1) All analyst views and polls are 100% accurate if your console of choice comes out on top. They are complete fabrications and biased viewpoints in all other circumstances.
1a) Rumors are also 100% fact - unless, of course, you don't agree with what was said. Then they are fabricated lies meant to ruin your company and bring about its demise.
1b) Anything you state (even if it's your very own opinion) has to be supported with a 'link'. And, even after such requirement is fulfilled - the accompanying webpage will be tied back to lesson #1.
2) Pre-2005 - Sony fans love Japanese sales numbers, Nintendo fans hate them, Microsoft fans don't care.
Post-2005 - Sony fans hate Japanese sales numbers, Nintendo fans love them, Microsoft fans don't care.
Future? - Sony fans will love Japanese sales numbers if the PS3 is on top, Nintendo fans will love them if the Wii is on top, Microsoft fans will love them if the 360 ever sells more than 10k consoles in a week.
3) I am a 'sheep', a 'cow', and a 'lemming'. I'm not sure how that's possible, but it seems if I post a comment that favors any one system - I am automatically a fanboy of said system and a hater of all others. Strange...
3a) My opinion never counts - everyone else's always does. And, because I don't always agree with someone else's opinion, note the previous statement.
4) The number of consoles sold make a system more fun.
4a) Only sales in America count though because everyone knows that all posters in this forum are from America.
5) Only games that rank 9.0 and higher are any fun - anything less is a 'flop'. Unless, of course, it's a game made by your favorite company - at that point, refer back to lesson #1.
5a) Only reviews at Gamespot hold any merit - all other websites are created by fanboys. If a game you were highly anticipating scores low on GS, though - refer back to lesson #1.
5b) A game must also have an accompanying 'M' rating to be any fun - these games are designed for the 'hardcore'. 'T' will sometimes qualify only if it's your favorite game, but 'E' is a definate no-no. If you like an 'E' game, you're a child and as such, you will probably be labeled a Nintendo fanboy because we all 'know' Nintendo is the Kiddie Kompany.
6) Playing GTA, no matter how much fun you might have, makes you a 'casual'.
6a) Playing anything Mario related, no matter how much fun you might have, makes you a 'kiddie'.
7) Everyone here (including myself) thinks System Wars is stupid - yet we're all here posting away. Isn't that like a paradox or something???
8 ) Only if I can see every hair on a persons head move, or every little crease in their skin, or every little fragment of earth getting kicked up - can a game be any fun. And, if said game has a screenshot that verifies this image - it HAS to be posted here to show everyone how superiour this game will be.
9) PC's are washed up and useless. Though most everyone in here needs one to post on this board - they obviously serve no purpose and are too expensive for the average human being.
10) There is nothing more educational or exciting than reading every detailed spec on an upcoming console. Tereflops, polygons, processor speed - all add up to the most interesting news a person can digest. It, of course, also proves that any game developed for such system MUST, by simple presence on such a powerful machine, be the most fun game ever created.
11) Unlaunched/unproven systems are better than anything already on the market - this is an undeniable fact.
12) Grammar and spelling are not needed in this forum. However, please note that any posts with one or two innocent mistypes will automatically be struck down as 'fanboy nonsense' and disregarded as such.
13) You favorite console company really cares for you personally - they are always looking out for your best interests.
14) Videogames must take priority over all other financial obligations. If you have a mortgage payment due, a car payment, escalating credit cards, whatever - you need to understand that the cost of gaming is rising and sacrifices must be made. And, if there is no possible way for you to fit a particular system (or PC) in your budget, then you are either poor or lazy. You need to get another job, sell the car, or let the house go into foreclosure to make sure you set aside the required funding.
15) Only people of a certain 'level' or posting count have valid opinions - interlopers and 'noobies' are ignorant fools. Though, in defense of this statement, the sheer amount of new topics started by new posters (which typically hold no more value than a pile of dog doo) has caused this statement to be true.
16) No topic is safe from trolls - if you happen to believe the sky is blue, somebody will undoubtedly enter the thread and tell you that the 'Wii is the suxor!!!11!!!'
16a) Any post that is greater than 3 sentences will inevitable be greeted with 'WALL OF TEXT!!' or 'Too long to read' or 'Summary?'. It doesn't matter how thought out or intelligent the post is - if somebody doesn't agree with you, you'll get the one sentence answer that attempts to discredit you.
16b) For whatever reason - expect somebody at some point to not care about your post. They will inform you of their lack of caring by taking the time to reply to your post. Weird...
16c) Humor is not allowed in this forum - making a list (very much like this one) will, without a doubt, make someone feel as though you are picking on them. Even if you take the time to liberally spread the jabs around for everyone, somebody will miss the point and get upset.
