Dear concerned gamer,
I acknowledge your concern over the matter and am eager to assist you in discovering the the instigator of this occurrence. Since inanimate objects acting as if they have a life of their own is often a sign or harbinger of poltergeists, immediately contact your nearest exorcist. If you do not have any contact information for an exorcist, I advise that you temporarily remove yourself from your home. Poltergeists can often become violent. This is simply for your protection.
In the event that this is not a poltergeist, I further advise you to ensure that there is not a psychotic man living within your home without your knowing. People whose minds have become handicapped, deranged, damaged or altered in any form will often have a bizarre tendency to play games with their host while they silently stalk them within the confines of their own home.
Please keep in mind that these are mere possibilities. Keep both your mind and eyes upon further investigation, as you may never know what might be the cause of this phenomenon. Thank you, and good luck in your future endeavors!
/Read that in the automated voice from the beginning of Portal 2.
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