Gay jokes and your reaction to them

So back when I was in high school (2001-2005) it was not at all uncommon for the word gay to be used as an insult or the butt of a joke. Since then I have grown up a lot (who hasn't?) and I neither use the term as an insult or a joke and I don't look back fondly upon my use of the word. Now probably a lot of this maturation was a result of the cultural change in the way Americans view gay people as well as my own discussions with people about what being gay meant and how we should treat them (hint, like human beings). However with that being said I have reconnected with a person I knew back in high school who hasn't really changed much in this area I don't know if he uses the term as a direct insult, but he definitely uses it as a joke which in itself is insulting for obvious reasons.

So this story leads me to two questions first off, for those of you in high school (or younger I suppose) is it still normal to hear the word gay being used an insult or has this changed? Second for those out of high school and college like myself do you know anyone who still uses the term gay to insult others or make jokes and how do you choose to deal with it?

I mean most people I knew used gay as an insult in middle school/high school but it had zero sexual connotation, as in most of us didn't really know what gay people were. Was basically equivalent to calling someone (or something, "that's so gay") retarded/stupid etc. Never really stopped me using it once I found out what gay people were because like I said it had zero sexual connotation, it was just a stupid insult. Stopped using it more when I grew out of it.

I was gonna make a gay joke, butt **** it.

Same story with me, it's just that I now understand why it would be insulting to gay people and that's why makes me uneasy in much the same way a racial joke would make me uneasy. Not to say there aren't certain settings where either could be funny, however it needs to be in the right context.

I suppose giving an example of the kind of joke I'm talking about would be best. It's not a particularly extreme example, however there was one joke about how you might know your son is gay early on if he happens to like Ford Trucks. The whole punchline of the joke is that your kid is gay so lets laugh at him/you for it.

It really bothered me to see the idea that we should laugh at a person who's is gay simply for that fact alone.

I'm in this camp.

I don't use the term. I don't think I know anyone who uses the term (at least on a regular basis), although I do hear it from others on occasion. As for my reaction, I couldn't care less if it's used or not. In a world where people believe, say, and do truly horrendous things I just can't be bothered to care if someone uses words like "gay" or "retarded" out of context.

Calling people gay was never a part of the culture I grew up in..."Are you chicken?", "You play like a girl!" and that sort of pointless non-insulting insults as a kid but not gay, unless they were actually asking someone if they were homosexual, but rarely did they mean it as an insult, mostly a query.

I'm an American and the High School I grew up with, very few Teens use the word gay if they saw 2 guys talking together, laughing, and hanging out all the time, some jerk would say there gay out loud like fools. Some high Schools use it, some don't, it's just part of being a smart-ass Teen. Gay is not a word I like to use back then and no one would say it to me cause I was talking to a lot of girls back then. Sissy is the kind of word that was use more so then gay.

I don't call people gay, I rarely did back in high school, but anytime I learn of something that doesn't please me, I call it gay. Like, say were a tax to be passed that taxes drivers by the amount of miles they drive per year, that would gay. Really, really gay.

Of course, these types of phrases come and go with time. I remember one of my high school teachers remarking about how back in his day things that sucked were called being Jewish.

I imagine that in 10-20 years time the new phrase will be Extraterrestrial. Can't wait for the aliens to be on the receiving end of probe jokes. I can see it now...

Guy: "Hey what you got there?"

Alien: "It's a lolipop."

Guy: "Oh, I thought it was an anal probe."

Alien: "Never heard that one before..."

I'm curious as to how close in age you are to me in that case. I be 28.

He grew up in a different country. It was literally a different culture.

It was France wasn't it? He grew up in France with the "big breadsticks" I bet.

Ah! Didn't know that.

Didn't he grew up in Netherlands?

@Serraph105: 30 =)

I had a friend who would constantly call things he didn't like gay. Anything. It annoyed me and after a while I told him to stop, which he did. Guess he just hadn't thought about the actual meaning of using that word as an insult.

As for gay jokes... depends. For the most part dark or politically incorrect humor is fine for me. It's when something like racism or homophobia seems more of a trait of the person I'm talking to that I get bothered by it and them.

Wow, GS is acting up, only now showed me all of these.

I was born and grew up in Portugal, moved to the Netherlands at 28.

In Spanish the words would be "pato" (literally "duck" in Spanish) or maricón which make the word the gay seem sweet by comparison. Like I have said, I'm not fond of that kind of vocabulary and I don't use it (in English or Spanish).

I will admit, I laughed. So silly.

@Master_Live: Maricón would be closer to fa**** than gay though =)

mhm

@Master_Live: Same with Portuguese..."maricas" ou "mariconço"....most commonly used with the meaning "scared" or "coward" though, and nothing to do with sexuality.

When I was in middle school (about a decade ago) the term gaylord was the ultimate insult. I haven't heard that term in a long time, and I'm glad because that was such a silly insult.

pretty much same here.. had nothing to do with sexuality, it's just a word. though i'll still use it from time to time.

lol. Yeah, gaylord was as gay as could possibly get. That didn't last beyond 6th grade tho.

