This is it. The big one; my least favorite game of all time, Sonic 06. And Jerk F@#$ING HATES it to!
The game is split into 3 different stories, Sonic, Shadow, and *ugh* Silver. Each story is basically just a different prespective on the same story, which can work, like in Sonic Adventure 2 for example. However, the story of this game is not easy to understand, thus isn't very good. Now, I know what you're thinking. "You must be a simpleton. Just because a game story isn't easy to understand doesn't mean it's bad." Well, game stories need to have a simple overarching plot with complicated details. That way, the story stays engaging without being overwhelming. Sonic 06's story is the opposite, so nothing in this plot makes any god damned sence.
I'll try to recap the story to the best of my ability. The game is about the time belt collapsing... That right there is enough to tell you that there are going to be plot holes the size of black holes. It's unavoidable, apparently, because no game designer can seem to keep it straight when they try that s#1t. The story is mainly about finding out why the timeline is breaking down. Now, if this game excels ANYWHERE, it's the villians. Dr. Eggman, reccuring villian of the Sonic series, actually seems like a threat, and Mephilis, a new character, is pure evil. Sadly, all this amounts to is wasted potential. Mephilis is evil, but as far as we ever find out, he's just an evil entity. No justification at all, just... "He's evil", and he just ate puppies for dinner. Some characterization would be nice. Also, Dr. Eggman is just as stupid as ever; He just has more robots, and just feels more sinister. That's just a sad waste of potential.
Basically, the 3 different stories involve 3 different aspects of this over complicated plot. Sonic's story is stopping Eggman, and him trying to use Mephilis to take over the world. Shadow's story involves trying to stop Mephilis from taking over the universe, with some undercurrents of Rouge lust, and Silver's story is about fixing the timeline. SPOILER ALERT: It turns out that Mephilis is responsable for the timeline destruction because Eggman went back in time to unleash Mephilis who was sealed away in a girl named Elise when she was about 5 years old, and the way to unleash this evil is, and I hope you're sitting down, because this'll knock you on your ass, to make Elise cry... Ok,... that is STUPID! First of all, she was only 5 years old! Did they us to believe that she never once got sad enough to cry without Eggman's help?! I mean, come on! To make it worse, she's at least 13 in the game! What happens to 13 year old girls? It's called a period. Sorry for mentioning that kind of thing, but I found it to be unavoidable. When the fate of the entire universe depends on the emotional state of a little girl who hasn't had a period yet, and the little girls reaction to a period being somewhat unpredictable, it's like betting your rent money on the lottery winner, and the only thing you get back is your rent money, if you win. There was no way that Mephilis was going to stay cooped up for much longer.
It also deserves to be brought up that this game also buttf@%ks all of the other games, too. Blaze was a character from Sonic Rush that happens to be one of my favorite characters in this game, and was established to be from another dimention. But this game skullf@%ks that, and makes her from the future. One could say that this game is a prequel though, because of how Silver's story ends, but that theory doesn't gel with anything up to then. SPOILER ALERT: She absorbs the fiery soul boss thing and warps away, or dies... I can't tell, honestly. If Blaze warped away, then she now lives in the parallel universe with no memory of anything that happened. Ok, here's my question. Before the absorb part, she said that Silver couldn't absorb the fire thing, because his soul wasn't already on fire. In Sonic Rush, she was born with the gift of fire, as she put it, so if that's the case, then how did Blaze get her soul on fire in the future? Is it a loop? Seriously, this is just the problem when you go with time as a main plot, because it stops making sence.
Another way it skullf@%ks the other games, is that most of the characters personalities are signifigantly worse. Knuckles is my favorite sonic character, and he acts like somebody pissed in his cereal for 3 straight weeks, and is about ready to flip the global crisis onto it's heels, and pummel it's assh0le with a 12 gauge. Omega gets caught up in stupid "I wanna feel." drama, and Sonic's more of a wise cracking prick Sonic's not quite as bad as he is in Sonic Colors, but it's still bad. The worst of them all, however, is Silver. Silver the Hedgehog is on of the worst designs for a sonic character only rivaled by Charmy the Bee. Say what you want, but any character with a pot leaf for a head was probably inspired by the same thing. Second, his personality reminds me of a down syndrome Superman. Overly heroic, even when the situation never called for it. It's like he thought he was the hero of his own movie, and I would've seriously enjoyed it if he screwed the pooch, but that never happened. Third, and most annoying, his voice is atrotious. Seriously, it's like the t#@t from How to train your Dragon on helium; it's just aweful!!
