Managing addiction versus abstaining

This topic is locked from further discussion.

Avatar image for JustPlainLucas
JustPlainLucas

80441

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 226

User Lists: 0

#1  Edited By JustPlainLucas
Member since 2002 • 80441 Posts

Now, I really don't want to get into the argument of whether video game addiction can be considered an actual addiction. I'd like to think that anything can be addictive and addictions affect people differently. Moving on...

So, I've had an ongoing issue with being addicted to MMOs, mainly Final Fantasy XI and XIV. XI I had kicked years ago, before FFXIV came out, but when FFXIV did come out, I got addicted to it twice. It wasn't a kind of addictive behavior that cost me a job or anything, but something that took up all my free time. I wasn't getting anything else played and wasn't getting any reading done. I would just come home from work, log onto FXIV and play while I watched Netflix until it was time to go to bed.

I quit last year, and then somehow, the itch to play the game came back at the beginning of the week. I redownloaded it, bought Stormblood and reactivated my account and before I knew it, I'm playing again. But, I'm at least controlling my play time. On one of my days off, I only played it for about four hours, and it was split sessions. The rest of the days, I only played it for about an hour to two hours at night. I made sure I had some playtime with other games and did reading as well.

I know I shouldn't be playing the game again at all, and really did contemplate deleting the game last night, but I just dropped 40 dollars on Stormblood and 77 on a sub, and the thought of all that money going down the drain really bothered me. I just wanted to chalk it up as a loss and penalize myself for being so stupid as to play it again knowing my previous history with the genre. But I've been challenging myself with my eating habits and have actually had great success with my willpower in that area. I thought I'd see if I could apply that willpower to Final Fantasy XIV and manage my playtime.

I HOPE that I'll be successful and won't let the game control all my free time again. Am I rationalizing, though? Am I just fooling myself? Am I going to succumb to the same bad habits in the past where nothing else is getting done? (I'd even play so much, I'd forget to pay my bills... *whistles*)

Have you had problems with addiction (any addiction)? Were you able to manage it or did you just completly abstain? Which did you find harder?

Avatar image for Sam3231
Sam3231

2915

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 292

User Lists: 0

#2 Sam3231
Member since 2008 • 2915 Posts

I don't like the word addiction. It implies my compulsive behavior is somehow bad!

Rationalizing it is not the answer. But neither is feeling guilty. I think everyone has to just accept in life they make choices. aforementioned choices have consequences, experiencing said consequences help us make better decisions in the future.

Avatar image for mrbojangles25
mrbojangles25

58103

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 11

User Lists: 0

#3  Edited By mrbojangles25
Member since 2005 • 58103 Posts

Yeah I'm kind of in the same boat. I work 50-80 hours a week at a pretty intense job, and outside of sleeping and eating I pretty much come home and just play games 'til I fall asleep. I socialize maybe once or twice a month, but that's just so people don't think I'm a weirdo and to maintain contact with people :P

I find that it's actually lessening how much I enjoy games because A.) I tend to buy more games and spend less time with one game I like, and B.) my game sessions are not as fulfilling as they used to be.

I often consider limiting myself to something, maybe no games on the weekend so I force myself to be productive on my days off (otherwise I just sit on my ass for like 10 hours), but at the same time I still enjoy games.

And it's not just games, it's computer use in general. Games, Gamespot, music, internet, porn...just too much time. I think a lot of people would call it an addiction as it would fill the qualifications, but I can go/have gone weeks without it so I don't know.

I don't know, I think of my "ideal self" and he is someone who works out at least one hour a day, reads at least one book per week, is comfortable going downtown and chatting with friends and even knows some bartenders, practices molecular gastronomy (as a hobby) and cooks more fancily, goes for a hike on his weekends, does some volunteer work on the weekends...all that is completely within my reach and easily, but computer use is just getting in my way.

Oi, that turned into quite the rant/confessional.

Anyone tried hypnotherapy?

Avatar image for JustPlainLucas
JustPlainLucas

80441

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 226

User Lists: 0

#4 JustPlainLucas
Member since 2002 • 80441 Posts

@mrbojangles25 said:

Yeah I'm kind of in the same boat. I work 50-80 hours a week at a pretty intense job, and outside of sleeping and eating I pretty much come home and just play games 'til I fall asleep. I socialize maybe once or twice a month, but that's just so people don't think I'm a weirdo and to maintain contact with people :P

I find that it's actually lessening how much I enjoy games because A.) I tend to buy more games and spend less time with one game I like, and B.) my game sessions are not as fulfilling as they used to be.

I often consider limiting myself to something, maybe no games on the weekend so I force myself to be productive on my days off (otherwise I just sit on my ass for like 10 hours), but at the same time I still enjoy games.

