Bring time to spare and a sense of humour. Akin to being tricked by a shiny coin that's been super-glued to the concrete

User Rating: 2.5 | The First Templar PC
Don't be impressed by this, but for the first time ever I've found a game that I felt driven to complete for the sole purpose of discovering how laughably bad it could be. The First Templar is bad. So bad it's funny. Not the kind of funny that makes you laugh till you wee either... The tragic kind of funny. Like when a clown is ignited.

I can see what they were trying to do with this game, I really can. An Action game with elements taken from RPG, platformer and stealth-em-up, all to the tune of a grand holy quest fraught with danger and an ages old society of Christian warriors with trust issues. See, what The First Templar should've done with that recipe is take itself seriously. My biggest concern with it is... I, uh... think they did.

Oh the graphics are fairly pretty. And the combat is exciting half the time. That's about it though.

Mild spoilers ahoy: Traps. You will encounter several varieties throughout the cause of the game ranging from spikes in the floor to spouts of flame and swinging bladed pendulums. Not a hard thing to mess up in a game, but when the trick to getting past a floor of spikes is to pull the lever on the wall immediately in front of them... Or perhaps you got stuck in the hall with the grid floor tiles? Here you are faced with a difficult choice: either deduce a safe path through the rigged tiles to avoid igniting your nether regions... or just run through the 'player-character sized' gap between the tiles, unharmed by the flames that light up either side of you. Can you SEE why I played this all the way through? They just don't make em this ridiculous anymore!

Then there's the missions (sigh).. I'll concede, to begin with I mildly enjoyed tackling objectives like "sabotage the trebuchets" or "defeat the beast". That is until I faced "find the treasure behind the crates" and "find the highest point" (that last a secondary objective, so yes... you have to go out of way for those extra points). My favorite - and I really did laugh with this one - was early on. "Discover the safehouses". Probe the city to find where your Templar brothers are hiding from the resident enemy (Ha. Hiding...). Here's a hint: Keep an eye out for the only buildings in the city that are laden in bright, very distinctive flags of the Templar Order. A neon sign would've been less obvious.

I could go on, but I couldn't be bothered giving this game anymore of my time. I won't even delve into the limp stealth that allows you to avoid enemies directly in front of you in broad daylight as long as you dodge a patrolling reticle... or the hole-riddled plot that stabs itself in the back at the end... the numerous traps that get as complicated as "find your way out of a room with no doors, and a collapsible wall"... rigid and hilarious animations during in-game cutscenes reminiscent of Team America... unlockables that you can count on one hand... A skill tree that succeeds in contradicting passive abilities while at the same time making you grossly overpowering... Co-op that merely divides frustration over two players yet doubles it if you play alone... The list is - ahem - embarassing. And long

Yet I still recommend you play it. And if you do, look for reasons to slap yourself in the forehead. You'll enjoy it all the more

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