What I found odd is yeah, I recall in high school, or hell even college at a similar time, that "gay" was being used as a general pejorative, however soon after people started standing up against it, notable gaming personalities got sick of hearing it on XBL and such and we did hear largely an abandonment of that kind of foul language.... however, very interesting, while it seemed I noticed less and less people saying gay slurs, I started hearing the n-word a lot more, and not the -gga n-word but the -gger n-word, so like instead of going into a game of Halo and hearing someone say "such-n-such f*g because he camps that one spot and just snipes that's so gay", no instead they're all like "you guys all suck you're a bunch of n*ggers and illegal wetbacks"... then like party chat happened and I really didn't hear anymore anything I didn't want to.

See, here's my thing about gay jokes: it's really hard to make a gay joke that's actually FUNNY. It seems that the vast majority of the time the entire joke amounts to nothing more than "haha, you're gay."

And that doesn't really fly in freaking 2015. It's like, I'm not gay, but so what if I was gay? What the hell do you care? Is there actually something to this joke beyond seeing a person who you think is gay and then saying that he's gay? Shit, why would I even be offended if someone thought I was gay? I work with a few gay people, and some of them are a lot fucking cooler and more responsible than I'll ever be.

It's not even a matter of the jokes being insulting or offensive. My problem with gay jokes is increasingly that they're fucking LAZY. Okay, I can kind of understand the appeal if you're still in elementary school. But every once in a while, I hear someone making a gay joke AT WORK, and the butt of the joke actually gets defensive. And like, WHY? Once you're old enough to have a job, and ESPECIALLY if you ACTUALLY have a job where some of the people higher on the chain of command are gay, then you don't get to be that lazy.

I work in a heavy equipment mechanic shop. None of us will really ever grow up, but the worst offender is this first people guy who loves making gay and masturbation jokes at others expense.

The thing with me is that I'm an adult and I don't have any friends. So basically the ONLY time I'm ever gonna hear someone telling a gay joke is at work. And it's like being gay isn't REALLY a stigma because there are actual gay people who work at my job. And this is a legitimate business that takes workplace discrimination pretty seriously. That means that people can kind of get away with telling gay jokes, but there's kind of an unspoken rule that you don't say that shit around anyone who is actually gay. People at my job have actually gotten fired for saying those comments around gay employees. Which means, the mere fact that someone is calling me gay also means that he knows I'm probably NOT gay.

The OPENLY 100% actually gay people don't even get on the receiving end of gay jokes. For two reasons: firstly, because while you might be able to get away with insulting a straight guy for being gay, you don't fucking do that shit when you KNOW that the guy is gay. That threatens your JOB (at least where I work). And secondly, if a person is comfortable enough with his/her homosexuality to be OPENLY gay, then calling him/her gay doesn't work as an insult. It's like, "haha, you're gay!" Then the other person replies, "how perceptive of you. What tipped you off? Was it the fact that I'm openly gay and have made no attempt to hide the fact that I'm gay?" If someone cares that freaking much about people thinking that they're gay, then they're PROBABLY not gonna be so open about the fact that they are indeed gay. Simply pointing out the obvious doesn't even work as a joke. It's like walking up to a fat man and saying "you're fat" and expecting that to ruin his spirit. Thatnks for the info, but I'm pretty sure that he already KNOWS that he's fat. I think that an actual joke requires a bit more than pointing out people's obvious features that they don't even make the slightest attempt to hide.

I laugh. Just like I laugh at any other joke aimed at anyone else.

Jokes are jokes. Stop being SJW's.

Do you laugh because they're legitimately funny, or do you laugh because they're technically jokes?

because here's the thing...jokes are jokes and movies are movies and songs are songs. But the mere fact that someone makes a song doesn't mean that it is any fucking good. If you laugh at ALL jokes just because they're jokes, then you're lumping the good jokes and the bad jokes into the same category. Good jokes require a different response than bad jokes, otherwise there's zero recognition of a joke actually being good.

And...you complain about "sjw's", but do you not see how laughing at jokes simply because "jokes are jokes" is entirely on par with peoples' complaints about the "sjw's"? Whether it's true or not, one of the common complaints I hear whenever an "sjw" criticizes something is, "she/he took it out of context or criticized it by checklist." And tell me, how is laughing at a joke because it is a joke any better than criticizing a game for having female characters in powerless or subservient positions (regardless of context)? That's still just responding by checklist. See a woman in a revealing sexually objectifying outfit? Check that box and complain. See a joke? Check that box and laugh.

I use the term hetero or straight for anything that's conformist, utterly boring, bland or completely unexciting.

Though I can't really give some accurate US examples of this because I live in the Netherlands... Maybe you all can help me out here?

The Dutch will know what I mean by these:

Jezus man, die nieuwe Ecco schoenen van je zijn behoorlijk hetero.

Dus jij kijkt naar Ik hou van Holland? Wat ben je toch weer ontzettend hetero...