And it's not just games, it's computer use in general. Games, Gamespot, music, internet, porn...just too much time. I think a lot of people would call it an addiction as it would fill the qualifications, but I can go/have gone weeks without it so I don't know.

I don't know, I think of my "ideal self" and he is someone who works out at least one hour a day, reads at least one book per week, is comfortable going downtown and chatting with friends and even knows some bartenders, practices molecular gastronomy (as a hobby) and cooks more fancily, goes for a hike on his weekends, does some volunteer work on the weekends...all that is completely within my reach and easily, but computer use is just getting in my way.

Oi, that turned into quite the rant/confessional.

Anyone tried hypnotherapy?

Yeah, I only work 40 hours myself, but I'm always gaming and I feel that around this time with all the new games coming out, it actually makes me enjoy them less, because I'm trying to power through one in order to play the next and stay current.

And no, I don't believe in hypnotherapy.

Avatar image for deactivated-5b173a489ba56
deactivated-5b173a489ba56

367

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#5  Edited By deactivated-5b173a489ba56
Member since 2017 • 367 Posts

People taper off drug addictions with methadone. At least I think that's what it's used for. I'm not sure if tapering works with digital addictions though. It's probably better to just abstain.

Of course that's easier said than done. Especially with social media or porn.

Avatar image for AlbedoSnake
AlbedoSnake

10386

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#6 AlbedoSnake
Member since 2003 • 10386 Posts

I'm just here to say I'm amazed that you still frequent these boards, and that you're at over 77,000 posts now.

Avatar image for deactivated-5b173a489ba56
deactivated-5b173a489ba56

367

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#7 deactivated-5b173a489ba56
Member since 2017 • 367 Posts

I went for a week without porn a few years ago. I was miserable. Clearly I have a problem. :/

Avatar image for with_teeth26
with_teeth26

11511

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 43

User Lists: 1

#8 with_teeth26
Member since 2007 • 11511 Posts

My general feeling is that it is possible to become addicted to individual games, but not necessarily video games in general.

I don't ever really get cravings like "oh, I need to play some video games"

its more, "man, I really feel like playing some pubg" or something more specific.

I feel a general internet addiction is more insidious - the hours wasted just clicking through various websites, watching random youtube videos etc. You can spent hours doing that shit and its pretty unfulfilling and meaningless 90% of the time.

Avatar image for thereal25
thereal25

2074

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 7

User Lists: 0

#9 thereal25
Member since 2011 • 2074 Posts

Okay I'll throw in my 2 cents:

I see people here judging themselves - as if anyone cares about your "image"...

Just do what you enjoy

Avatar image for popgotcha
PopGotcha

716

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 0

#10 PopGotcha
Member since 2016 • 716 Posts

I went through something similar around Modern Warfare 2 times. I would do school, literally walk in the door and play COD 430 until dinner, quickly do the dishes and the play until midnight. I drove myself to exhaustion as I wasn't getting proper sleep, going to bed full of energy as I wasn't doing enough to

A) Stimulate my mind and
B) Burn energy with exercise

It effected my grades big time, so my parents took away my controller and power cable for the PS3. Boy am I glad they did that

I've never gone through anything like that again. It genuinely felt like COD was the only thing I could enjoy, so I played as much as I could when I could. It was a weird, uncomfortable and not a nice experience

Avatar image for demi0227_basic
demi0227_basic

1940

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

#11 demi0227_basic
Member since 2002 • 1940 Posts

In honor of Bob Sagat; You are addicted to video games? Ever sucked $#@* for video games? I've sucked (*&^ for coke!

Jokes aside...we all have our addictions. What makes them bad, in terms of games or other leisure activities, is how much more you could have become without them taking up so much of your time. Where hardcore D might ruin you from it's effects, the lack of self improvement is what too much gaming can do. So they are vastly different. It all depends on what you want out of your life.

I love herb...you know what I mean. Other than that, I game as a hobby when I have free time. But I don't even game out everyday, let alone for hours on end.

Find a good balance man...take care of your' body, health, and family (social). Then game when you can. That's my advice.

Avatar image for JustPlainLucas
JustPlainLucas

80441

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 226

User Lists: 0

#12 JustPlainLucas
Member since 2002 • 80441 Posts

@stormcast said:

People taper off drug addictions with methadone. At least I think that's what it's used for. I'm not sure if tapering works with digital addictions though. It's probably better to just abstain.

Of course that's easier said than done. Especially with social media or porn.

Definitely easier than done, or I wouldn't have started FFXIV up again. :P

@AlbedoSnake said:

I'm just here to say I'm amazed that you still frequent these boards, and that you're at over 77,000 posts now.

Hey! Nice to see you again! Yeah, I don't really know why I'm still here, since it's died down so much. I'm surprised that my post count is even that high. Had activity been like the old days, I could have easily been over 100k.

