SHOOT ME PLEASE
User Rating: 4 | Monkey Magic PS
Dear Merciful God.. I almost can't think of words to describe how terrible this 2D, rancid, piece of poorly designed crap is. Where to begin. Well you play as a monkey....named Kongo..that has to save the universe...from Darth Void?????? ****ing hell. What is this? My first impressions of Kongo were that he popped acid, smoked weed, sucked helium, and had anal pleasure with some other monkey on FLOWER FRUIT ISLAND. This might explain his redish loopy eyes, and his obnoxiously high voice. You have a side kick that literally says (in a cut scene that contains talking images)" You have to learn the ways of a kung foo master in order to save the universe from darth void" Words can not describe how badly I wanted to rip that bats voice box out, shove it through his head, and rip it out his @$$. Ughh.. You collect fruit that acts as health. And your lives are horny looking monkey heads. And every friggin time you collect a life, which is really every 2 minutes, you hear a chorus of stereotypically sounding, black, church choir women yell "MONNNNKKAAAAYYYYYY!!" My jaw hit the floor after the first time. Imagine 5 million more times throughout 25 more levels. The environments look muggy and boring, and the story is fit to burst from all the irritating cliches seeping out of its rank bung hole. I am disgusted and forever traumatized that this game and its memory have not been moistly wiped clean from the face of the earth. I know now that if I went to hell after death, Satan would make me play this game while sniffing Holly Hunters rancid, redneck armpits. This isn't a game, its just another hemorrhoid on the Playstation that will never disappear.
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