Die treurige Vinex woning van jou is zo fucking hetero.

Ga je echt naar het concert van Guus Meeuwis? Lol dat is zoo hetero!

Uhh...it's just a joke.

Umm... being PC is dumb.

Only people with hemorrhoids get butthurt over gay jokes. Must be all that anal thrusting they have been enduring. I'm all for LGBT, I'm bi myself but if it makes you mad then we can't be friends. You're just too sensitive on the ass, that's all.

Nothing phases me these days and I take everything with a grain of salt. Being too salty is unattractive.

I view certain uses of the word (and others) like I view racism.

It should only be offensive if a person really believes what they're saying and intends to use it as a means of putting others down.

I'm a very difficult individual to offend and do believe that people generally need to lighten the **** up on a lot of things... so I have no issues with it being used in a joking manner.

Pretty much this.

Those that still use gay jokes to insult people(gay or not) are either narrow-minded or douchebags. When used simply as a joke and with no intention to offend whatsoever I don't have a problem with it.

@Master_Live: it's not "pAto" but "pUto", there are also other words to describe: "maricon", "joto", " mariposon", "volteado"

Now, on the subject of jokes, I will laugh if they are funny, I have several gay friends that I appreciate very much and many "gay jokes" were told to me by them, the same way I have a couple of black friends telling me jokes about blacks or "jewish" or jokes about jews jokes told to me by my jewish friends and schoolmates ( 40% of my schoolmates until highschool were jewish ). Nowdays people get offended too easily too quickly.

I still hear it, albeit vaguely. Even ***/****** can still be used without relating it to anyone's orientation.

At the end, I don't care enough to react.

When I was in middle school and high school, saying 'that's so gay' was common place. Like others mentioned the intent was never to insult people who were part of the LGBT community, but it was used as a substitute word for calling things stupid. Growing up, the pejorative '******' was used a lot as well. That word is far less acceptable now than it was a almost ~5 years ago, but I still cringe when I hear it used in pop culture/movies (like The Hangover). Both cases are clearly homophobic and I am definitely disappointed in myself for acting in such a way. That said, back then around 2004-2008 everyone was saying it so you end up thinking it's acceptable. You don't really consider the weight those words have at that age. Further to that, I used to say the word 'retard' a lot back then, but obviously I refrain from that now as well.

I think the sadder part is that since I'm working full time now, a lot of people in the office who I went to University with still think it's acceptable to use racial slurs and homophobic language. I've only ever confronted them about it once, to which they reply "they're just words, don't give power to the words". This is in no means any justification for them to continue using said slurs. They neither belong to the groups they're demeaning with those words, nor do they understand the weight of words like '******' carry. A lot of younger people kill themselves over being called that continually, being mocked because of what gender they're attracted to and being harassed day in and day out at school.

The same people fall under the camp of 'people have to be too politically correct these days' which is also kind of a stupid thing to say, in my opinion. There's definitely a lot of people who make an issue out of a non-issue, but one needs to understand that saying words like '******' or using racial slurs has nothing to do with politically correctness, those words by definition are used to demean a certain group of individuals. They're wrong and extremely offensive and there's no exception.

It's harder when you're in a workplace where you see these people everyday. So despite the fact that I confronted them once about it, I tend to not say anything anymore because honestly, it's not worth my time. It's crass and I can't stand it, but if that's the image you want to portray of yourself to people, by all means go ahead. It does bother me as well, because my brother is gay -- and I've seen the amount of bullshit he has to deal with growing up. He's stronger than I could ever be and he's been the best older brother anyone could ask for.

Not trying to join the political-correctness' bashing circle-jerk, but the world has grown into one overly sensitive and pedantic fest. I can't say that I relate to the contexts most of you do for obvious reasons, but I still have had a few such encounters. In some of them the response for a benign remark that wasn't politically correct entire was jaw-dropping. No one is genuinely so compassionate that he maniacally rage at the prospect of a semblance of an affront to someone else; it often makes me question the thinking process of those people.

The funny thing is that I grew more insolent as a result of such encounters. I remain decent enough, however, not to stick my finger in someone's eye and objectively hurt him for kicks.

@TheFlush: I think you explained it well enough, even for non-Dutch =) I sometimes refer to something as gay when it's colorful and stylish, but only with people who know what I mean...still can't get myself to use "homo" as is the Dutch habit. Is it really not offensive?

@raugutcon: I believe both are correct, although I think (not sure) that pato would be used more in Spain and that puto can also be used for male prostitute (and in Portuguese it can also be used for annoying brat, but don't know about Spanish).

I have seen a long term shift from talking about gay this gay that to my dick this my dick that how about your dick (type of topics among friends)

@playmynutz: Can't see those being productive conversations =P

@korvus: it is like taking a survey, who has had their dick in this situation, raise your hand

@playmynutz: I am now strangely curious...how many particular situations can you put your penis in? No wait, don't answer...this is not the place XD

@Storm_Marine said:

@Serraph105 said:

the butt of a joke.

lol