I'm in my very early twenties and my father is still overprotective

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Micha_93

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#1 Micha_93
Member since 2015 • 172 Posts

My dad has to meet every guy I bring home. He usually asks them a lot of questions, making them very nervous.

It's not like I have given my dad any reason to act like that. I go to college in another city, I have a job, etc. It's not like I depend on him 24/7 or anything.

I don't know. This just got me thinking is all. What are your thoughts?

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Renevent42

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#2  Edited By Renevent42
Member since 2010 • 6654 Posts

You're 22, grow up already. If your dad is making you or your partners uncomfortable ask him to knock it off. If it's not worth bringing up to him, just deal with it. Also, why shouldn't your Dad ask questions? How else is going to find out about the person you are bringing home?

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GreySeal9

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#3  Edited By GreySeal9
Member since 2010 • 28247 Posts

@Renevent42 said:

You're 22, grow up already. If your dad is making you or your partners uncomfortable ask him to knock it off. If it's not worth bringing up to him, just deal with it.

Seems like a harsh reaction to the OP.

Anyway, I don't think over-protectiveness is the worst thing in the world if it's not extreme. How extreme is it, TC?

Also, early twenties is still pretty young TBH.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#4 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Sounds pretty normal to me, especially if you are a female. Guys are gonna be EXTRA protective of their daughters, mainly because they know how bad guys can be...

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sayyy-gaa

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#5 sayyy-gaa
Member since 2002 • 5850 Posts

You can ask your dad to be a little easier on you. But as I said in another thread:

If you live in his house you have to abide by his rules.

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Renevent42

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#6  Edited By Renevent42
Member since 2010 • 6654 Posts

@GreySeal9 said:
@Renevent42 said:

You're 22, grow up already. If your dad is making you or your partners uncomfortable ask him to knock it off. If it's not worth bringing up to him, just deal with it.

Seems like a harsh reaction to the OP.

Anyway, I don't think over-protectiveness is the worst thing in the world if it's not extreme. How extreme is it, TC?

Also, early twenties is still pretty young TBH.

Harsh, maybe, but I don't think 22 is all that young, certainly old enough to be able to deal with a situation like that. I dunno, think I'm in the wrong thread lol.

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deactivated-58ce94803a170

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#7  Edited By deactivated-58ce94803a170
Member since 2015 • 8822 Posts

Best thing would be to talk to your mom and dad about it. They dont want to let you go to just anyone. Seems your dad is just using the questions to get a quick feel about the guy your seeing. Warn your dad that this is like judging a book by the cover type approach. Ask your dad to go to the store with your boyfriend or some activity to get to know your boyfriend slowly maybe? Not sure exactly. But dont give up the fight.

Also could maybe use your dad to ask some questions you might want to know but are afraid to ask? Or could tell dad he is messing up your game a little and might be helpful if he would chill out some.

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Micha_93

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#8  Edited By Micha_93
Member since 2015 • 172 Posts

I should probably clarify a few things:

- I'm a guy, not a girl

- My dad and I are super close

- I'm the only child

- He told me before that he does this because he loves me and doesn't want me to end up with an idiot of a boyfriend

That being said, maybe I'm making this more of an issue than it really is. Surely there are worse things than having a father who is overprotective.

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deactivated-58ce94803a170

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#9  Edited By deactivated-58ce94803a170
Member since 2015 • 8822 Posts

@micha_93: Just tell your dad that you might would like to date a project type boyfriend and they dont have to be perfect but maybe have a high potential. Its hard to give advice since we dont really know you or your dad. But it happens, sometime parents have a good gauge on people, but we forget that people do indeed change.

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Allicrombie

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#10 Allicrombie
Member since 2005 • 26223 Posts

@micha_93 said:

- My dad and I are super close

- I'm the only child

There it is. That being said, it's not just you, it's fairly common for parents to want only the best for their children, even in relationships. Have you considered looking at it from your dad's perspective? For example, imagine you had a son about your age, and he was bringing home guys you knew nothing about, I'm willing to bet you might be a little concerned, at least, and you'd probably want a little more info. I know I would.

P.S I don't want you ending up with an idiot of a boyfriend either. =P

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Micha_93

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#11  Edited By Micha_93
Member since 2015 • 172 Posts

^ Thank you for listening, guys. It's very cathartic for me to talk about this.

