Should I hide the fact that I'm a virgin?

I'm 35 years old man and yes... I'm still a virgin. I was born into a religious family where sex was taboo. Along with that my father was quite abusive which left me with self-esteem issues. Unfortunately dating ended up taking a backseat. Many women were friendly with me but I don't honestly know that they were interested in dating me. The few times I asked a woman out I got rejected.

Over the past year however I've been going to the gym and getting involved with activities and it's really helped my self-esteem. I've even managed to go on a few dates, although I still haven't managed to have sex or even kiss a woman yet

My question is if I manage to find myself in a situation where kissing/sex is coming, should I reveal my inexperience? I'm thinking if I reveal this to her our relationship will become more intimate and maybe she'll go slow with me and be more patient. However there is also the fear that she will think of me as too odd to continue dating.

So what do I do if I find myself in that situation?

No. Any experienced woman will know if you are a virgin or not (during the sex). And any woman that laughs at you for being a virgin (especially if they don't understand the circumstances behind it) isn't worth your time.

I wouldn't hide it, there shouldn't be a problem admitting you're a virgin.

I mean I'm certainly not afraid to admit here that I'm still a virgin, only difference is I'm younger than you, but not that much, only a little over a decade.

There's no reason to hide it and definitely no shame in being a virgin,so you shouldn't worry too much about it. Not really something to bring up as soon as you get a kiss but if things are definitely moving to the bedroom (or wherever you'll want to do it =P) then just casually mention it. Most girls don't really mind and some even if it something of a turn-on so don't sweat it =)

Just to clarify I've never kissed a girl much less had sex with one. I was actually thinking of revealing it at the second or third date, usually when a kiss is expected. Is that too soon?

I'll be honest here... you are a very extreme case of virgin. Its really hard to give you any advice, tips, or words of wisdom becuz you are a terrible special case of virginity.

The only thing I can say is I hope that Christian Mingle has something for you.

@Nengo_Flow: Because I'm 35? I understand your sentiment but I mean everybody has to lose it one day. Besides I'm not a religious person anymore and I don't want to wait till marriage.

No offense but u gotta get on that ASAP. Not the end of the world but it needs to be addressed

At 35 you might as well go for it!!!

I don't think it is up to us to tell you when the right moment is; depending on when you decide to tell her it might be too soon (and I'm sure it's obvious when it would be too late) but I wouldn't recommend you to tell her just because you think that it's about time you guys have sex. I wouldn't sleep with anyone on my third date so if all of a sudden during the second or third date a girl told me she was a virgin I would probably think "Ok, and why is that relevant all of a sudden in the middle of dinner?"

“Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” -Tyrion Lannister

35? Christ, I'd probably have committed suicide at 25

Don't mention it to a female unless you begin some kind of intimacy. Maybe after kissing and hugging and spooning will you want to mention it.

I can never take these posts seriously. Would you honestly ask for advice like this on a gaming website? Sounds fake.

TC just be yourself. There is no shame hiding that your still a virgin.

Sad to say that I lost my virginity when I was very young :-(

After how many dates do you usually have sex?

yeah cuz you're 35.

and thats also the problem, the only people who will be alright with you being 35 and a virgin are religious people. Pretty much only another religious woman would be fine with it and would like that you are "pure" (and ever prefer, cuz to a religious woman you have been doing an excellent job in the eyes of god).

Sure you could lose it rather easily, but will it be in the way that would be worth it? and what next?

Having sex has nothing to do with relationships or marriage, so you can go a head and have sex, but for what then?

I assume you would want to be in a relationship for a long time and or get married too one day, how do you go about having that? even after you lost your virginity?

Yes the problem is that you are 35 and have never even touched a woman. You could go the the "40 year Old Virgin" moive route, where he fakes it untill he finally has sex and a relationship, but what are the chances you'll get even half as close as him?

Another thing you mentioned, "everybody has to lose it one day" is false. There are plenty of people who die without ever losing it. Not everyone is meant to and not everyone can.

