Things you can say to your dog but not your girlfriend/wife

This can be really educational actually. Let's make a list.

*goes for walk*

Me: Who let the dogs out? I diiiid! ^_^

Dog: ^_^

Her: -_- wut

That i didnt get my wealth from my business, rather from life insurance claims i cashed in when my past five wives had bathtub+electricity "accidents".

Play dead.

"Why must you always eat poop when I take you to the park?"

"Get your head out of that kitty litter box!". "Don't drag your ass on the carpet!" "Get the hell off my bed!". "Don't lick me you nasty bastard!" "Stop sniffing my crotch!" "stupid dog"

"No!"

"Oh, damn you got some nasty bad breath"

Who is a good boy?

Go Away.

"you bitch"

How's it taste motherfucker.

also, sexist title...what if we got boyfriends/husbands, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

LMFAO

You really are a stupid bitch.

"Why do you always start licking your asshole as soon as you sit next to me on the couch?"

You smell like a dog.

I'm not in a relation ship or got a dog. :O

"Go."

i don't have a dog or a gf

That a girl!

What is wrong with you!?!? Just pick a spot and poop already!

"Damn that stinks! Was that you?"

"Down!"