17) Almost forgot my favorite - pirating is 'ok' because it means more people will buy consoles from your favorite company (see my sig). :|
18 ) It's fairly obvious that everyone in this forum was at E3 and played the games - everyone, it seems, but me. :(
19) Every console that is released will be the next Dreamcast. Doesn't matter how much money your company has in its coffers - they are fully prepared to sell off the hardware division and develop software only.
20) Consoles never break and anybody states the contrary is either lying or exaggerating.
21) 'Damage Control', 'Owned', 'Meh', etc. are all expressions I've learned to use here and yet, this is the only place I would ever use such a phrase. My wife never seems to get it when I say 'ORLY' to her.
21a) Using any of the above phrases in 'leet' speak (IE. PWNED!!) proves superiourity.
22) The XBox360 is outdated and because it's from Microsoft it's also buggy and rushed.
The PS3 is an overpriced hodge-podge of useless electronics and because it's from Sony it's cheaply made and over-hyped.
The Wii is a gimmicky toy and because it's from Nintendo it's made for kids and people too poor to afford 'real' consoles.
23) Western RPGs are far superiour to Japanese RPGs, unless of course you are a fan of Japanese RPGs - then the opposite is true. Nobody is allowed to like both - you must choose sides and if you don't agree with my favorite, you are racist fanboy.
24) It is necessary, in order to prove ones point, to quote a 14 page thread. It's also good for your eyes to read such posts.
25) 'Bans' and 'suspensions' are merely inconveniences and only prove that your opinion was right all along. It also means you'll have to make a new account and be twice as annoying so everyone else will finally see the light.
25a) Mods are always blind fanboys - if you get tossed from the forum it's because they didn't agree with your point of view.
26) If you truly can only afford one console (see #16) then you better buy the right one, because we all know that your system defines you as a person. If you like the PS3 - you're a casual. If you like the Wii - you're a child. If you like the 360 - then you're a PC nerd.
26a) Anybody that games on a PC is a nerd who lives in the basement of their parents house.
27) Good games are not to have sequels. Any sequel made is to be considered 'rehash' and is automatically garbage.
27a) Games that are made available to others who don't happen to own the original system that the game debuted on are also garbage.
27b) Games that were once tied to a TV and then made available for a handheld are garbage as well.
28 ) Everyone knows that only their favorite company has the ability to make an online service work. And whichever approach that particular company takes is obviously the best and proper way to do things.
29) Nintendo is the only company that innovates. In fact, Nintendo created the word 'innovation' and any company that uses that phrase is stealing. They are also the saviour of the videogame industry and if you don't respect them for that you are obviously a 'casual'.
30) The idea of owning competing systems is proposterous and nobody will believe you anyway unless you post a link that proves it. At which point, your link will be called into question as per lesson #1b.
31) There are no such things as girl gamers - if you attempt to come into this forum as a female, it will be assumed that you are a 12-year-old boy getting his 'kicks' by pretending to be a girl.
32) For whatever reason, some forumites tend to go off the deep-end and post porn and offensive pictures - all for the 5 seconds of glory they might receive right before being banned and having the thread deleted.
33) Halo is the only FPS type game - any game that attempts to use this same type of gameplay is a cheap knock-off.
33a) Mario is the only platforming game - any game that attempts to use this same type of gameplay is a cheap knock-off.
33b) Final Fantasy is the only RPG game - any game that attempts to use this same type of gameplay is a cheap knock-off
34) Never, NEVER attempt to reason or 'educate' a fanboy. This is the most stubborn breed of human possible - you will get nowhere and in return for your troubles you will only receive insults about your mother.
35) Everybody here has at least one cousin who is a roomate of a sales representive and has used this connection in order to unearth breaking news. Of course, this news is to be taken as fact and anybody that states otherwise is ignorant.
36) Apparently there are some very savvy posters in this forum - they manage to talk friends (and complete strangers, for that matter) out of buying competing systems by simply telling them how terrible a console is or how much better another one is. These tales will ultimately be used as evidence to prove a console is superiour to all others.
37) Nintendo fans will tell you that graphics don't matter - they may even bring up the days of Zork to prove that the only thing that matters is gameplay. No worthwhile game can have great graphics and great gameplay.
37a) Sony fans will tell you that the only thing that defines whether a game is any fun is how great the graphics are. Without the details outlined in lesson #8, no game can possibly be any fun and believe me, they'll have screenshots to prove it.
37b) Microsoft fans will always change the subject and discuss online services instead, because as we've already learned in lesson #28 - only Microsoft can create the proper online experience. And any other console that attempts to connect to the internet (in any way) is obviously copying.
These are my top lessons I've learned - anybody gain anything else in here? Just curious... ;)
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