My first perfect review for the best game I've ever played up until now.

Now, looking at the Deck up there, it may seem as if I've gone mad. Best game ever? Nah, it couldn't be. But then again, reviews are based on opinions right? Well, my opinion is it's the best game I've ever played, and I will tell you why with many digressions along the way.

First off, I'd like to praise the Loading. This may seem like a small issue to you, but I've just been playing Psychonauts and before that, Resident Evil 4, and before that, tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. Loading has become a necessary evil. But guess what? NO LOADING TIMES! That is a complete and utter lie and I shall now qualify it, like W does, by saying only if you play through it in one sitting, perfectly (w/out dying) and ignore 1.5 second Loading times. But still! wow! OK, now that's over, onto the review. What's first? Oh yeah, gameplay. HARDCORE! That's what kept popping into my mind as I played. HARDCORE! Ripping off necks with bare hands, cutting off legs, impalement, 200-hit combos, gore, whatever. And these game designers have made taking on ginormous cyclopses not necessarily easy, but smooth. Smooth is the word. Those chainblades Kratos, the main character, carries are some serious weaponry. Cloud's big frickin Buster sword's got nothing on these. The many puzzling puzzles are well-made and not overly easy. I'm a pretty moderate gamer. I find games challenging. If you're like me, ignore those bozos who complain "Oh my God, these puzzles are so darn easy! Lke totally!" No, they're challenging. but if you're a hardcore gamer, just ignore my previous 4 sentences and feel free to send me hate mail. I deserve it. Well, that's about it for gameplay. Graphics. Now onto sound. Why did I skip graphics? Cuz you need to see it to believe it. As cliched as that sounds, it's totally true. That's actually a cliche too, but it's also true. I'll give in a little and tell you how beautiful the environments are, how smooth the combat animations are, how cool and visceral the cutscenes are and how detailed the background is. Not really. I'm done. Sound. This has been said in about 15 million other reviews, but I'll say it too. Epic. LOTR. Bummm bum bummmmm, bum bum bum bummm. Bum bum bummmmm, bum bum bummm. OK, that was probably very inaccurate and pointless. The score is just that good. Unlockables! I mean... value. but in this game, value is unlockables. Beat the game once on any difficulty, unlock a buttload of features. Beat the game on Very Hard mode (God), unlock three sweet cutscenes. Beat one of the aforementioned feature, unlock more cutscenes. And this isn't even mentioning the replayablility based on pure fun. Funfunfunfunfunfunfunfun. A three-letter word with 7 gazillion jillion miles of meaning. Go for it. Get this game.

Disclaimer (Not because we care, but because we don't want to be sued.): Contains an incredible amount of blood and gore, which is all animated in a very extreme and awesome way, especially in the cutscenes. And also brief roughly 5-second nudity, certainly not enough to *sudden end to review*