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MTBare

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#1 MTBare
Member since 2006 • 5176 Posts

[QUOTE="dude63"]What death metal and black metal bands do you recommend. the only black metal bands I know are..Celtic Frost, Burzum, and mayhem..sad i know but...theomega101
All these sub-genres are just getting dumb.

THE GENRES OF METAL

HEAVY METAL: The protagonist (at five foot four and 600 stone) arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and collapses from a heart attack at the feet of the princess.

GRIND METAL: The protagonist arrives, screams something completely
undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes
from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest.

FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess.

VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty mighty axe, cooks and eats it, takes the princess home as a slave, loots the castle and burns it down before he leaves.

DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, kills the princess, then leaves.

DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits
suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well.

PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist goes to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "POWER METAL" protagonist.

GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

INDUSTRIAL METAL: The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of
fairy tale land by security guards.

CHRISTIAN METAL: The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus
loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."