@with_teeth26 said:

My general feeling is that it is possible to become addicted to individual games, but not necessarily video games in general.

I don't ever really get cravings like "oh, I need to play some video games"

its more, "man, I really feel like playing some pubg" or something more specific.

I feel a general internet addiction is more insidious - the hours wasted just clicking through various websites, watching random youtube videos etc. You can spent hours doing that shit and its pretty unfulfilling and meaningless 90% of the time.

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm addicted to gaming. I could easily go a day without gaming because I would read or do something else instead. MMOs for me are the ones that make it hard to fight the craving.

Avatar image for plageus900
plageus900

3065

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#13 plageus900
Member since 2013 • 3065 Posts

@JustPlainLucas:

Do you have a family? Is it affecting them? If your responsibilities aren't suffering (bills, work, home, etc.) then I don't see the problem. People that read during all of their free time aren't seen as having an addiction, so why should gaming be?

Avatar image for JustPlainLucas
JustPlainLucas

80441

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 226

User Lists: 0

#14 JustPlainLucas
Member since 2002 • 80441 Posts

@plageus900 said:

@JustPlainLucas:

Do you have a family? Is it affecting them? If your responsibilities aren't suffering (bills, work, home, etc.) then I don't see the problem. People that read during all of their free time aren't seen as having an addiction, so why should gaming be?

That really is a good point. I still do stuff with family. Still have a job. Bills paid. I guess I only really consider it a problem because when I got in deep with this game, my other hobbies suffered. Movies would go unwatched. Books went unread. Games went unplayed. Everything began piling up.

Avatar image for plageus900
plageus900

3065

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#15 plageus900
Member since 2013 • 3065 Posts

@JustPlainLucas:

I think all of that is okay. When you focus on one hobby, your others usually take a back seat.

Avatar image for foxhound_fox
foxhound_fox

98532

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 13

User Lists: 0

#16 foxhound_fox
Member since 2005 • 98532 Posts

I'd say it would be a "problem" if it were impacting your daily life outside of your free time. If you are still capable of breaking free to go to bed, and getting up and going to work, I wouldn't call it an addiction. I'm playing StarCraft II right now exclusively and have been in my free time for the past month or so. Just because it's the only thing I play doesn't make it an addiction.

Avatar image for schu
schu

10191

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

#17  Edited By schu
Member since 2003 • 10191 Posts

If you're this concerned about it then imo it's an addiction. You are probably neglecting a variety of potential skills or hobbies that will make you a more rounded person. I had to quit playing certain types of games so that I could pursue other things. People hooked on games will try to argue, but only you yourself know what else might interest you that you are neglecting.

Avatar image for Serraph105
Serraph105

36038

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#18 Serraph105
Member since 2007 • 36038 Posts

I don't know about managing any addictions. Worst thing I do really is have a small glass of bourbon a few nights a week.

As for video games I don't play much any more. I have an Xbox 360, and a Wii, and I even have a small stack of games I picked out recently that I never finished that I want to finish one day. That said I rarely actually play games, and the thought that stops me is that I usually don't feel great when I'm done. Instead I end up thinking about the things I could have accomplished or worked towards accomplishing in the real world and I get upset. That's what I normally think now before I start playing video games and I usually never turn them on.

Avatar image for junglist101
junglist101

5517

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#19 junglist101
Member since 2007 • 5517 Posts

I entered this thread thinking I was gonna give drug advice. Anyhow, in the realm of addiction I'd give this a 1/10. Sounds like you are way over analyzing this. Instead of committing to not playing you should commit some time to doing something else. Sounds like you're just bored.

Avatar image for Mercenary848
Mercenary848

12139

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#20 Mercenary848
Member since 2007 • 12139 Posts

I have a lot of friend who became addicted to the FF MMO as well. My buddy just had to force himself away from it. No talking about it, no imagery, and replace it.

Avatar image for davillain
DaVillain

55821

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#21 DaVillain  Moderator
Member since 2014 • 55821 Posts

I been gaming since 1993, I never get tired of playing games nor I'm addicted to gaming and it's part of my hobbies life as it is. I wouldn't put video games as an addiction, it only becomes an addiction if you let it happen to yourself shielding outside life activities like adult responsibilities and such. The only thing I can say is, make a schedule on what days to play games and what other days to do something else. Take vacations, go hang with friends and never play video games on a single day.

For me, the only addiction I really have is Sex Addiction. I just can't go a single day without having sex and that right there I'm trying to get out of that habit.

