xbox live private chat rooms

My friend and I are trying to get a private chat open on xbox live but when i send him a chat request(or when he sends me one)he acceptes the request but it dissappears. and also when i invite him to a private game it tells him he cannot connect to the host. and it also says the same for me (when he invites me) but i can invite him to a non private game and it lets him in. but we still cant here eachother on the head sets. any suggestions on what we should do. we both have everything in our setting set to allow. andthe weard thing is we can talk to other people and invite other people to games and it works. help help help

i had the same problem drove me nuts for days, all i did to fix was went into network settings on 360 changed my ip from automatic to manual then back to automatic and it all worked fine after that. hope this helps someone