Not recommended for gamers younger than 16 or older than 65
I loaded up Sin: Episodes after picking it up cheap ($19.95) in Retrovision in Narrabi back in November 2006. The young stallion at the counter, perhaps aware of the possible trauma ahead, smirked as he handed me the receipt and stated 'Have fun, Grandpa'. And here is my experience with Sin Episodes.
I was sitting comfortably as the introduction screen came on and some fairly loud tune with a sultry songstress singing a sensual serenade. In retrospect, I should have seen it all coming. The game starts. I'm lying down, looking upwards. Some guy is talking to me, threatening to do me in, but a woman to his side with hypnotic green eyes and long red fingernails tells him to cool it. And then, WAMMO, she leans over and there's the biggest set of knockers I've ever seen bearing down on me. They looked real to me. My 68 year old heart palpitates. I start to feel dizzy and shake, my vision starts to scatter. But then this lass (apparently her name is Elixis Sinclaire) exits the screen and everything falls back into its right place. Don't to that to me again - just let me lay waste to some scoundrels, I think to myself.
Back to the game and my trusty female sidekick has come to save me but that's just before my player has been injected with some sort of serum. I stumble through the halls, following my mid-drift exposed sidekick as she wiggled her buns and disposed of foes and find our way to a car. Thankfully, my savior can drive. But during the trip, I black out and this was where the real trouble started.
In some sort of strange flashback the same scantily clad bosomed brunette zooms into vision with even less on and whispers sweet nothings - all through my 5.1 surround setup. It feels like every bit of air is sucked from my weary lungs. She jiggles and shakes and says things I can't remember but I reel in horror, gasping for air and grasping for my medicine. But in the process I fall out of f my specially made orthopedic chair, smashing my head on the fall.
In real life I wake up in Walgett Hospital. Dazed, confused and looking upwards from the hospital bed. Tubes and stuff are coming out of me everywhere. And then, as if the Gods wanted to have a laugh, comes a bosomed nurse and says "Are you OK Mr Smith?" before leaning right over me to check the wound on my forehead. And I swear to this day, she had the same lingerie on as that blessed Ms Sinclaire. I scream in horror, trying to escape this testosterone taunt of a nightmare but in the end fall off the bed and dislocate my shoulder.
I spent two weeks in hospital and Gladys gave me a real serve about the game, suggesting it was something similar to a stick book at the local newsagents.
I am home now, but Sin Episode's is gone. I'm playing SIN (the original) which has the same Ms Sinclaire but six years of graphical technology makes a difference and I feel more comfortable with that game.
I'm giving 10 for the graphics and 8 for the sound. Tilt can have nine as I never received a single injury in 45 years of farming and this game brought me down in three minutes flat.
This should not be shown to our younger generation, they should out kicking footballs and learning the land. Old blokes like me should give it a miss as well - I'm living proof.
But the rest of you - go for it. But keep my blues in the back of your mind.