Avatar image for commander
commander

16217

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 11

User Lists: 0

#22  Edited By commander
Member since 2010 • 16217 Posts

@JustPlainLucas:

As someone that has compulsive properties in his personality, I always found the term addiction a bit misleading because not everyone wants the same things. To some people the adverse consequences of certain habits/addictions is the price they're willing to pay. Because in most cases, we have only become addicted to something because we liked it.

It's not always the case though, for some people the negative consequences of certain addictions are much worse than they initially thought and in a lot of cases people that are addicted have forgotten what it's like to not be addicted.

Games is not an easy one, but it's far from the hardest one, it's not a very unhealty one either. There's enough other stuff to do but you have to ask yourself this, is what you're going to do worse than gaming? because if that's the case, you might as well keep on gaming, especially if you feel ok with it. Quitting something just for the sake of it is only good the first time, because then you realize how hard it is to come off it, and how life is without it. After that you're just hurting yourself for no reason.

Still, you do have to keep your addictions manageable, and then they become more of a habit than an addiction. If you feel like shit most of the time because you overdid it, then you need to intervene and abstain as much as needed. If you notice you can't handle it, you need to abstain more and that can be to the point that you need to abstain completely.If the stimuli is so powerfull you can't handle even a single encounter, then you have no other choice.

There is a positive side to this though, you will forget the effects of the stimuli you abstained from and the craving will fade away over time. Sometimes immediate complete abstination and medical treatment is needed (which could even be the case with a game addiction)

Avatar image for theone86
theone86

22669

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#23 theone86
Member since 2003 • 22669 Posts

In my personal experience addiction isn't a disease, it's a symptom. I just wandered in here on a whim to see what was going on in my old stomping grounds, and I decided to post something for the first time in over three years. A little more than two years ago I went totally dark online-no facebook, no forums, nothing-but I didn't just go dark online. I had a case of severe agoraphobia, I didn't leave my house for about eight months straight. When I finally did leave my house I was a wreck. I would run out of breath walking around the block, my muscles were completely atrophied, I would come home after ten minutes sweating, sore all over, and with blistered feet. A few months before I shut myself in, though, I wasn't doing great either. I was skipping meals, missing classes, neglecting my homework, and doing a hell of a lot of binge watching, usually while getting a bit drunk. I think most people who saw what I was doing would have said the same thing the OP did about video games, that I was addicted to streaming. The truth, though, is that I wasn't.

There's this one study on addiction that really stands out to me. A team of researchers created two different mouse habitats. The first one was a mouse paradise-tons of different things to play with, activity wheels, climbing tunnels, good food, the works. The second was bland, barren, and had very little to stimulate the mice. Both groups of mice were addicted to cocaine and put in their respective colonies, each with two different sources of water. The first was ordinary water, the second was laced with cocaine. The mice in the nice colony were just as likely to drink the cocaine water as the ordinary water, the results were sufficiently random. The ones in the dreary colony, however, went straight for the cocaine water. The takeaway here is that addiction isn't just some character flaw, it's something that happens to people who aren't stimulated or happy, they search for something to fill that void of whatever is missing in their lives.

When I shut myself in I kept binge watching, it's about the only thing I did do. I knew I shouldn't, I knew I should have picked myself up and tried to get on with my life, but I couldn't. Everything seemed impossibly hard, every possibility I considered seemed destined for failure. Watching shows just made me feel good, it was about the only thing left in my life that made me feel good. I think my family would say that it was a crutch, that they should have somehow forced me to stop, but I honestly don't know if I could have gone on without it. When literally everything in my life seemed to be falling apart with no hope for it to get better, shows gave me that little bit of pleasure I needed to keep going. Not long after I started to heal I moved into an apartment and met one of the most beautiful souls I've ever known. She was dealing with some pretty intense problems of her own. Long story short, she tried to blame me for her own self-destructive behavior. Feeling like I was responsible for that was the singular most painful thing I have ever felt, bar none. I don't think I can ever forgive her for it, but I understand it. It was what she needed at the time, it gave her the sense of control she needed to keep going. Most people want to tell you the way out of destructive behavior is to stop, to get you away from it as soon as possible, but they're wrong. Sometimes the only way out of it is to keep going straight through it, to keep doing it until you're at a point where you're ready to stop. It sucks and you end up wondering if you couldn't get to where you are without losing everything you did, but in the end where you are now is exactly where you need to be.

The good news, TC, is that you've been through that. You've done the hard part, you've waded through the waist-deep crap, and you've come out the other side. Pat yourself on the back, because it's not easy and not everyone does. I know that some people are scoffing because it's only video games and they think you should have just put the controller down, but you and I know better. It might even be worse because, as you were sitting there probably calling yourself a piece of crap for doing what you were doing and not understanding why you couldn't stop, everyone else was asking you why you couldn't just stop and feeding your already substantial feelings of self-loathing. Bob Saget may have sucked #&$@ for coke, but at least people understood his addiction.

