You: There comes a time in every man's life when he has to look the potato of injustice in the ear.
Stranger: And that's what Jim had to do on the first day of his new job
You: You see, Jim had always argued with his boss about the reasoning behind working in the nuclear power plant without any pants.
Stranger: This was because many sheep had gotten loose in the plant, and they lacked pants - thus they got tumors.
You: Jim felt that, if he could only shave the sheep and make a matching moustache and goatee combo, he would be safe from the facility's radiation.
Stranger: Then the swarm of sheep came to him in his cubicle, and said "Random Stranger, hi and will you marry me?"
You: Jim looked them askance and realized that he had picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue.
Stranger: He wiped the glue residue off of his desk, took a swig of rubbing alcohol, and walked down to his boss' office.
You: As usual, his boss' door was wide open, the smell of pickled beets wafting out into the hallway.
Stranger: Jim steeled himself against the smell - he was allergic to beets - and walked in
You: "Why hello there, Jimbo!" his boss announced, prying a crayon from his nose which he had jammed in there only moments earlier.
Stranger: "Hello, boss!" Jim replied as he removed a coffee bean from his back pocket, "I wanted to see you about the sheep."
You: "What sheep?" his boss asked, springing off of his chair, face first onto the floor. He continued, "I didn't order any sheep."
Stranger: Jim absentmindedly brushed powdered chili pepper off of his sleeve as he stared vacantly at his boss. "I really want to wear pants, you see, but I need the sheep to make a moustache and goatee to be safe from the radiation."
You: "But why would there be sheep here? This has been a nuclear power facility since it was converted from a Burger King last week," he replied.
Stranger: Jim thought for a moment. "Well, they must have escaped from the Wal-Mart next door," he reasoned, "They always have plenty of wild sheep in stock." His boss frowned, purple juice running down his face.
You: Just then, his boss pounced upon his desk and shouted, "You've discovered my secret plan! For, you see, the nuclear power plant is just a facade for my true intentions-- a multi-national sheep-counting emporeum!"
Stranger: Jim's eyes went wide as he choked on a lemon. After taking a moment to compose himself, he muttered "That's so gay."
You: His boss's eyes narrowed on Jim as his unibrow trembled wildly, "I'm not the one coming to work with no pants."
Stranger: Jim's left arm jittered as he searched for an appropriate response. "Well then," he said, "I guess I'll just have to go save the taco on my own." With that, he gently dumped seven point eight ounces of old pennies on the table and stalked out.
You: Luckily, his boss had prepared for such a response, and he flicked a switch on his desk, activating the chili-dog powered ejection-seat mechanism on his office chair, sending him flying into the space, en route to the sun.
Stranger: Seeing his one-time leader arc across the sky, Jim whispered loudly in anger and took off in hot pursuit, siren blazing.
You: Due to a miscalculation of his trajectory, Jim's boss slingshotted around the soon and was soon on a crash course with Earth-- he was headed right for Jim's backyard vat of Jello.
You: *sun
Stranger: Immediately catching on to this, Jim set a course for his own home on an intercept course. Little did he know that at that very moment, a gooey swarm of old peanuts was headed his way.
You: The peanuts, sent by Colonel Mustard, were armed with plastic sporks and were in the middle of a heated combat with Comrade Khrushchev's swarm of Communist Goobers.
Stranger: Over the battlefield, the clouds parted and rays of liberalism spread, causing Colonel Mustard's men to begin chanting anti-gun slogans before bending over in calculated anguish.
You: Suddenly, Jim flew directly over the battlefield, as the Communist Goobers mistook him for the second coming of Karl Marx and began to fall to their knees in reverence.
Stranger: Mustard's men raised their salt slingers, ready to pelt the crystals at Jim, when a resounding splat! was heard from the distance as Jim's boss collided in a rather suave fashion with a pool of Jello.
You: Jim's boss found himself with a mouthful of the broccoli flavored Jello, as the moon, somehow ripped from its orbit, began to fall toward the planet.
Stranger: The entire world looked wobblingly up at the vast white surface rushing towards them in fear as thousands of faces made of cheese spontaneously burst out of it, splattering everyone in spoiled caviar.
You: The screams of the humans were overshadowed by the voice of a masked man, crying out, "THERE'S A BOMB IN THE LASAGNA" in the distance.
Stranger: While running from the dread lasagna, Jim ran straight into a man with a very familiar face. James Joyce himself glared lovingly back at Jim from the ground where he reclined.
You: But Jim realized something odd about the man-- he had a scar across his cheek which he swore was never on any painting or photograph of James Joyce he had ever saw.
Stranger: Jim pointed at the scar and began to speak. "Uh, Senora Joyce, de quien recibiste esta cicatriz?"
You: La mujer, Sra. Joyce, no tuvo tiempo para pensar porque la jefe de Sr. Jim estallo en la piscina de Jello de Jim y, ahora, el Jello fue en todas las partes del mundo.
Stranger: Suddenly, Jim was gripped by a vision of the Jello flooding ponderously through New York City streets as it engulfed the world, chunk by chunk.
You: In an instant, sun disappeared and the Jello had frozen into a solid, green, brocolli-flavored mass, holding much of the world hostage inside its frozen gelatanous-ness.
Stranger: Completely bound by his wobbly prison, Jim flicked a tongue out to taste the marvel in which confines he was being held. Suddenly, SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
You: The screech was Jim's inner concious, as his tongue was immediately frozen to the green goo.
Stranger: Shrugging, or at least as much as one feasibly could in such extenuating circumstances, Jim defrosted his tongue before wiping some coagulated maple syrup off of his left nostril.
You: However, it was not maple syrup-- it was an extremely concentrated solution of alien life that had taken up residence in Jim's nose at the time of the nuclear power plant incident.
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