Today's just been kind of a weird day. I've been thinking of a lot of things is all =P

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Big_Red_Button

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#13 Big_Red_Button
Member since 2005 • 6094 Posts

@Renevent42 said:

You're 22, grow up already. If your dad is making you or your partners uncomfortable ask him to knock it off. If it's not worth bringing up to him, just deal with it. Also, why shouldn't your Dad ask questions? How else is going to find out about the person you are bringing home?

This 100%.

You're an adult now and you need to make your own decisions. If you have a serious problem with how he's acting, you can put a stop to it yourself and deal with any consequences you incur.

If you don't bother doing anything about it clearly you don't have a very big problem with it.

Young people today need to realize that life is not easy and that actions will have consequences. You are not going to be comfortable and happy 100% of the time, but if you truly want anything it's worth the strife.

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LJS9502_basic

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#14 LJS9502_basic
Member since 2003 • 179041 Posts

Honestly if it bothers you then it's time to move out and get your own place. Parents will always be parents....well the good ones anyway.

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foxhound_fox

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#15 foxhound_fox
Member since 2005 • 98532 Posts

Move out.

You're an adult.

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Allicrombie

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#16 Allicrombie
Member since 2005 • 26223 Posts

OT = free therapy.

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#17  Edited By GreySeal9
Member since 2010 • 28247 Posts

@foxhound_fox said:

Move out.

You're an adult.

I could be reading the TC wrong, but she says she lives in another city. She might have her own place and might be using the word home simply to describe her family home.

That being said, I don't think it's wrong for the dad to ask questions and the TC has admitted as much.

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SexyJazzCat

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#18 SexyJazzCat
Member since 2013 • 2796 Posts

I find it more strange that a father is overly protective of his adult son. I can understand daughter, but son?

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Allicrombie

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#19 Allicrombie
Member since 2005 • 26223 Posts

@SexyJazzCat said:

I find it more strange that a father is overly protective of his adult son. I can understand daughter, but son?

While our societal norms do seem to dictate that independence is a valued trait in most men growing up, it's still not unheard of.

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Treflis

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#20  Edited By Treflis
Member since 2004 • 13757 Posts

Overprotective is if he sits in the car outside the resturant if you're on a date. Or text you every hour asking how things are going.

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GamerForca

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#21 GamerForca
Member since 2005 • 7203 Posts

I've seen much worse. I knew a girl in high school whose parents would show up unannounced (and proceed to stay with their daughter until she left) any time she went camping with friends, or even went over to a friend's house at night. Guys were seriously too scared of her dad to even ask her out despite her 10/10 looks.

Anyway, you're over 20 years old and have a job. Find roommates and move out if it bothers you that much. If you're living for free under your dad's roof, then you don't have much room to complain.

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k--m--k

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#22 k--m--k
Member since 2007 • 2799 Posts

Doesn't matter if you are 10 or 40. Your dad will remain to be like that and it is good.

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jun_aka_pekto

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#23 jun_aka_pekto
Member since 2010 • 25255 Posts

Move out and get your own apartment.

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#24  Edited By chaoscougar1
Member since 2005 • 37603 Posts

It never stops

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#25 mrbojangles25
Member since 2005 • 58935 Posts

@micha_93: what kind of questions? Is he just chatting them up?

Or is he interrogating them?

It's only natural to be curious about your offspring's partner, but if he is being legitimately overprotective, then that is an issue.

It's OK to ask them about: their job, education, family life (siblings, mom and dad, etc), etc

It's not OK to ask them about: their sexual history, if they plan on marrying you, and stuff like that.

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JimB

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#26 JimB
Member since 2002 • 3904 Posts

@micha_93 said:

My dad has to meet every guy I bring home. He usually asks them a lot of questions, making them very nervous.

It's not like I have given my dad any reason to act like that. I go to college in another city, I have a job, etc. It's not like I depend on him 24/7 or anything.

I don't know. This just got me thinking is all. What are your thoughts?

Do you still live at home? If you do you live by his rules.

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deactivated-5b797108c254e

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#27 deactivated-5b797108c254e
Member since 2013 • 11245 Posts

@Allicrombie: The hell? You're making serious, helpful posts? When did this start happening? =P

@micha_93: I can understand how annoying it is, but trust me...it could be a lot worse...talk to your father about it, explain how it makes you feel and let him do the same; if you're that close it should be possible to find some middle ground. And even if it's frustrating, take a deep breath and remember to be thankful for having a parent who truly loves you and wants the best of you; a lot of us don't have that ^_^

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Allicrombie

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#29 Allicrombie
Member since 2005 • 26223 Posts

@korvus: I think I had low blood sugar that day.

