Disappointing doesn’t quite cover the intestinal distress this title conveys to the average gamer.
Lost Planet takes place on a snow-covered world called, wait for it, E.D.N III, as humanity desperately seeks to escape the problems of Earth. Once settled, the emigrants found that giant bugs had claimed the planet in the name of France, and started to eat the faces of said emigrants. So a committee of angry face eaten emigrants decided to shove off, and look for better real estate without angry arthropods when ALL OF A SUDDEN, INTRIGUE! It turns out that the insectoids with a crazy taste for human face possess a valuable thermal energy that power their star destroyers. So just like the American government finding oil reserves in a hellhole, the colonists decide to stay and fight…with robots. The plot is so rife with cliché’s and stupidity that even the anime backdrop of cleavage shots and mysterious angry men can’t save it. Thankfully, this is not the draw of the game.
What is, however, is equally as disappointing, as the gameplay will leave you so frustrated that you’ll likely spend weeks rationing your patience out on the 7 hour single player game than beating it in one sitting. To start with, Lost Planet uses an extremely aggravating aiming system that moves your reticule around the screen before it pans left and right. For the first minute, this novelty will draw you in, right up until the next level when you actually need to shoot things. Then it becomes the bully from high school gym class, making you chew on his jock strap in the locker room. Capcom should be ashamed that the controls are so awful they needed to include a 90-degree turn function as if this was some Wolfenstein 3-d throwback. For the most part you can offset this by turning up the sensitivity, but it doesn’t fix the problem, merely downsizing it to an irritation than a crippling flaw. If the problems were bad on foot, they’re even worse in the mechs, as something small and presumably mobile feels more like a lead weight with the ability to use rocket jets. There are a handful of different mechs with an assortment of abilities including jumping, hovering, sliding, drilling, and transforming into the first car your parents let you drive. Of the handful of mechs, only a few are useful, but you’ll grab whatever you can find, because in single player mech combat, robots with missile launchers are king.
Your character has a number of artificial limitations on his actions, the first of which is the need for thermal energy that you can receive from mayhem and activating energy posts. This gives you a limit on how long you can spend on a level, though in practice it doesn’t really take effect unless you’re using a mech and energy weapons for most of the level. In addition, your character can only carry two weapons, which would work a lot better if the game didn’t require you have specific weapons to take care of certain enemies (only explosives hurt mechs, and plenty of them).
The missions are just a linear slugfest of running from the beginning to the end in a straight line, and killing the boss. There aren’t any surprises during the missions, and there’s virtually no way to get lost despite the appropriately sized levels. This could be seen as a positive aspect as it streamlines the experience, but the game gives your character access to a grappling hook that allows him to traverse difficult terrain. This is only useful in a few circumstances that are specifically designed for the function, as you’re not allowed to climb on buildings due to the dreaded invisible barriers. Multiplayer is where this game succeeds, thanks to a capture and hold mode that allows you to take advantage of the grappling hook and team play, but also has a number of mech units on the maps that don’t unbalance gameplay. While it doesn’t quite make up for an inexcusably pathetic single player, it does ease the pain a bit with fast if familiar action.
Compared to Gear of War, Lost Planet is a close rival, with beautiful environments, great character models, terrific animations, and magnificent explosions. There is no denying the amazing aesthetic qualities of the game, and arguably it’ll be one of the highlights of the single player that will keep you going long after the action has turned you off. Acoustically the game is mediocre. The voice acting will make you punch a baby, though realistically the actors didn’t have much room to work with the mind numbingly obtuse lines. The same can be said of the sound effects for the weapons, which sound extremely pedestrian compared to other triple a titles. Disappointing doesn’t quite cover the intestinal distress this title conveys to the average gamer, and while there are some enjoyable aspects, the cover price is a bit extreme considering the nuances you’re going to have to overlook. If you have a desperate need of a new action shooter on the Xbox, just rent this.