Now the bad news, your work isn't over yet. Stopping is the first step, learning to move on is a whole different beast. Like I said, addiction is a symptom, not a disease. My guess is that you dove into video games because you were unfulfilled. Do you know why video games are so appealing to people like us? Because they reward us. Do something good at your job and at best you get a canned thank you, at worst you're ignored or someone else takes credit for it. Do something good in video games and you get actual, tangible benefits. Not to mention that you were immersed in an MMO and might have fulfilled a craving for social attention that was going unfulfilled in real life. You're not going to necessarily relapse. When I quit drinking I actually hadn't done so destructively for quite a long time. I would typically have between one and four drinks per sitting, and mixology was becoming a very fulfilling hobby of mine. The question you have to ask yourself is are you fulfilled? Can you find enjoyment in your everyday life, do you look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and think "that was a good day"? If not, then you will constantly be at risk of relapsing, and you need to take positive steps towards making your life better. For me that meant working a hell of a lot, finding fulfillment in something outside of my addictions. You have to find your own remedy. Just know that if you do relapse, it's not because there's something wrong with you. It's not because you aren't capable of controlling yourself, it's not because you have a fatal character flaw, it's not because you're some hedonistic malcontent with no self-control. You can, and it sounds like you are, doing perfectly fine managing your playing time as it is. Nothing puts that more at risk, though, than thinking that you're incapable of change, that you're just a flawed individual. The worst part of what we go through is the self-doubt, and it's most pernicious when there's solid reasoning behind it. You just have to get over it. It's not easy, and it takes time, but at the end of the day that's all it is.

I used to think people were full of crap when they'd say "it gets better." Recently, though, I was rejected by someone I had a pretty serious thing for. As I was sitting in my apartment trying to deal with my feelings for the first time since quitting booze I started to think back to how I would have dealt with this before, I'm sure you can pretty easily guess. I actually used to keep two spare bottles of wine in my dorm room for just such occasions. Back then I honestly didn't think I was capable of handling rejection without drinking, I actually didn't think I was capable of handling any hardship without drinking. As I sat there thinking about how I used to be, I started bawling my eyes out because I realized I was going to be okay. Drinking had made me temporarily feel better, but it had never made me feel that before. For the first time in forever I felt like I was going to be okay. You'll get there too.

Hey, OT, good to be back.

Avatar image for Jacanuk
Jacanuk

20281

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 42

User Lists: 0

#24 Jacanuk
Member since 2011 • 20281 Posts

@JustPlainLucas: Only problem i see here is that you seem to have this guilt trip over playing a game you enjoy.

Work on that and don´t worry so much about other games, movies and books. All that matters is that you enjoy the time you do spend in a game.

And i don´t see any addiction here, you work, spend time with the family and pay your bills.

Avatar image for LJS9502_basic
LJS9502_basic

178793

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#25 LJS9502_basic
Member since 2003 • 178793 Posts

@Jacanuk said:

@JustPlainLucas: Only problem i see here is that you seem to have this guilt trip over playing a game you enjoy.

Work on that and don´t worry so much about other games, movies and books. All that matters is that you enjoy the time you do spend in a game.

And i don´t see any addiction here, you work, spend time with the family and pay your bills.

Not commenting on Lucas but many addicts work, spend time with families and pay bills. That does NOT negate an addiction.

Avatar image for Jacanuk
Jacanuk

20281

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 42

User Lists: 0

#26 Jacanuk
Member since 2011 • 20281 Posts

@LJS9502_basic: Ok. Did you see where i wrote “i do not see any addiction here”

And yes some addicts can be the same but it’s few compared to the ones where it ends up going completely wrong.

Avatar image for LJS9502_basic
LJS9502_basic

178793

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#27 LJS9502_basic
Member since 2003 • 178793 Posts

@Jacanuk said:

@LJS9502_basic: Ok. Did you see where i wrote “i do not see any addiction here”

And yes some addicts can be the same but it’s few compared to the ones where it ends up going completely wrong.

Once again selective reading. Read my response again.

Avatar image for Jacanuk
Jacanuk

20281

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 42

User Lists: 0

#28 Jacanuk
Member since 2011 • 20281 Posts

@LJS9502_basic said:
@Jacanuk said:

@LJS9502_basic: Ok. Did you see where i wrote “i do not see any addiction here”

And yes some addicts can be the same but it’s few compared to the ones where it ends up going completely wrong.

Once again selective reading. Read my response again.

Nah nothing selective, more like not used to those kind of normal comments from you.

But read it again and see your point.

