The first "Ouro - Boros" review, and it's a complete pile of crap!!!
So the idea is Ouro will review the game straight, while Boros gets wasted on booze in a drinking game during his review, because Boros needs it.
Yay, Ouro gets to start the show! Now, I researched this a little. Apparently, Hudson, the main team behind the Mario Party series, quit in mid-development due to arguments with nintendo. So, naturally, I expected this to be a tad lack-luster due to that fact. However, being the optimist that I am, I am willing to give it a chance.
Now it's Boros, and as we start this thing, I'm not feeling too bad about this. The graphics are remenisent to Mario Galaxy. So maybe this won't be so bad. Toad: "Hi everybody! I'm going to teach you how to play the game!" ... Oh my god this is going to suck. *takes a shot* Yes if the gimmicks weren't bad enough, you have Toad telling you the bleeding obvious. Two more problems I notice right away are the NSMB set up, which means that you're just moving to the end of the stage, and the fact that your moving all together, which cuts down on competitiveness. *takes 2 shots* God damn it! If we continue at this pace, I'm going to die.
Ouro wishes to to take a comment of Boros's a step further. When he says the yellow toad states the obvious, HE MEANS IT! Seriously, the guy tells you when the "mini-stars" you're trying to collect are right in front of you, as if he expects you to be a 2-year old. Yes, I know this is a family-oriented game, but wait, I said "FAMILY" as in it shouldn't be like watching Sesame Street! Seriously, I can see it now "you're just 2, 2 spaces from the goal! Yeah ha ha!" Oh, and the "mini-stars" you are all you're collecting. That's it. no coins, just "min-stars." At least the plot explains why . . . Bowser decided to steal the stars. Y'know, the ones in the night sky? Yeeeahhhh . . .
Boros's turn, and actually yes. The story is one of the most retarded thing's I've ever heard. Bowser stole all of the stars, in the sky. Really? Where was Rosalina on that one? Shes supposed to be the protector of the night sky, right? Was she just asleep while Boswer made off with the stars, meaning Rosalina failed at the one f@%ing job she had. My god *shakes head* *takes shot* Also, I wanted to talk about the fact that there are no coins or stars, just "min-stars", which form into a regular star at the end of the "party", kind of a allegory for Mario Party as a whole, this game has significantly less value than all the others. *takes shot*
Ouro is up again. Now, usually, the boards are somewhat interesting, However, this time, like in a classic fashion. It's " grassy hills, watery beaches, haunted houses, and volcanoes"... not even the names of the boards are interesting. "Toad Road", Woo, it rhymes, how clever. Seriously, just call it "W-1 board" and stop deluding yourselves, or insulting us... The others are also 2 words that try to alliteration or rhyme, and it's all in bad taste. Such bad taste I wanna wash it out with alcohol myself, but I have tea.
It's Boros's turn again, and while all o f the stages can get stupid in name, I WILL say that at least they more variety in what they play like than say Mario Party 4. However, they all seem to run on stupid gimmicky bulls#!t. Granted this is a series that was made on stupid gimmicky bulls#!t, but sometimes in this one the stages do more damage than the damned Bowser spaces. Like in the lava stage when the lava actually attacks making yo lose stuff. *takes a shot* Also in the bomb level, the bob omb on the kart will explode taking out who's ever turn it was at the time, making them lose half off the mini-stars. *takes a sh!t, I mean shot* It's noteworthy to mention that i'm starting to feel sick now all of the sudden. I think the booze is finally hitting me. Half the damned bottle is gone and we haven't even made it to the 2nd f@%king board yet.
Ouro loves min-games, they can break the flow of the game in a good way, make it more immersive in RPG if it's like a casino. In mario party's case, it, made it unpredictable fun! You never knew what would happen when every one rolled the dice, and we got a chance to win coins. Mario Party 9... You have to land on the space. It makes it feel more like a board game and not an video game, it becomes more mundane. Oh, and it's incredibly rare to land on 2v2 or heaven forbid 1v3 mini-games, so good luck unlocking them all. Wow, this game is becoming less and less fun... at least Boros is laughing at the idiocy of it all.
Wow, are these minigames bad. It's, Boros again, and it says 80 new minigames, but if you cut out all of the copies of old mini games and copies of games form itself , it would probably be about 10 minigame number. you have to land on the 2v2 and 1v3 spaces to use those specific game types, and most of the damned games just involve selecting s#!t that's correct. It's like playing price is right or something. *takes 2 shots* They also brought back the damned monkey game from Mario Party 8. You know the one where the monkey has to climb up a pole and you have to turn the wiimote to get him up without hitting spikes that are falling down. *takes a shot* Speaking of the damned motion controls, they are completely ass. Thought to be fair that might be because of this obnoxious drinking game and the fact that i have lost the ability you even stand up straight. It seems like most of the minigames are motion controlled through, an even back when i was sober they still didn't feel responsive. *takes a shot* Wow, I feel drunked right now. I think the game is drinking me under the table... ...*takes a shot*
Now for the nail in Ouro's coffin, the bowser board. Classic lava place right? NO! WE get to go to... are you ready for it? SPAAAAACE! SPACE SPACE WE GET TO GO TO SPACE FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME! OH MARIO GALAXY GRAPHICS SO IT MAKES SENSE? dON'T CARE!!! iS IT aT LeAST HaRD? noooOOOoOOOOOooO!!! iTS A CIRCLE!! THATS RIGHT, THE VILLAIN HAS YOU JUMP IN kIRbY'S TRICKeD-OuT WARPsTAR AND YOU GO iN a CIRCLE LiKE ITs MArio KArt!!! iF I WANTED TO PLAY MARIO KART IT'D PUT THAT IN!!!!!!! OhhhHHHh AND THE BOWSER bOss? hE GETS BIG! hP IS 1/2 DOWN? HE GETS BIGGER!!! OMG STOP USING THE MUSH-ROIDS THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT HELPING IF THIS IS THE 25TH TIME AND YOU STILL LOST!!!! shhhhhhhAAAAAHHHH I WANNA CLAW SOMEONE'S EYES OUT MINE HAVE ALREADY BLED DRY!!!!
Borshs turn and I guess iv;e gotta finnish eit because Oruo s; si crying tin the bathrooom about what a piece aof ass gravy this gamei s. Either the bozze or the game is giving me diarehhsa. With horrible controls, bad board designs eschoic, reusesd ideas on minigames, boards, bosses, insulting obvioudlness, and a big f@%k ton of toher things, this game is one of the worst ive ever played, and if not for the booxz e, id a killed mysleff. It's a s#!t storms from start to finish. I olny recommend thi gam e if you had asn very recent lobotomt e. Now, I thingkd Im gonna go lay down bfeor i puke.
Ouro score: 0 / 10
Boros score: booze / 10