OFFICER: Is this number 1082771, known as Lewis Hamilton?
PC: Yes sir, it is.
OFFICER: I see. Well, what is he accused of?
PC: In April 2007, Hamilton was cautioned for acting like a right poncy so-and-so. In August 2007, Hamilton disobeyed team orders whilst working in Hungary and was ordered to do a hundred hours community service, at Maranello, Italy. In September 2007, Hamilton was accused of corporate espionage regarding documents from Maranello but was acquitted at Stevenage Crown Court after the jury suspected Hamilton was working as an accomplice.
In March 2008, Hamilton blocked other cars from completing flying laps and was cautioned. In May 2008, Hamilton was banned from driving in Montreal for one year after causing an accident by careless driving. In June 2008, Hamilton was penalised for unsafe overtaking. In September 2008, Hamilton was again penalised for unsafe overtaking and was ordered to pay a fine of £25,000 to one Kimi Raikkonen, who was endangered by the overtake. In October 2008, Hamilton was accused of blocking Mr Raikkonen and paid a further £50,000.
Finally, in March 2009. Hamilton was accused of deliberately misleading the jury following his dangerous move behind a recovery truck in Australia. He was sentenced here where further punishment may or may not occur.
OFFICER: Thank you, Bernie. He has a long crime sheet, eh? I'll have to see what to do with him.
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