Game Reviews....From the Future!

Read an article today on Gamedaily and it seemed very plausable cause of the way the games are shaping up. The article can be read HERE.

A few of them are bound to cause arguments on this thread but it's a worthwhile read.

Gears of War 2

Epic took the 360 by storm with the original Gears of War, and rightly so the entire planet has high expectations for the sequel. For the most part, you won't be disappointed. Everything you liked about the first game is back but tuned a little bit more. This is especially evident in the multiplayer where each weapon is back but with a little more balance. The shotgun is still the preferred weapon up close, but it is no longer the killing machine it once was. Instead, it fits its purpose like it was supposed to. This type of fine tuning is shown throughout the game, and at least from a gameplay perspective, makes it feel like a drastic improvment.

One of the many complaints about Gears of War was its plot, or lack of one. There is now a fully featured storyline in Gears 2, but this is a bittersweet victory. Seeing how well the commercial featuring "That one song that plays kinda towards the end of Donnie Darko, that movie that nobody understands but that emo kid pretends to" helped sales, Epic has made the game much more depressing. Gone are the days when Cole says, "CAN'T STOP THE TRAIN BABY!" or when Baird gives a reaffirming "STAY DEAD!" during a curb stomp. Instead, we get to listen to Marcus complain about his dad and deal with all the issues from having his dad be the chief expert for the prosecution during his trial. Many times you have to take time out to tell yourself that this is Gears of War 2, not the Simple Plan reunion tour. The gameincludes many awkward flashback scenes with tween Marcus (who still has facial hair... guess real heroes pube out early) playing thrashball with his father. Though these try to build up an emotional connection and make the player care about the plot, but the dialogue is so out there it just doesn't work. After careful analysis of Xbox Live's members while playing games like Halo 2, Epic wrote such lines as, "Why don't you try again after your balls drop Marcus!"

8.5/10

Gears of War 2

Epic took the 360 by storm with the original Gears of War, and rightly so the entire planet has high expectations for the sequel. For the most part, you won't be disappointed. Everything you liked about the first game is back but tuned a little bit more. This is especially evident in the multiplayer where each weapon is back but with a little more balance. The shotgun is still the preferred weapon up close, but it is no longer the killing machine it once was. Instead, it fits its purpose like it was supposed to. This type of fine tuning is shown throughout the game, and at least from a gameplay perspective, makes it feel like a drastic improvment.

One of the many complaints about Gears of War was its plot, or lack of one. There is now a fully featured storyline in Gears 2, but this is a bittersweet victory. Seeing how well the commercial featuring "That one song that plays kinda towards the end of Donnie Darko, that movie that nobody understands but that emo kid pretends to" helped sales, Epic has made the game much more depressing. Gone are the days when Cole says, "CAN'T STOP THE TRAIN BABY!" or when Baird gives a reaffirming "STAY DEAD!" during a curb stomp. Instead, we get to listen to Marcus complain about his dad and deal with all the issues from having his dad be the chief expert for the prosecution during his trial. Many times you have to take time out to tell yourself that this is Gears of War 2, not the Simple Plan reunion tour. The gameincludes many awkward flashback scenes with tween Marcus (who still has facial hair... guess real heroes pube out early) playing thrashball with his father. Though these try to build up an emotional connection and make the player care about the plot, but the dialogue is so out there it just doesn't work. After careful analysis of Xbox Live's members while playing games like Halo 2, Epic wrote such lines as, "Why don't you try again after your balls drop Marcus!"

8.5/10

AtomicTangerine

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

In the long, long ago before time, Metroid games came out at a rate of about one every 3.21 years. Now, we have had 6 in 4 years. Raise that up to 7.

Metroid Prime 3 is exactly what you would expect for the most part- Metroid Prime with Wii controls. For the most part, this works pretty good. It avoids the pratfalls of other first-person Wii games by including a lock-on function, but at the same time, combat takes a back seat to exploration. Like all Metroid games minus Pinball and Hunters, this game starts our herione out with very little in the way of awesome. However, throughout the game, you wander around putting back the pieces of your Chozo armor until you become insanly powerful. This style remains as fun now as it was back during the era of Members Only jackets, but it also isn't for everyone.

What does make an unwelcome return is the scanning. In a stange decision, Retro INCREASED the amount you have to scan to complete the game. The usual stuff is there, such as Pirate Logs and Chozo lore, but there is one sinister addition. No longer do different beams open up the doors, now the visor does it through scanning. Samus has aquire different translators to communicate with the AI controlled doors. For example, early in the game, a door asks the question "Como estas? Caul es tu nombre?" This confounds Samus until she finds the Spanish Translator unit for the visor. Not only does this allow the scanning of Spanish language text, but also allows Samus' computer to analyze bell peppers in much more detail, providing much insight in which pepper to combine with the plasma beam.

I can forgive scanning. What I cannot forgive is another excuse Retro has to make up for why Samus starts this game off without any of the powerups from Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. Apparently, Samus has gotten caught up in Spider-Man 3 hype. She wears her custom Chozo brand Spider-Man costume to a priemier and is very excited. That is until she realizes that goey space aliens make you emo in the world of Spider-Man 3. Having first-hand experiance with all kinds of alien symbiotes from Echoes, she walks out in disgust. She forgets all of her upgrades in the theater though, and when she goes back the next day to get them, Ridley bursts through the cieling and grabsthe lost and found. Thus begins the game... Maybenext time Nintendo will pull it off.