Actually, come to think of it, the voice acting in this game as a whole is f@%king woeful. There is an infamous scene where Rouge is falling to her death. We'll let slide the issue of why she can't fly, and it was dumb when Sonic Adventure 2 did it, too, but her scream of terror is so bad, that it falls off of the horrible spectrum. It's so bad, it's actually funny. Think Samus from Metroid other M trying to yell for help apathetically, or even better, Kristen Stewart and her monotone. Speaking of things that don't help, the music and graphics. While the graphics on the senary is ok, everyone looks like they're made of plastic. It looks like there are more satisfying results just playing with Sonic toys than this game. Also, the music in this game is worse than any other sonic game ever. "His World" sounds like the mentally handicapped Green Day is singing it, and the character themes are shallow at best. It has more variety than SA2, but it just creates a lack of focus, and it becomes a neusanse.
But none of that horribleness can compare to the pure botanical s#1t of the gameplay. It's split between the stories, so let's start with Sonic's gameplay.
Sonic's gameplay is running really fast, and... well that's about it. There are robot's in the way, but most of the time, you move to fast to see them, so you run into them, and get hurt. No, the real thing of Sonic's gameplay is the quick time event. For example, the springboards that you need to press the right button in time or die. I always thought they were really dumb, because A is always jump, and it doesn't change other than the QTE sections... why? Did his legs forget how to control themselves, I mean what? Also, much like the much better SA2, you switch randomly between Tails, and Knuckles, but while in SA2, which had entire stages with these characters, this game has sections to play as these characters. Which is a shame, because Knuckles is killing things instead of treasure hunting, so it's more annoying to switch back to that blue t#@t.
Shadow's gameplay is probably the best, and I honestly think that if they just took this gameplay and fixed it up, just by itself is a decent game. It feels like a return to the SA2 style I like, and Shadow has a different move set, with the ability to use the Chaos Spear. Honestly, it could be really fun! It could be, but it isn't... Why? We-he-hell, we'll get to that later... First, I'll say that alot like Sonic's gameplay, the play switches between Rouge and Omega... Rouge plays simular to Knuckles. SIMULAR, not same. Omega can shoot rockets everywhere, and his gameplay is f@%king boring, because it's too easy... Everything you look at explodes, and it's no challenge at all.
Silver's gameplay is the odd one out. He can't move fast at all, and his is more using his psychic powers to destroy stuff. Obviously, it has the same problem as Omega, in that it's too easy. Just stop when your powers are drained to let them recharge, and your golden. Most of the gameplay is Sonic, Shadow, and Silver, and playing as Silver is just boring. His story splits, thank god, to Amy and Blaze. Odd, isn't it? Anyway, Amy is stealth based, but it doesn't want to work sometimes, while Blaze is more traditional like Shadows, and could be fun, but isn't. Now I thinks it's time to tell you why nothing in this game is fun, even though parts of it could be.
The glitches and bad programming in this game are f@%king rampant! It's aweful, and it's the worst I've ever seen. Silver is a boss in Shadow and Sonic's stories, and if you get to close to Silver, he'll grab and throw you into the wall hurting you, and he can also grab you while you're in post hit invincability, so if he gets you into the corner, just quit, because you're screwed. Knuckles and Rouge all have the ability to climb walls,and Blaze can run up walls, but the game has a bad habit of letting you get caught on the walls, where the controls are complete ass, so you can't get off of the damned wall. There are alot of invisible barriers in the middle of paths you have to take to beat the level, and the only way to pass is luck wether or not the stupid invisi-wall is there. Sometimes you can pass through the floor, and fall to your death. This happened to me when I was about to hit the goal of a really hard level. The glitches are this games biggest downfall, and it's because it was rushed out to be a release title with the XBox 360.