Bullshit. A real woman who is looking for a relationship with a man for reasons other than sex won't care. Many women of all ages take pride in taking a man's virginity from him, and/or teaching him how to be a good lover.

The desire and ability to learn are far more important in a sexual relationship than total number of sexual partners.

I don't know what a "real" woman is but I agree with this... problem is it's exceedingly hard to find someone like that at age 35.

OP better have a fat bank account.

I don't see why it should even be an issue.

lol thats fairy tale and mostly BS

Sure there are woman at 35+ that would get into a relationship not caring about the sex or the guy's sex experience history etc. but what woman wants TC? and why would a woman want TC? Why would she chose TC? You are talking about the 1 in a million chance here.

I dont know where you get that woman take pride in taking a man's virginity and teaching him. Sure maybe for a younger guy, kinda like how it was for me at 21 when I lost it, but what woman is gonna be doing this for a 35 year old? And what kind of woman is that? Probably another virgin 35+ year old who is most likely religious. (again, the 1 in a million chance, and even less now cuz TC said he isnt religious anymore)

I understand you "woman dont care about how many times you ****" , and Im not saying TC needs to **** in order for woman to find him attractive. I just said before that it doesnt matter if he does have sex/loses it, its about TC lack of just being around a woman and how to just touch a woman so that he can maybe have a relationship.

I was upfront with girls when i was a virgin. I found that mostly only the Christian girls (who were virgins themselves found it admirable), the other women actually were also fine with it because I showed that I didnt have a problem with it (but they didnt find it admirable and did think a bit less of me and wondered what I was waiting for or was wrong with me.)

Again I lost it a 21 and even tho for most people that is considered really late, it literally had no affect to me. I had sex with my girlfriend over a twohundred times in the almost year relationship I had and though it was great, nothing in me change or seemed different. Which is why I said that losing it has noting to do with establishing a relationship and/or getting married in the long wrong.

Because, the d.

I wouldn't mention it until the moment of truth. Some women might think you're lying and using it as a way to get with them. Some women might feel obligated to do the deed with you. It puts too much pressure on them. You'd think the pressure would be on you but its more likely the opposite.

i recently made a topic asking this same question... im actually 32, didnt mention my age because its fucking embarrassing at this point. all people do is have sex, me being the scared pussy that i am, is too afraid to even ask a girl out, anyway this topic might also help with your question.

http://www.gamespot.com/forums/offtopic-discussion-314159273/should-i-tell-girls-im-a-virgin-31690481/

thought about it, but just like asking a girl out, i dont have the balls to do it.

...

honestly at this point if it does happen im thinking of not even mentioning it at all. i just want her to think i am terrible at sex, but from all the porn ive seen, it cant be that difficult to please a girl.

what really pisses me off and depresses me atm is that i was so close with this one girl and she knew i was a virgin but still wanted me but i didnt have the balls to go out with her. she really wanted to be with me and now i hate myself for how i acted around her, fml. i dont know if i can change who i am cause i have been like this all my life.

No reason to hide it but no real reason to bring it up. If you feel the woman wouldn't care that you are sure go ahead, but in 90% of instances it's better to keep that to yourself unless specifically asked about it. Besides your most likely going to be awkward and fumbly the first time so she most likely will figure it out. I know I sure as hell don't bring it up unless someone else does, in which case the topics on the table so **** it just be honest. At my age 24 telling a girl I'm a virgin would be the last thing I want to do, might be different at 35 but there's 15 guys at this party all my age or younger who have more experience then me so instantly I'm a peg down in a lot of girls books so I don't bring it up unless forced to.

The woman who rejects u for being "Virgin" just doesn't worth it....i mean there's nothing to be ashamed of , hell u can even go with prostitutes ...then go on dates !

Don't volunteer it, but she will know. Often thats a thrill. So they say.

This isnt important . You should do the thing that you want to do.