Avatar image for JustPlainLucas
JustPlainLucas

80441

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 226

User Lists: 0

#29 JustPlainLucas
Member since 2002 • 80441 Posts

@theone86 said:

In my personal experience addiction isn't a disease, it's a symptom. I just wandered in here on a whim to see what was going on in my old stomping grounds, and I decided to post something for the first time in over three years. A little more than two years ago I went totally dark online-no facebook, no forums, nothing-but I didn't just go dark online. I had a case of severe agoraphobia, I didn't leave my house for about eight months straight. When I finally did leave my house I was a wreck. I would run out of breath walking around the block, my muscles were completely atrophied, I would come home after ten minutes sweating, sore all over, and with blistered feet. A few months before I shut myself in, though, I wasn't doing great either. I was skipping meals, missing classes, neglecting my homework, and doing a hell of a lot of binge watching, usually while getting a bit drunk. I think most people who saw what I was doing would have said the same thing the OP did about video games, that I was addicted to streaming. The truth, though, is that I wasn't.

There's this one study on addiction that really stands out to me. A team of researchers created two different mouse habitats. The first one was a mouse paradise-tons of different things to play with, activity wheels, climbing tunnels, good food, the works. The second was bland, barren, and had very little to stimulate the mice. Both groups of mice were addicted to cocaine and put in their respective colonies, each with two different sources of water. The first was ordinary water, the second was laced with cocaine. The mice in the nice colony were just as likely to drink the cocaine water as the ordinary water, the results were sufficiently random. The ones in the dreary colony, however, went straight for the cocaine water. The takeaway here is that addiction isn't just some character flaw, it's something that happens to people who aren't stimulated or happy, they search for something to fill that void of whatever is missing in their lives.

When I shut myself in I kept binge watching, it's about the only thing I did do. I knew I shouldn't, I knew I should have picked myself up and tried to get on with my life, but I couldn't. Everything seemed impossibly hard, every possibility I considered seemed destined for failure. Watching shows just made me feel good, it was about the only thing left in my life that made me feel good. I think my family would say that it was a crutch, that they should have somehow forced me to stop, but I honestly don't know if I could have gone on without it. When literally everything in my life seemed to be falling apart with no hope for it to get better, shows gave me that little bit of pleasure I needed to keep going. Not long after I started to heal I moved into an apartment and met one of the most beautiful souls I've ever known. She was dealing with some pretty intense problems of her own. Long story short, she tried to blame me for her own self-destructive behavior. Feeling like I was responsible for that was the singular most painful thing I have ever felt, bar none. I don't think I can ever forgive her for it, but I understand it. It was what she needed at the time, it gave her the sense of control she needed to keep going. Most people want to tell you the way out of destructive behavior is to stop, to get you away from it as soon as possible, but they're wrong. Sometimes the only way out of it is to keep going straight through it, to keep doing it until you're at a point where you're ready to stop. It sucks and you end up wondering if you couldn't get to where you are without losing everything you did, but in the end where you are now is exactly where you need to be.

The good news, TC, is that you've been through that. You've done the hard part, you've waded through the waist-deep crap, and you've come out the other side. Pat yourself on the back, because it's not easy and not everyone does. I know that some people are scoffing because it's only video games and they think you should have just put the controller down, but you and I know better. It might even be worse because, as you were sitting there probably calling yourself a piece of crap for doing what you were doing and not understanding why you couldn't stop, everyone else was asking you why you couldn't just stop and feeding your already substantial feelings of self-loathing. Bob Saget may have sucked #&$@ for coke, but at least people understood his addiction.

Now the bad news, your work isn't over yet. Stopping is the first step, learning to move on is a whole different beast. Like I said, addiction is a symptom, not a disease. My guess is that you dove into video games because you were unfulfilled. Do you know why video games are so appealing to people like us? Because they reward us. Do something good at your job and at best you get a canned thank you, at worst you're ignored or someone else takes credit for it. Do something good in video games and you get actual, tangible benefits. Not to mention that you were immersed in an MMO and might have fulfilled a craving for social attention that was going unfulfilled in real life. You're not going to necessarily relapse. When I quit drinking I actually hadn't done so destructively for quite a long time. I would typically have between one and four drinks per sitting, and mixology was becoming a very fulfilling hobby of mine. The question you have to ask yourself is are you fulfilled? Can you find enjoyment in your everyday life, do you look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and think "that was a good day"? If not, then you will constantly be at risk of relapsing, and you need to take positive steps towards making your life better. For me that meant working a hell of a lot, finding fulfillment in something outside of my addictions. You have to find your own remedy. Just know that if you do relapse, it's not because there's something wrong with you. It's not because you aren't capable of controlling yourself, it's not because you have a fatal character flaw, it's not because you're some hedonistic malcontent with no self-control. You can, and it sounds like you are, doing perfectly fine managing your playing time as it is. Nothing puts that more at risk, though, than thinking that you're incapable of change, that you're just a flawed individual. The worst part of what we go through is the self-doubt, and it's most pernicious when there's solid reasoning behind it. You just have to get over it. It's not easy, and it takes time, but at the end of the day that's all it is.