6.75/10

Grand Theft Auto 4

Jack Thompson finally did it. He got Liberty City taken out Rockstar had to literally start over as the Constitution burned. However, after playing this game, you will almost be glad that our civil liberties have been abridged.

For the first time in GTA history, Rockstar has taken the dual-world approach. Seen in games like Metroid Prime 2, A Link to the Past, and many other hits. In GTA 4, the game takes place in two distinct time periods. One is a post-apocolyptic future where a race super intelligent koala bears have wiped out most of humanity and the human cities have turned into slave-labor camps where eukalyptus leaves are grown in streets filled with old newspapers and TV sets that don't even have basic cable. The other setting is the same city 5 years prior when Australlia was only rumored to exist andhuman society is at its peak.

You will play as a taxi driver who just happens to pick up the wrong passenger. This man turns out to be from the future, and has discovered the secret of time travel. He informs you of the terrible future and shows you the blueprint to his time machine, but just then a boomerang crashes through the window and decapitates him Road Warrior style. At first, the player must work in the modern time to assemble the time machine, but eventually they will be able to travel between the periods at save points.

What happens in one period affects the other, and through completing missions obtained by finding newspaper headlines from the future, you piece together what ends up being a powerul and moving plot about the tenacity of the human spirit. These missions are a huge step up over previous GTA games. This is mostly due to the awesome AI the koala bears employ and the variety of enemies. There are koalas that shoot lasers out of their eyes, commando koalas that are similar to the active camo from Halo 2, and the robo-koala, a giant robot that can only be defeated by having your character say something illogical such as, "I'm being honest with you. I'm a liar."

The variety, new setting, and all around awesome gameplay propel GTA 4 to new heights, heights that could not be achieved without time travel or koala bears.

10/10

Streets of Rage 4

Seeing the huge success of Streets or Rage 2 on the VC, Sega decided it was finally time for a new Streets of Rage. Does Axel still have what it takes? Is that kangaroo with the boxing gloves still playable? Does Streets of Rage remind you why you chose video games over a normal social life? The answer is yes to all the above!

Let's just get this out of the way- this is not your daddy's Streets of Rage. Gone are the days when Skate walked up and stabbed a guy and keeps skating along, smiling. With the Wiimote, you have to actually make out the motion to stab the thugs, and in a nice touch, you will also have to wiggle it around if the knife gets caught in their rib cage. Lead pipes cause skulls to cave in. Max's special move involves him palming a guy's head like a kid who skipped his senior year of high school for the NBA and applying pressure until the dude's head pops like a balloon. This is one game that earns its AO rating before you even get to the parts where Blaze fights that one chick with the electric whip.

This game plays much like the old Streets of Rage, even keeping the perspective the same. You start out on the left and kill every thug, gangster, samurai, homeless person, and mobster on your way to the right. You pick up weapons or do combos by making out the motions. Some of them go a little too far however and are beyond the average player. Expecting the player to do an uppercut and jump upwards to start Axel's combo is tiring, doing a somesault to get Skate flying through the air is tiring and takes up a lot of room, but expecting the player to actually do a backflip to make Blaze kick a guy in the face might be raising the barrier of entry for new players too high. One other feature that would have been great would be to turn the ability to hurt your buddies off. Far too often was I decked across the face by a Wiimote just because my friend thought going after the giant fire-breathing fat man was less important than my face.

Simply put, this is classic Streets of Rage with a new coat of paint. If having a 12-year old stab a guy in the gut didn't turn you into a psychopath during Streets of Rage 2, you will enjoy this game thoroughly. However, if you don't see the appeal in knocking somebody to the ground and firmly planting the business end of your shoe on their neck until dead, then pass this.

8/10

Come on you losers! I wrote like 4 stupid reviews! Can't any of you entertain ME!

Halo 3

You beat Halo on Legendary. You beat Halo 2 on Heroic because in Halo 2, the Elites are wall haxors on Legendary. You pwned noobs in the behind during the beta, and have since neatly filed away your copy of Crackdown in a microwave. None of this will prepare you for Halo 3.

The mechanics have been greatly improved. The shotgun doesn't suck even up close, the battle rifle no longer dominates, and the plasma pistol no longer does a 180 into your face at the same time a noob caps your face. All the weapons have their place, and for every gun that roxors a tad too much, there is a counter.

The eqiupment also adds another layer of challenge. In additon to what you saw in the beta, there are a few new items. The most useful of these is a boombox that your Chief will carry on his shoulder. You may only use a one-handed gun while activated, but the stereo will pump out such hits as Michael Jackson's "Beat It." This causes all players in your vicinity, friend or foe, to burst into dance. If you can lay down sweeter dance moves than them, your enemies will literally explode. Another useful item is an erotic picture of Cortana, which you can post on to walls. Other players will surely turn to look, and as long as you keep it in your pants you will have an open shot at them.

The campaign is also much improved. In it, the Master Chief goes to Darfur to save the local population from roving militant bands. In a nice touch, the second player in coop plays as Oprah. However, while shooting up the child soldiers, you discover something... something Forerunner...

But then, the "Master Chief" wakes up. That's right, it turns out that Halo 1 and 2 was just a dream. From this point forward, the game plays very much like the Sims, except your character is 32, is addicted to Shadowrun,and lives with their mom by default. Stunning storytelling like this shows that Bungie is in a masterclass all by their own and should be revered as the gods they are.

9.5/10