You're a better man than most, where I grew up people would bully you if you didn't lose your virginity by your freshman year of high school and the whole being religious reasoning didn't matter (most of their parents were religious and had premarital sex too). Anyway, I wouldn't bring it up, since while some women may recognize your experience others might not.

Depending on the woman, if she knows that you are a virgin before the deed starts she might not want to waste her time, or she may be intrigued. Once the deed has already started she might say **** it if she figures it out and keep going. Besides, there is no reason you have to tell her, it's not like you're withholding the fact that you got a vasectomy and she wants children.

am i the only one here who thinks there is no reason to tell everyone you're a virgin? chances are you're not going to be asked about it at this age because most folks will assume that you've had sex at least a few times before. you don't necessarily have to tell your dates about this unless you feel pretty good about yourself being a virgin, which apparently you don't. mentioning such a thing a shame on your face will make you look miserable and affects your self esteem around that person immediately. i personally didn't let my first know for the exact same reason. i didn't feel good about myself being a virgin. ( and she didn't notice)

I would mention it the moment things seem to be heading to the bedroom. Not necessarily in the third date, not while kissing at dinner.

How she takes it will depend on the type of person she is. A mature woman, who's really into you and interested in a relationship wouldn't mind. Or as others have said, may even take it upon herself to get you on the right track. Someone who would be disgusted at you for being a virgin, isn't really worth your time.

Even after you had sex for the first time?

yes, i did one goofy thing during the sex though, but i got away with it.

I cannot explain how badly I want to hear what that goofy thing was =D

Not at all. Live your life as you want to.

not everyone needs a front seat in your life. If they don't need to know, then don't tell them. It's not their business how many people you have taken to bed.

A "real" woman being a real woman, i.e. someone who exists in reality and not the fantasy land of Nengo.

A woman looking for merely a sexual relationship is real too, I just clarified that there are also real women at that age who aren't just interested in it.

Like I said yeah I agree with you in theory but OP needs tons of luck to find to find someone like that. And he better be an amazing catch.

when i tried to do the doggy, i had a wrong assumption of where exactly i should insert my penis. thought it would be lower than that which made me try a wrong place a few times and she said "higher damn it". at this point i had to made up an excuse in a decisecond or be exposed. best i could come up with was to tell her "do you want it now baby"? and then put it in the right place.lol i THINK it worked.

Well, thanks, now I have to go to bed after reading that. So this is what having showtime in the 90s at night was like.

tell the woman you've never slept with a women because you're gay or at least thought you were and have only had sex with guys but she makes you confused about your sexuality and everything should be rainbows and puppies

keeping your virginity keeps you a step above the rotten sex-havers

stay pure

Society has deemed prolonged virginity a problem, but they have no real reason for doing so. On the other hand, society also looks down on people who whore themselves out; so why define your worth in any area based on a culture that no longer has any basis for anything that it believes?

I'm curious, though. What do you mean by "sex was taboo" in the context of your religious family?

As in it was never to be spoken of and doing it would lead to shame and eternal damnation. I wish I was being sarcastic but unfortunately I'm not.

You mean premarital sex, adultery/cheating was looked down on? Because if it's a Christian belief system, sex is esteemed in the context of marriage. For example, Song of Solomon is a very sexually suggestive Biblical book. And Paul in 1 Corinthians says that two people who are married are obligated to give their spouse sex and without refusal, and that married couples should rarely abstain from sex with one another.

I've personally decided not to have sex until marriage because of my religious beliefs. Some people even choose to purposefully pursue celibacy; that takes more discipline than jumping in with the crowd and whoring yourself out. The stigma attached to virginity is a farce based on nothing. Don't worry yourself over it.

At 35 i think a lot of women would turn you down on the mere mention of you being a virgin, so yes i would keep it to myself particular now you finally have gotten some self-esteem, since i bet a lot of rejection would just hit you back to 0.

So if it was me and i was a virgin i would hook up with a agency and get the first out of the way and also not be hindered by fears and also a pro would be able to teach a thing or two.

It's 2015

No one gives a **** if your're a virgin or not.