I used to think people were full of crap when they'd say "it gets better." Recently, though, I was rejected by someone I had a pretty serious thing for. As I was sitting in my apartment trying to deal with my feelings for the first time since quitting booze I started to think back to how I would have dealt with this before, I'm sure you can pretty easily guess. I actually used to keep two spare bottles of wine in my dorm room for just such occasions. Back then I honestly didn't think I was capable of handling rejection without drinking, I actually didn't think I was capable of handling any hardship without drinking. As I sat there thinking about how I used to be, I started bawling my eyes out because I realized I was going to be okay. Drinking had made me temporarily feel better, but it had never made me feel that before. For the first time in forever I felt like I was going to be okay. You'll get there too.

Hey, OT, good to be back.

Thank you so much for replying so thoughtfully. I read every word of it. This actually means a lot to me. What you said about addiction being a symptom makes a lot of sense. This stems back to FFXI. It was actually a lot easier for me to deal with life by just allowing myself to get sucked into another world and shutting off. I wasn't really happy back then, and still not as happy were I'm at right now, but the one thing I've learned this past week by playing FFXIV again is that I've grown stronger. The weaker me would have spend quite a few more hours with the game over the past week, and I would have already started neglecting other things. Hell, it was so pad at a point, I wasn't picking anything off the floor in my room. But, my room is clean, my bills are paid, I still talk to family, still go to work, still do errands and most importantly, I still do exercise.

I think my newfound strength has come from a self-motivated need to work on improving my body. I've lost 45 pounds since mid-December and back then, I couldn't do three push ups if I tried. Now, on my best day, I did 50 at once. I've cut a lot off stuff out of my diet and still am and am feeling better now than I have in a long time. It took standing on a scale last year and seeing where I was and realizing that this was the trajectory that I was headed toward if I didn't stop what I was doing and change something! Back then, I didn't think I'd ever have the strength to manage my playtime but now, I see that's no longer an issue. I'm able to actually enjoy FFXIV again without worrying about it taking over my life like it did before.

Thanks again for replying, and welcome back!

Avatar image for theone86
theone86

22669

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#30 theone86
Member since 2003 • 22669 Posts

@JustPlainLucas said:
@theone86 said:

In my personal experience addiction isn't a disease, it's a symptom. I just wandered in here on a whim to see what was going on in my old stomping grounds, and I decided to post something for the first time in over three years. A little more than two years ago I went totally dark online-no facebook, no forums, nothing-but I didn't just go dark online. I had a case of severe agoraphobia, I didn't leave my house for about eight months straight. When I finally did leave my house I was a wreck. I would run out of breath walking around the block, my muscles were completely atrophied, I would come home after ten minutes sweating, sore all over, and with blistered feet. A few months before I shut myself in, though, I wasn't doing great either. I was skipping meals, missing classes, neglecting my homework, and doing a hell of a lot of binge watching, usually while getting a bit drunk. I think most people who saw what I was doing would have said the same thing the OP did about video games, that I was addicted to streaming. The truth, though, is that I wasn't.

There's this one study on addiction that really stands out to me. A team of researchers created two different mouse habitats. The first one was a mouse paradise-tons of different things to play with, activity wheels, climbing tunnels, good food, the works. The second was bland, barren, and had very little to stimulate the mice. Both groups of mice were addicted to cocaine and put in their respective colonies, each with two different sources of water. The first was ordinary water, the second was laced with cocaine. The mice in the nice colony were just as likely to drink the cocaine water as the ordinary water, the results were sufficiently random. The ones in the dreary colony, however, went straight for the cocaine water. The takeaway here is that addiction isn't just some character flaw, it's something that happens to people who aren't stimulated or happy, they search for something to fill that void of whatever is missing in their lives.

When I shut myself in I kept binge watching, it's about the only thing I did do. I knew I shouldn't, I knew I should have picked myself up and tried to get on with my life, but I couldn't. Everything seemed impossibly hard, every possibility I considered seemed destined for failure. Watching shows just made me feel good, it was about the only thing left in my life that made me feel good. I think my family would say that it was a crutch, that they should have somehow forced me to stop, but I honestly don't know if I could have gone on without it. When literally everything in my life seemed to be falling apart with no hope for it to get better, shows gave me that little bit of pleasure I needed to keep going. Not long after I started to heal I moved into an apartment and met one of the most beautiful souls I've ever known. She was dealing with some pretty intense problems of her own. Long story short, she tried to blame me for her own self-destructive behavior. Feeling like I was responsible for that was the singular most painful thing I have ever felt, bar none. I don't think I can ever forgive her for it, but I understand it. It was what she needed at the time, it gave her the sense of control she needed to keep going. Most people want to tell you the way out of destructive behavior is to stop, to get you away from it as soon as possible, but they're wrong. Sometimes the only way out of it is to keep going straight through it, to keep doing it until you're at a point where you're ready to stop. It sucks and you end up wondering if you couldn't get to where you are without losing everything you did, but in the end where you are now is exactly where you need to be.

