Bible Adventures is a...strange game. It borders on a descent game, but doesn't quite make it.
Bible Adventures is broken up into three games. The first of which is Noah's Ark. This game is quite uninspired and after the first twenty minutes, it is boring beyond compare. You start off as Noah, and you need to collect a list of animals and put them on the ark. This sounds easy enough, but the controls are terrible (but better than some of the Wisdom Tree Games). So you go around collecting animals and you need to bring them back to the center of the screen that is supposed to be the entrance of the ark. Once you collect all the animals on that list, you beat the level. Then it's on to the next level, which is the exact same thing as the first but with different animals.
This whole concept may seem exciting to you, but let me assure you, it is nothing of the sort. I can actually say that I have never gotten to the third level of this game because it is so unbelievably boring. So I guess we'll go to the next game, which isn't as boring, but is oddly a little bit worse.
The second game is Baby Moses. The whole point of the game is to pick up Baby Moses and run him across the level and…well I'm honestly not sure what happens to him when you beat the level, but it has to be bad because he ends up on the ground again surrounded by spiders and guards, and you have to pick him up and do it all over again. Then you rinse and repeat.
While running through the level there are the usual annoying enemies trying to kill you, such as spiders, guards with spears, guys popping out of the ground throwing bricks at you, birds that pick you up and carry you off to God knows where, moving pitfalls, stationary pitfalls, and a whole host of other crap that I can't remember right now.
While all this seems pretty standard so far, the only reason this game is so hard is because of the awful controls. Imagine playing Super Mario Bros. 3, but every world feels like Ice World. You slip and slide all over the place, and to make matters worse, when you get hit by an enemy you don't just take a hit, you get thrown back, and the girl (Moses' sister I think) looks like she just got caught with a warehouse full of crack cocaine. (Sorry for the crude reference folks, it's hard to describe some of this stuff.) I have actually sat through this abomination and managed to get to like the sixth of seventh level, no small feat I assure you.
The third and final game on this cartridge is David and Goliath. This is basically a Noah's Ark clone, but with slightly altered game play. The whole objective of the first level is to collect four sheep and bring them to the end of the level. This is also the objective of the second level, but the number of sheep may have gone up. I can't remember, I never made it past the second level, and I don't care to.
While you are trying to collect the sheep, a whole menagerie of other animals are trying desperately to stop you, as if collecting sheep was the first sign of the apocalypse. They include lions, bears, birds, rams, squirrels (yes, I said squirrels, although I never thought squirrels were so dangerous) and God knows what else. As I said before, this game is so incredibly boring I usually can't get past the first level without switching back to Baby Moses.
In all, these games aren't the worst of the worst, but they aren't all that great either. If you are like me, and like to model your gaming life around the AVGN's and torture yourself with terrible games, then this game is for you! If the only game you ever played was Super Mario Bros. 3, then you may be a bit disappointed with this one.