April Fool's: New game rating clears hurdle

APRIL 1--Claiming to be "well in touch, well aware, and terribly plugged in" to games and their effect on consumers, the game industry's rating board today said that effective immediately, a new rating would be added to the current set of designations.

An A-ss rating (for ASS, or: GAMES THAT SUCK) will help consumers identify games which "have content that may be suitable for persons of the lowest mental capacity. Titles in this category may contain Jackie Mason-inspired humor or gags previously used by Zeppo Marx, or even Zeppo's bastard offspring, Belden Marx."

According to one rating board member, "sitting through pixilated sex, exploding entrails, and bleeding zombies pales when compared to the shear boredom and ennui of a game that is truly 'ass.' "