That I was a facist and my family were ex IRA

I'm not joking, I hate teenagers

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
And possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
She barely said good morning,
Let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
But the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
And didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
And somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
My secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
And by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
That at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
When Jane knocked on my door
And said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
And it is your Birthday,
What do you say we go out to lunch,
Just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
Where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
With a private table.
We had two martinis each
And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,

' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
For just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
After a couple of minutes,
She came out
Carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
By my wife,
My kids,
And dozens of my friends
And co-workers,
All singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there....

On the couch....

Naked.

BS in nuclear engineering

[QUOTE="mayforcebeyou"]The lurkers are.Meinhard1

I mean that much to you.

This is just sick. I was bullied in middle school, an it left me aa horriblyparnoidmess, I was literally incapable of forming any sort close relationship until at least senior year. I cant wait to see those girls faces when they leave high school and realize there lives are utterly useless piles of crap, built upon the foundations of "popularity".

[QUOTE="tb254"]

It should be a required cubject but they should not grade you on skill or ability, like my freakin school does. We have to run freakin 50 laps across the gym to get an A on the final.

needled24-7

just because you try doesn't mean you should get an A. that'd be like me saying "i got a D on my math test. but i tried my hardest, so i think i should have gotten an A." just like people study for tests, you can practice running on your own free time, and you'll get better. then maybe you can do 50 laps around the gym to get the A.

If I'm taking three ap clases, plus honors english, I have very little time to run. Though maybe, if they reducedit from 50 laps which I've only ever seen 10 people do I would agree with you. Or if they graded on improvement like if I do 20 laps and then I do 30 later maybe thats a b or an a.

It should be a required cubject but they should not grade you on skill or ability, like my freakin school does. We have to run freakin 50 laps across the gym to get an A on the final.

Kellogg's Corn flakes and Graham crackers were originally marketed as a cure for chronic masturbation

Viagra was originally meant for hypertension until a scientist in the lab noted a strange side effect.

English invented football/soccer when they made a game out of kicking dead viking heads.

Botanically speaking the banana is a herb, peppers are fruit, andpeaches andapples are members of the rose family

Bring it on! I'm ready! :x Ain't no flu of the swine gonna take me down! I live in Arkansas! I fight off grizzly bears on my way to school! I mud wrastle with chickens because it's more fun than choppin' their heads off fer supper! I wrangle pigs every Sunday because it gives me somethin' ta do! I think I can handle somethin' like the flu! Even if it ain't Kosher!