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#30  Edited By PimpHand_Gamer
Member since 2014 • 3048 Posts

With my step kids, I'm not over protective as it might appear....I'm just an a**hole.

@LostProphetFLCL said:

Sounds pretty normal to me, especially if you are a female. Guys are gonna be EXTRA protective of their daughters, mainly because they know how bad guys can be...

Both can be equally as bad and quite aggressive in regards to sex. My friend has a 14 yr old daughter with quite a few notches under her belt and now a kid too.

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#31 battlefront23
Member since 2006 • 12625 Posts

@micha_93: Talk to him about it and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable, while simultaneously thanking him for showing that he cares about you. Win and win.

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#32  Edited By sayyy-gaa
Member since 2002 • 5850 Posts

@LJS9502_basic said:

Honestly if it bothers you then it's time to move out and get your own place. Parents will always be parents....well the good ones anyway.

*mic drop*

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#33 ShadowsDemon
Member since 2012 • 10059 Posts

@LostProphetFLCL said:

Sounds pretty normal to me, especially if you are a female. Guys are gonna be EXTRA protective of their daughters, mainly because they know how bad guys can be...

This.

I'm a guy, and my folks are somewhat protective, but I can imagine how much more they'd be if I was a girl, considering what other guys can be like...

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#34  Edited By servomaster
Member since 2015 • 870 Posts

My Mom is the same way, I just sorta accept that she's over protective and ignore it.

Perfect example, she texted me today and said "how are you doing?" I replied, "fine, I'm in Tennessee working on robots" Her response was "you should really let me know when you go out of state."

I'm 28

lulz.

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#35  Edited By jun_aka_pekto
Member since 2010 • 25255 Posts

With regard to my daughters..... One for each ex-boyfriend ;-)

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#36 DJ_Headshot
Member since 2010 • 6427 Posts

Its kinda of a dad thing most dads want the best for the little princess which you will always be in his eyes just like guys will always be there little baby even when your a fa grown man and a foot taller then them. But yeah you should confront your dad and have a heart to heart chat with him tell him you don't like how he intrudes in your personal live by interrogating any new boyfriends your all grown up and you are your own women/man now and you demand a certain level of respect and not to be treated like you can't make important decision for your selves at this time!

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#37 MuD3
Member since 2011 • 2192 Posts

Parents tend to care about their children, that doesn't necessarily go away just because you're an adult now. Being an only child doesn't help of course. If you need boundaries it's important for you to set them and if your father doesn't respect them you will just have to ignore him on the subject... there isn't really another way around this honestly.

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#38 deactivated-5cd08b1605da1
Member since 2012 • 9317 Posts

Honey, its your daddy here. How many times have I told you to not dwelve on internet forums? You know they are all full of pervs and losers! Go help your mother!

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#39  Edited By l34052
Member since 2005 • 3906 Posts

@micha_93 said:

My dad has to meet every guy I bring home. He usually asks them a lot of questions, making them very nervous.

It's not like I have given my dad any reason to act like that. I go to college in another city, I have a job, etc. It's not like I depend on him 24/7 or anything.

I don't know. This just got me thinking is all. What are your thoughts?

It seems overbearing but when you're a parent it will all suddenly make sense to you, you're kids are the single most important thing to you and you will do everything you can to try and make sure they're safe, happy and protected.

Im in my 40s and my mom still says im her baby even though im 6'1 and do strongman training and am over 300lbs but its a parent thing, your dad loves you.

Im guilty of the same thing with my 2, they constantly remind me 'dad im grown now!!' but i cant help it.

It would be far worse if your dad didnt care.

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#41 Gaming-Planet
Member since 2008 • 21064 Posts

Does your dad ask for the size of his shoe?

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#42 Skarwolf
Member since 2006 • 2718 Posts

@micha_93: I'd say my fathers opinion matters alot more then random fucking strangers on a video game forum. But hey... you need attention so go at it kid.

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#43 Seanh
Member since 2015 • 203 Posts

@magicalclick said:

@micha_93: Hi five as fellow gay guy. I can only say that. It is probably best he push those guys away. Because gay world is filled with players and drifters. On top of that, a lot of them don't want to stick around when things gets tough (str8 included). Your dad basically helped you to scare those uncommitted guys away. Because if they really want to stick around, that little scare is nothing compare to what you two my have to solve in the future. When something bad hits, you want that guy who really stick around, and that is hard to find.

Well said.

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#44  Edited By Catalli  Moderator
Member since 2014 • 3453 Posts

Hmmm... 21 days of inactivity... yeah I'll call this a necro.

Locked.