The good news, TC, is that you've been through that. You've done the hard part, you've waded through the waist-deep crap, and you've come out the other side. Pat yourself on the back, because it's not easy and not everyone does. I know that some people are scoffing because it's only video games and they think you should have just put the controller down, but you and I know better. It might even be worse because, as you were sitting there probably calling yourself a piece of crap for doing what you were doing and not understanding why you couldn't stop, everyone else was asking you why you couldn't just stop and feeding your already substantial feelings of self-loathing. Bob Saget may have sucked #&$@ for coke, but at least people understood his addiction.

Now the bad news, your work isn't over yet. Stopping is the first step, learning to move on is a whole different beast. Like I said, addiction is a symptom, not a disease. My guess is that you dove into video games because you were unfulfilled. Do you know why video games are so appealing to people like us? Because they reward us. Do something good at your job and at best you get a canned thank you, at worst you're ignored or someone else takes credit for it. Do something good in video games and you get actual, tangible benefits. Not to mention that you were immersed in an MMO and might have fulfilled a craving for social attention that was going unfulfilled in real life. You're not going to necessarily relapse. When I quit drinking I actually hadn't done so destructively for quite a long time. I would typically have between one and four drinks per sitting, and mixology was becoming a very fulfilling hobby of mine. The question you have to ask yourself is are you fulfilled? Can you find enjoyment in your everyday life, do you look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and think "that was a good day"? If not, then you will constantly be at risk of relapsing, and you need to take positive steps towards making your life better. For me that meant working a hell of a lot, finding fulfillment in something outside of my addictions. You have to find your own remedy. Just know that if you do relapse, it's not because there's something wrong with you. It's not because you aren't capable of controlling yourself, it's not because you have a fatal character flaw, it's not because you're some hedonistic malcontent with no self-control. You can, and it sounds like you are, doing perfectly fine managing your playing time as it is. Nothing puts that more at risk, though, than thinking that you're incapable of change, that you're just a flawed individual. The worst part of what we go through is the self-doubt, and it's most pernicious when there's solid reasoning behind it. You just have to get over it. It's not easy, and it takes time, but at the end of the day that's all it is.

I used to think people were full of crap when they'd say "it gets better." Recently, though, I was rejected by someone I had a pretty serious thing for. As I was sitting in my apartment trying to deal with my feelings for the first time since quitting booze I started to think back to how I would have dealt with this before, I'm sure you can pretty easily guess. I actually used to keep two spare bottles of wine in my dorm room for just such occasions. Back then I honestly didn't think I was capable of handling rejection without drinking, I actually didn't think I was capable of handling any hardship without drinking. As I sat there thinking about how I used to be, I started bawling my eyes out because I realized I was going to be okay. Drinking had made me temporarily feel better, but it had never made me feel that before. For the first time in forever I felt like I was going to be okay. You'll get there too.

Hey, OT, good to be back.

Thank you so much for replying so thoughtfully. I read every word of it. This actually means a lot to me. What you said about addiction being a symptom makes a lot of sense. This stems back to FFXI. It was actually a lot easier for me to deal with life by just allowing myself to get sucked into another world and shutting off. I wasn't really happy back then, and still not as happy were I'm at right now, but the one thing I've learned this past week by playing FFXIV again is that I've grown stronger. The weaker me would have spend quite a few more hours with the game over the past week, and I would have already started neglecting other things. Hell, it was so pad at a point, I wasn't picking anything off the floor in my room. But, my room is clean, my bills are paid, I still talk to family, still go to work, still do errands and most importantly, I still do exercise.

I think my newfound strength has come from a self-motivated need to work on improving my body. I've lost 45 pounds since mid-December and back then, I couldn't do three push ups if I tried. Now, on my best day, I did 50 at once. I've cut a lot off stuff out of my diet and still am and am feeling better now than I have in a long time. It took standing on a scale last year and seeing where I was and realizing that this was the trajectory that I was headed toward if I didn't stop what I was doing and change something! Back then, I didn't think I'd ever have the strength to manage my playtime but now, I see that's no longer an issue. I'm able to actually enjoy FFXIV again without worrying about it taking over my life like it did before.

Thanks again for replying, and welcome back!

Cool, happy to reach someone. Good luck on the future, and congrats on the weight loss!