A "pretend review" of a "pretend fighting game".
User Rating: 7.5 | WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2007 X360
I didn't buy this game - I really didn't! Well, I DID, but I really didn't mean to... Ok, let me tell you the unlikely story of how this game came in my possesion, hopefully you'll understand... So, there I was at my local electronics merchant, browsing around, when suddenly - and for no apparent reason - a wad of cash jumped out of my back pocket and lunged at a nearby clerk. Shocked and confused by the strange turn of events, the clerk recoiled, picked up a random game and threw it at the charging bills and coins. Somehow - and this is were the story gets almost unbelievable - the game found it's way through the cloud of currency and landed right in my bag. Terrified at the thought of what other things might escape the confines of my pants and attack innocent by-standers, I stormed out of the shop and ran home. Later that night, as I was watching a Fellini movie, I suddenly felt the need to check my bag to make sure I had indeed returned that library-copy of "Class and Etiquette", which was due that very same day. To my relief and amazement, all I found was an X360 game with a wild, sweaty man on the cover. WWE Smackdown vs RAW 2007 it read. I retraced my steps of the day, and umm... played the game. So, you see -- it was a million to one chance, a million to one. Now, the reason I just spend so many words trying to defend myself against an accusation which may not even have been uttered yet, is this: To us Europeans, wrestling (or wrasslin', if you will) is a wholly embarrassing affair. I mean, we know it's all make-believe, and we know that American's know this too, so how can they get so fired up cheering and booing when these so-called Superstars act out their little pantomime? I admit, when I was a kid I really liked wrestling -- and I guess it was mainly because I was so young that I couldn't really tell whether it was real fighting or not. Of course, it always seemed a bit strange that the wrestlers would stomp the ground while punching... and those punches never really seemed to collide. It was also odd the way downed wrestlers would just lie there, like unconscious - though obviously not - while the enemy would make his way to the top of the ropes for some high-flying antics. But, strange as all that might've seemed, I also found plenty of reasons to believe that it was, in fact, somewhat real. Like, when blood reared its face, or people were injured or matches got interrupted by other wrestlers with a grudge. Yeah, I know.. that really doesn't make much sense either, but sometimes a young mind works in weird and wonderful ways to keep a fantasy intact. Basically -I just loved it too much to consider the fact that it was ALL bogus. Anyways, eventually I got older, realized that it was all bogus and should be considered as a soap-opera sporting greased up, heavy metal enthusiasts instead of anything sports-related. But I've concluded that THAT must be why the Americans love it. It's a Bold and the Beautiful for men, which revolves around fighting and talking smack instead of love- and family-issues. But... it's still really, really dumb. So was it nostalgia, stupidity or an actual accident that lead me to play this game? Well, a little from column A, B and C. Nostalgia, because I remembered how much fun I had with my friends playing Royal Rumble in the PSX original - WF Smackdown plus childhood memories. Stupidity, because I actually thought they'd do it again and be able to use the extra years and experience to find humor in the otherwise worryingly egocentric and humorless Superstars instead of just laughing AT the game (as happened) ... and "an accident" because I was just too desperate for a game and there was nothing else out there -- furthermore; the price'd been slashed. Is the game any good, then? Yeah, sure, as wrestling games go, this is just peachy with plenty of homo-erotic moves and game-modes. Just remember: Wrestling isn't fighting - wrestling is wrestling. There is a completely different pacing to these games, and people who know wrestling will understand this and work with it, while others (like my friends) will simply drop the joypad in frustration and boredom. It's a slow affair, and the characters can't exactly be described as "dynamic". Quite realistically, they are more like big steroid-gulping hulks, who may be able to lift a small truck over their head but who will also keel over gasping for air and sweating bullets after a small run around the ring. You must constantly keep those two extremes in mind, if you want to avoid prolonged sessions of button-bashing trying to inject some life into your limp Superstar as he lays on the canvas unable to muster the strenght to raise himself up, because YOU had him do five bodyslams in a row without a simple break to catch a breath. Get the hang of this, and the game gets more and more enjoyable, right until it becomes way too easy and repetitive. When that happens, a bunch of friends for a 2 on 2, Battle Royal or Royal Rumble, is just what you need. If you can find anyone willing to try and understand this game. I couldn't, but then again - I'm not American. Now let's go and dance naked in a fountain!
