Rushed out of the production line.
Besides, what kind of name is "Secret Level Games" anyways? What is their mission statement, "To enter the warp pipe of the player's heart"? Curious, I dug up their website and found that they are actively seeking a senior gameplay programmer. Apply today.
The Iron Man 2 video game has little to do with the movie. Don Cheadle is in it, looking scary as all hell, perhaps the biggest victim of the uncanny valley in gaming history. Samuel L Jackson is also in there as Nick Fury, making me yearn to play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas again. Someone that looks like Robery Downey Jr but sounds distinctly more nasal is in the game as well. Sadly there is no digital Mickey Rourke for this game is not worthy of such an honour. Rather, the plot is built around some evil businessman and the president of Russia (no joke) building their own Ultimo. And said Ultimo lives up to his long time gimmick of being the evil robot that betrays whatever tried creating him, so it's Iron Man and War Machine to the rescue. The plot is standard comic fare, though some poorly-edited cutscenes provide the odd moment of unintentional humour. One particularly great moment has what I can only describe as all of the main characters together spouting one random exclamation and phrases after another and at least one person has what I think is a heart attack in the process. And another near the end of the game features a simulation of detonating Legos in an explosion worthy of the Playstation 1. Metal Gear Solid 4 this is not. In fact this game may have occasional moments of worse English than Metal Gear Solid 4.
You can choose (most of the time) to play as Iron Man or War Machine. But being as you can outfit each of them with similar weapons anyways, the core difference seems to be which one you'd want to spook children with. Once you hop into a mission, you face the dire task of wrapping your mind around the game's unorthodox controls. Nigh every button on the controller is used for something important, from flight control to weapons, and I feel as if this game was designed on an imaginary controller with 10 shoulder buttons. I was particularly annoyed when a mission-specific superpower (like Iron Man's temporary "I AM IRON MAN" invincibility or War Machine's temporary "I AM WAR MACHINE" weapon's power up became available,) because the same Xbox 360 d-pad that activates it also scrolls between weapons. This game needs recognize that I'll always want to use Tony's hand lasers, and switching otherwise is killing my Iron Buzz. But once you wrap your mind around the bizarre control scheme, the game at least succeeds at making you feel like you are Iron Man (or his lackey, in Rhodey's case). You fly, hover, shoot things and execute canned combos like one would expect Iron Man to. This is very much the closest we've gotten to virtual Iron Man since that unlikely-yet-so-sleek-looking Game Boy Advance game.
And once you comprehend the finer points of playing like Iron Man, you'll realize that a superhero's job really isn't as amusing as you would hope. The vast majority of the game's missions feature some kind of escort or protect concept, always a chore in gaming to begin with. It seems like the ships and people of SHIELD are well in over their heads when it comes to fighting the forces of evil and need your aid. Most vehicles or people will have a third of their health chip away if you allow so much as a single missile barrage past your watch. Thus, the best course of defense is to fly directly in front of a barrage of missiles like the suicidal millionaire you are and use a specific deflection counter-attack. Bear in mind that the enemy knows that Tony Stark has a missile deflection technique and responds by sending several smaller enemies to melee attack you. You see, the enemy as attempting to exploit the bit of code in the game that states "when an enemy punches you, the game gives that enemy your undivided attention; time slows down, the camera refocuses and you are forced to counter with a canned combo of its own, abandoning any prior targets you were trying to protect your friends from." Hence the protection missions becomes very frustrating very fast, and the game has a hearty load of them.
Between missions, the player is given the chance to use points earned in battle on upgrades. And my the upgrade system is considerably unwieldy. The game attempts to go more elaborate than the normal "this upgrade makes your attacks stronger" by offering different ammunition types and modules to purchase. Then it gives the player four different versions of each of the game's weapons that you can, in theory, load out with different modules and ammo. Trying to wrap your mind around what all this fictional science means is a bit of a long process, and while it may not be much an obstacle for people used to old Mechwarrior games, normal folk who struggle with setting the microwave clock are in for a cold learning process. And why do we need four different versions of each weapon? Most weapons are only compatible with a select few set of mods anyways. The laser weapons in particular seem to be only willing to accept one other ammo type, so why have four of them? This is just another example of a game making things more complex than need be. And children are going to be playing this too, eh?
The comedy of errors continues. People always joke about how absurd ragdoll physics can be, often forgetting how even more absurd things can be without them. Your typical death animation consists of floating in the air for a few seconds, being hung by the invisible rope before crumbling on the floor. The game really has all of three boss fights and I feel no shame spoiling them. You'll battle against Crimson Dynamo, the Russian villain in an Iron Man suit (and I feel like there's at least six of those in the Marvel universe.) His attacks include a series of short range explosions and swipes that he'll randomly attempt, even if you're a mile away, listening to AC/DC in a Hummer with the troops. His other attack can only be described as the Colossus Grab from Marvel vs Capcom 2; maybe it's some common Russian Sambo tactic. His version has homing capabilities; as he lunges at you slowly, from a mile away. And yet this goofy reach attack is nyet impossible to dodge. It's almost funny how slow-paced and yet almost-inescapable this dashing heroic reach technique can be.
There's also a specific spider tank boss that you'll fight about 5 or 6 times, with a hearty amount of time spent widdling away at his mighty health bar. Later, in what can either be called a plot swerve or an attempt to reuse as many in-game assets as possible, a spider tank joins your team and you must guide in…yep, an escort mission. Then there's that final battle with a giant, hulking Ultimo, which could perhaps be considered a memorable battle in regards to scope, even if the friggin commercial spoils it.
If you are wondering why this review is up so soon, well I'm surprised too. This game is very short, about 4-5 hours long. And that is with a considerable amount of filler; two back-to-back levels (both protection missions of course) take place on the same locale, defending Officer Tenpenny's warship from incoming Grove Street Families. With the numerous protection missions, this game does feels padded out in length.
The best compliment I can give to Iron Man 2 is that it is a good deal more enjoyable than the first Iron Man video game that Secret Level made. But that statement merely refers to the upgrade from "unplayable" to "playable." Maybe another year in development could've turned this into something special. But the current game feels grossly undercooked. It's not dreadful, but is not particularly fun either. This game isn't really worth the $10 rental, to be honest.
2 ½ stars