Top Ten Good Things About Our New Depression
By Ken Layne
Mar 23rd 2008 7:25PM
Filed Under:eBush Administration, Economy, Ron Paul, Ken Layne's Outrage
According to the same financial experts who didn't manage to predict the current housing crash/credit crunch recession, the next step in this miserable process will be a full-blown Great Depression.
There are many causes for our new national nightmare, and it's no more fair to say "George W. Bush personally caused the entire catastrophe and ruined America forever" than it's fair to say "George W. Bush personally piloted those jets into the World Trade Center and Pentagon."
The important thing is to prepare for your new life during the New Great Depression, which will probably last at least a dozen years and end with the United States being one of the world's poorest, most-backward nations. But there's a bright side, too!
1. Hunger is a great way to lose weight. Unless you live in some fancy rich place like Manhattan or Santa Monica, you are probably surrounded by fat people. You may even need to lose a bit of weight yourself. Well, dieting is about to get a lot easier! When you have no money for food -- not even Nachos or Pepsi -- you'll be amazed how fast your waist size shrinks.
2. Cut your commute by losing your job. Sick of sitting in traffic for hours every day? Soon we'll all lose our jobs, and the days will suddenly be nothing but relaxation. You'll be amazed how much money you save by simply staying home. There's no need for costly corporate clothes -- not even "business casual" -- and no need to blow $10 a day at that lousy little deli in the office park.
3. Who cares if gas costs $10 a gallon? Through the miracle of unemployment, you'll also save a fortune in gasoline and car maintenance and parking fees and the toll-road pass and Books On Tape and other modern horrors. During the 1930s Great Depression, families could afford to enjoy nice Sunday drives -- often to look and laugh at "Open Houses" -- because it was the only time they used the car at all.
4. And that means healthier air to breathe. Guess what causes all that pollution and the global warming and the greenhouse and whatever? Economic activity, that's what! Now that you've got plenty of time, take a walk out to the woods and watch the squirrels -- it's easy, now that you're fit and relaxed. Those squirrels just screw around all day long, eating whatever falls off the tree, and it doesn't mess up the environment at all. That's what you are now, basically: a benignly useless squirrel.
5. Ron Paul supporters will magically vanish. Tired of those angry Ron Paul people always messing up the Internet and putting their dumb "Re-LOVE-ution" signs everywhere? As soon as they're hungry and cold, they'll be begging the federal government for every kind of assistance. For fun, at the bread line or soup kitchen, yell out "Go Ron Paul!" Everybody will be too weak and hungry to hit you.
6. No more idiot fashions. Sick of suburban goth kids and tattoo-covered store clerks and "bling bling" and American Apparel? We all are. But as the malls close down and the money dries up, "fashion" will be replaced with "the need for some kind of garment." Our formerly fat people will be able to make several plain sets of work clothes from their muu-muus and giant shorts, and only the occasional bit of a "Sean Paul" logo on a farmer's overalls will offer any clue of the embarrassing consumer era that ended for good in 2008.
7. We can't really afford 10 items on this list, so that's it. Remember to stock up on dry beans and canned vegetables!
Ken Layne is currently the editor of Wonkette, but he'll see you all this coming fall on the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
http://news.aol.com/political-machin...at-depression/
dont tell me that i didn't warned you.
2008 is the end game for this planet and the universe.
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