You are Generel Custer, you are naked, and you will show those Indians why you were made 'General' in the first place...
First: The year is 1982. The developers were smack dab in the middle of 'Golden Age' of pornography. Clearly they had watched too much it. So they decided to make a game where you must 'slide your sabre' in that there damsel in distress, not unlike many a John Holmes film.
Second: The developers were sociopaths who enjoyed the idea of rape/torture. They would make one helluva case on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Instead of dealing with Detectives Benson and Stabler (like they deserve), they make a video game depicting their hidden desires.
Third: The developers made a list of game ideas with 2 columns. The first column listed characters, the second listed actions to be done in the game. They then blindfold a guy and had him place a finger on one from each column with the result being; 'Generel Custer', and 'Raping Indians'. Too bad too, because a little higher up and we would have had; 'Tina Turner', and 'Scrubbing Elephant Testicles with a Toothbrush'.
Those are my main theories. It doesn't take a genius to know that one of these three scenarios is definitely what happened in 1982. Enough of this schlock, time for the heart of any review.....the review.
Gameplay - 10
This may be some of the most historically accurate gameplay I have ever had the "pleasure" (Get It?) of experiencing. You play as General Custer (I know, didn't see that one coming), and you are virtually naked (No Shirt, No Shoes, and No Service didn't apply in the 1800s). The levels have Custer braving the dangers of raining arrows and 'prick'ly cacti while trying to reach his ultimate goal of sweet Native American fornication. Sure she is tied up, but bondage was big back then. The History Channel line of video games don't even depict this kind of historical accuracy or even begin to compare to the trials and tribulations of General Custer.
Graphics - 1
The problem with making a game this ambitious in 1982 is that the technology isn't up to snuff with the game's lofty goals. We are supposed to have some high class action with some non-clothed characters. Instead, we have what appear to be primitive (yet anatomically correct) Lego blocks. If you thought Legos weren't sexy, then you haven't played this game.
Sound - 10
I always played Diana Ross' and Lionel Richie's 'Endless Love' in the background while enjoying some sexy time with Custer and his gang of tribal beauties. I assume that this game has high quality sound effects.....I mean, how could it not?
Value - 31
This game cost me $31 bucks....talk about value.
Tilt - 10
This game will get your rocks off if you open up your heart and imagination (maybe your fly as well) to the tale it weaves so eloquently. There simply isn't another game out there like it. It is a game that tells a love story between a man and a woman (or multiple womans), and the trials he overcomes to be with this woman (or again 'womans'). It stands the test of time and is a must play for history buffs and gamers who enjoy a good story.
Custer's Revenge for the Atari 2600 is a game that simply would not exist in our generation of games. It was an ambitious undertaking that was years ahead of its time (and about 100 years too late in terms of story). The developers dared to put themselves out there with this project. It would have been easy to take the easy way out and make some Donkey Kong or Space Invader clones, but they didn't. They made a game that defied conventions at the time and to this day. They made something that we cannot call anything short of "Revolutionary".
Disclaimer: I wrote this review for the sole purpose of humor and as a follow up to my Michael Jackson's Moonwalker review. To be honest a game like this shouldn't exist as the idea of rape in a video game is morally and ethically wrong, and shows that the developers have no taste and no respect for women.