Above the title on Acclaim's latest Playstation CD, Dragonheart: Fire & Steel reads the legend: "The Dark Ages Just Got Darker." Indeed, it is a dark day when games like this are released.
Based upon 1996's special effects extravaganza of the same title, Dragonheart is a video-animated, side-scrolling piece of non-recyclable CD waste. My unfortunate encounter with this game began one day when I was rounding the corner to get to my desk. It was then, over the shoulder of our Reviews Editor Glenn Rubenstein, that I spied this side-scrolling game. I thought it not to be terribly striking, but rather kind of cool looking, in a Mortal Kombat sort of way. Glenn was fiddling with it catatonically, when I interjected: "Hey that looks pretty cool." It did appear to be visually interesting, to me at least (with that penchant I've got for the great bygone 2-D scrollers). But my observation turned out to be a grave mistake. Glenn's impartial countenance turned to one of relief: "Here," he said, popping out the game and handing me the jewel-case. "You review it."
And now I'm reviewing it. I will begin by qualifying my little offhand "piece of junk" comment above. This game is infuriating for one reason: Your hero character, Bowen, a supposed Bronson-warrior-dragonslayer, is, put simply, a complete wimp. Two meters grace the top of your screen: One indicates health status; the other indicates Bowen's cardiovascular condition. Cardiovascular condition? That's right, when Bowen swings his little blade around too furiously, he keels over, leans on his weapon, and heaves as if he is in dire need of an asthma inhaler. And this isn't even the worst part of it. Bowen runs about as slow as molasses, and can't jump well enough to play hopscotch - making it extremely frustrating to get anywhere at all. After the fiftieth time I couldn't make the guy complete a whopping two-foot jump, I slammed my controller onto the top of my Playstation in a Van Damme-ian attempt to finish off the pathetic hero on the CD within. I almost succeeded.
Acclaim could have made this game a lot better. Imagine if Bowen could execute moves similar to those of the Mortal Kombat cast: death-defying spin-leaps, leg-sweeps, and the like. Also, the game could have better explored its violent medieval theme: Games like this cry out for gruesome gore - enemies being eviscerated, intestines spilling forward, blood-geysers erupting from freshly slit throats. Come on, this is the Middle Ages! At the very least (like any good side-scrolling game), the hero should at least be easy to control.
