Tell me a JOKE!!!

the toronto maple leafs are like a tampon, they are only good for one period.OfficialBed

Oh snap!

[QUOTE="OfficialBed"]the toronto maple leafs are like a tampon, they are only good for one period.nintendorocks

Oh snap!

agreed! that was hilarious!

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets released from a battered women's shelter?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

*long ass joke*
ElZilcho90

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

[QUOTE="ElZilcho90"]*long ass joke*
needled24-7

You know you've told it well when you get death threats.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Fortier

:lol:

I've got a new joke to tell!

ScientologyFrostyPhantasm

thats the funniest

You're adopted and no one loves you. :lol:

You're adopted and no one loves you. :lol:

FlaminDeath

.

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

*a really long joke*
ElZilcho90

Noooo! I hae you.

[QUOTE="ElZilcho90"] *a really long joke*
nintendorocks

Noooo! I hae you.

I lovesh you too. :oops:

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

blooddemon666

what if the woman was in the street?

[QUOTE="needled24-7"][QUOTE="ElZilcho90"]*long ass joke*
ElZilcho90

You know you've told it well when you get death threats.

That was an awesome joke. I was in so much suspense.

[QUOTE="blooddemon666"]

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

justin4444

what if the woman was in the street?

Then the joke isn't funny. :|

[QUOTE="blooddemon666"]

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

justin4444

what if the woman was in the street?

apparently you don't understand the humor in it V___V

[QUOTE="blooddemon666"]

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

justin4444

what if the woman was in the street?

Then she should have been in the kitchen.

[QUOTE="blooddemon666"]

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

justin4444

what if the woman was in the street?

Joke
ElZilcho90

[QUOTE="justin4444"][QUOTE="blooddemon666"]

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

nintendorocks

what if the woman was in the street?

Then she should have been in the kitchen.

[QUOTE="blooddemon666"]

If a man runs over a woman in a car, who's fault is it?

His, what the hell was he doing driving in the kitchen?

justin4444

what if the woman was in the street?

Sir, I will have none of this popcockery on my interwebs!

[QUOTE="ElZilcho90"]

[QUOTE="needled24-7"][QUOTE="ElZilcho90"]*long ass joke*
blackngold29

You know you've told it well when you get death threats.

That was an awesome joke. I was in so much suspense.

Link.

It is really long to post here

Link.

It is really long to post here

pintabear49blue

That's like an entire book dude. Is it worth reading?

[QUOTE="pintabear49blue"]

Link.

It is really long to post here

blackngold29

That's like an entire book dude. Is it worth reading?

Not really. It is really pointless like the other joke about the ping pong balls.

[QUOTE="pintabear49blue"]

Link.

It is really long to post here

blackngold29

That's like an entire book dude. Is it worth reading?

After what ELZ did, I wouldn't trust it...

[QUOTE="blackngold29"][QUOTE="pintabear49blue"]

Link.

It is really long to post here

ElArab

That's like an entire book dude. Is it worth reading?

After what ELZ did, I wouldn't trust it...

:D

ELZ?... I likes.

Really long joke...
ElZilcho90

Oh my GOD. You just gave me and every other reader THE MIDDLE FINGER at the end of that. lmao

I hate you! *runs away crying*

Bungie jumping is like getting head from an ugly chick. Its always fun until you look down:P

-OpaK-

:lol:

Here's a quick one:

Man: Hey bartender, give me your best scotch!

*Bartender gives the man scotch until he stops asking for it and the guy is totally wasted*

Man: Wow, I don't know what was in that but..I...I ....I think I can fly!!!

The man thinks he can fly, and starts charging towards this glass window, jumps through it, glass shatters everywhere, but...the man is just floating in mid-air!!!!

Another man is astonished and says "GIVE ME WHAT HE JUST HAD!!!!"

The Man takes a shot, and then jumps out the same window, and plummets to his death

The Bartender says to the floating man "Superman you are such an a-hole sometimes...."

Here's a quick one:

Man: Hey bartender, give me your best scotch!

*Bartender gives the man scotch until he stops asking for it and the guy is totally wasted*

Man: Wow, I don't know what was in that but..I...I ....I think I can fly!!!

The man thinks he can fly, and starts charging towards this glass window, jumps through it, glass shatters everywhere, but...the man is just floating in mid-air!!!!

Another man is astonished and says "GIVE ME WHAT HE JUST HAD!!!!"

The Man takes a shot, and then jumps out the same window, and plummets to his death

The Bartender says to the floating man "Superman you are such an a-hole sometimes...."

ElArab

hilarious.

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.

blackngold29

"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"

"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"