My name is Hu and I am an alcoholic.
"Hi Hu"
"Hu, since it's your first time here why don't you go ahead and tell everybody how you got here."
Well, ok, it all started in 1989. My friend Chu Robbins and I were just out of college looking for jobs and he suggested that we create a video game because he said it was the new hot fad. He had learned of a way to create Nintendo games without obtaining their permission first. It was a bit shady, but we were desperate. Anyway, the game was going to be great, it was going to be called The Hu and Chu bros and feature epic, non-linear level designs, interactive cut scenes, and self-scaling difficulty. Unfortunately, neither Chu nor I had the coding or design skills to match our ambition, and as the days went on, it became more and more obvious that the game we were making was not shaping up the way we had imagined. Rather than giant, intricate levels, our levels were two screens wide and the player had to collect yin yang signs to advance levels. Frankly, I had no idea what the story of the game was, or even what most of the enemies were supposed to be. Chu was taking a lot of drugs at the time and he designed those things. Then there were the bosses, who displayed basically no AI and a player would beat just by jumping around them. And the music… oh yes the music, it basically just looped around constantly. Chu would make me test the game constantly and well… I guess it just started to get to me after a while… I just blew up at Chu, I told him he should give up, I told him I didn't want anything to do with his awful game anymore and I asked for my investment back. And, well, Chu didn't take it to well.
"Go on Hu, remember, this is a safe space"
Chu and I had a falling out. He refused to give me my money back. He said we'd already gone over budget. Then, he released the game in its extremely unpolished state and didn't give me any cut of the meager revenues. To add insult to injury, he changed the name of the game from the Hu and Chu Bros to Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu, knowing full well that my family has a history of alcoholism. And well, I guess it just became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had lost all my money on this game, my best friend hated me, and now I had this awful game calling me a drunkard. So I had basically nothing left to do and I started visiting bars, a lot. And now, nearly 20 years later, I've come to get my life in order. Alright, I've talked probably way longer than I meant to, but I just have one more thing I want to say. For any of you out there who spent their hard earned money on the boring and poorly designed Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu, I deeply apologize and if it makes you feel any better, the game had a far worse effect on my life than it did on yours,