That's right! Sonic 06 is so putrid, that it even has a bad history! It's s#1t! It's puke! It's wank! It can go spoon a f@%king lathe! I'd rather bash my head into a septic tank until blood and s#1t runs into my mouth, and I puke until it all comes out of my nostrils! I'd rather cut my nuts off with a F@%KING butter knife! This is it! The worst; no story, no character, no gameplay, just pain! Pure stinging pulsing pain! It makes me want to pull every hair from my head and body one by one, then light myself on fire, just because the pain would be less than playing this f@%king game!! AHHHH HA HAAA!!! *sigh of relief*... Yeah,...it's not worth playing... give it a miss... now, i think i'm going to take a nap now... i think i need it...*sigh*
Jerks Opinion:
Now that my comrade has bleed out his unending hatred for this stain on gaming society Ill shall lay down my spin. Now Boros has given more than fare run down. He only left out that it was released for the Xbox in 06 and on the PS3 in america in January of 2007. I'm going to tell you some thing right now that I've been shot by large caliber fire arms, I've been in multiple high speed motor vehicle accidents and have had the skin on my penis shaved by a psychotic girl friend. I've broken most of the bones in my body and have had root canals, I enjoyed all of these much more than playing Sonic the Hedgehog 2006. It burns me up to think any one would really enjoy playing this piece, I know every one is entitled to their own opinion and that I encourage you all to make your own happiness with any game that is released and people through down on. I my self have spent my whole life playing games that no one gave a good review, that no one really liked. But when I played this one I was over whelmed with mixed emotions. I don't know why they done all of us this way. I've been a fan of sonic since it all started way back in the golden days. If I had children I would encourage them to make art and draw and expresses them selves as individuals. But if this is what my child made or painted I would receive it as a severe cry for help. One could look at this game with that set of eyes or one could also see it the way me and my comrade sees it. Ive worked odd jobs through out my life time and have down things for people most of the children have never heard of. The back braking labor for making ends meat was stifling and my hands they bled some times from all the digging but I still got the job done, no matter what when my boss wanted or needed it done I got it done. And not only done but done right. The effort for Sonic 06 was just not there. They just slapped it together and called it a next gen master piece. long story short they failed us beyond description. Im done talking, let me just get to the good the bad and the UGLY
The Good:
Well the graphics and the character design was ni, aw f@#$ it nothing about this game was good
The Bad:
The whole f@#$ing game
The Ugly:
I bet you all have been waiting for this haven't you? The American voice cast for starters then. Ill get into the real ugly in a moment. AHHHH! I know Boros spoke on this issue earlier. But I need to get this out. I have a major problem with this. The Actor for Rouge the Bat more than half assed her job. Caren Lyn Manuel-Tackett (aka Alyson Johnson,aka Kathleen Delaney, aka Caren Manuel, aka Caren Lyn Manuel) voiced her, she also is a broad way singer not a bad one at that but she still really screwed Rouges voice up. I liked the spin she gave Rouge in Sonic X. Was not my pic of the litter but hey was not bad either. But her lack of emotion and diction in this game made me vomit. Im not joking or exaggerating I vomited where I was sitting when I heard AHHHH!
My next gripe is Silver the Hedgehog. The pot head that runs slower than Moses. A fat kid running to go get him some cake is faster than this jerk. Next is his voice. They all ways have him as a super noisily little pansy. I know Rouges voice actor did bad but I liked her once upon a time, but Ive all ways hated the sound of his voice. If I met this Orokana hito on the street Id have to beet his ass. Fakku you silver the hedgehog, Fakku you.
Now for the true ugly of this game. Princess Elise, this character really did not need to happen. This role was supposed to go to Amy Rose and her voice actor. But in honer of major fan service for the higher end fans the had a miss
Lacey Chabert voice her instead. She was a major sonic the hedgehog fan and just had to have that role. Im not going to say any more, Im about to have a stroke if I press on about this subject, there's a lot more about this but I dont care to share right now.
Jerks absolution:
All in all this is just a small reminder of man kinds failure toward his fellow man. This game could not have been any worse.