or something. Also not invasive is getting to know them by asking them about their favorite hobbies, movies, books, etc. or inviting them in a friendly way to do something with you.
And then you have people who just don't like you. The fact is, there will always, always be someone who doesn't like you. You could be the nicest guy ever - you could respect people, be a sensitive listener, and act courteous in general. But some people will look past all of that and find a reason to dislike you anyway. Maybe it's your shoes. Or maybe you're just the kind of person some people happen to dislike. In any case, you need to learn to deal with people not liking you, people rejecting you (in the context of dating and relationships especially), and people having an entirely neutral attitude towards you. Only when you learn to deal with such people will the bulk of the burden of social anxiety get off your shoulders.
Another way to lessen your social anxiety is to become more empathetic. Empathy helps you discern how other people are feeling and hence how to act appropriately around people. And one easy way to strengthen your empathy is to listen more. You should try to listen at least as often as you speak. In fact, it's better to try to listen more than speak, although that's not always possible. Personally, by learning to listen to people more, I've strengthened my empathy greatly, and my empathy now makes it much easier to deal with people.
Those are just a few tips that come to mind, coming from someone who used to have abysmal social anxiety.
ghoklebutter
Bravo! I like this answer I must say.
1) I don't have any friends. I don't think I've had any friends since 1998. I'm also absolutely fine with that, since most "friends" end up just being acquaintances anyway. 2) As far as starting conversations goes, WHY are you trying to start a conversation? Is it because you have something to say, or because you just feel like you ought to say something? There's a big difference between the two, realize which one applies to you. 3) Social skills and confidence about social skills are exactly the same as everything else. You probably can't remember this far back, but you didn't pop out of the womb with the ability to walk and run. You had to try A LOT, you had to fail A LOT, then eventually you got good at it. Same thing here. I'm not gonna tell you that you should talk to people and approach people and initiate discussion with them. If you don't want to, then you don't want to. Fine, end of story. You don't think it's worth doing so you don't do it. But if you DO think it's something worth doing, then there's no substitute for just plain doing it and making an ass out of yourself in the process. Just f***ing talk to her. Then, after you've made an ass of yourself, determine what you did wrong and then either approach her again or use the knowledge gained from that experience to help you out with discussions involving different people. But practice is a necessity if you ever want to get good at it. You're afraid of failing, afraid of looking like a dumbass, but you WILL fail and you WILL look like a dumbass. Before anyone succeeds, they fail MANY times.Anyone else experience this?
Â
I mean, I have friends. A good bit of them, we laugh and joke a lot. But when it comes to starting conversations with new people (specifically women and girls) I just have a hard time. That's really bothering me, as there is the one girl that I see on campus a lot that I think I might like. Other than one conversation, the only thing I've been able to say is "Hey" when I pass by.
Â
Share your stories/offer advice.
Primordialous
The problem with this thinking is that it takes self confidence to believe the above. I know others couldn't care less (aside from passing mockery and contempt), but I care due to insecurity. From that stems social anxiety. If I had confidence and liked myself, it wouldn't be an issue. Insecurity validates every other opinion except mine.Just remember than no one gives a single fcvk about you.
and be yourself, because most people are not going to like you anyways.
TehFuneral
Practice, alcohol, bud, and something to make you feel more confident overall - e.g. weight training, martial arts.CptJSparrow
Bud is usually better with people you know imo
Practice, alcohol, bud, and something to make you feel more confident overall CptJSparrowi agree with this also. im kinda a shy guy myself but whenever i drink or smoke bud i feel more confident to approach people..i call it the dr jekyll and mr hyde syndrome
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