the bad joke thread *warning*

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord?lycrof

MY ASS!

It is from the best movie everhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkThvBxUc_I 

Two atoms are walking next to each other when they bump into each other.

First atom: Argh, I lost an electron!

Second atom: Are you sure?

First atom: Yes. I'm positive. 

What do ducks and bicycles have in common?

They both have handlebars.

Except for ducks.

Where do you find a no legged dog?

ans: right where you left him

[QUOTE="lycrof"]What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord?ZeRo-ZeN

ok my turn

Yo momma's so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl. LOL GET IT? SUPER "BOWL"? SPOON" LOL IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!

What do you say to a guy who walks into a bar?

*You should have ducked*

What's green and sings?

Elvis Parsley. 

What has 4 legs and is a cat??

A CAT !!!!!!!!! LOLOMGZZZ!!!1!!!!! :lol: teh funny!!!!

Sorry *walks out of thread*

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord?lycrof

What do a hooker and bungie-rope have in common?

Answer:  They both cost about $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

What do a hooker and bungie-rope have in common?

Answer: They both cost about $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

 

Account_27

I actually thought that one was rather witty. 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road

A: To get to the other side

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road

A: The chicken was on vacation

What did the fish say when he ran into the stone wall?

"Dam"

What do a grape and an old person have in common?

They are both wrinkly. 

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

If it had 4 it would be a sedan!!! HAHAHAHAHA

What is white, lumpy, and really dangerous!?

Shark infested potatoes!!!

damn I am good... 

• How do you kill a circus?

• Go for the juggler.

whats worse than getting a hippo in a car?

getting a pregnant hippo in a car.

whats worse than getting a pregnant hippo in a car?

getting a hippo pregnant in a car.

What do you call a bad circumcision?

a RIP-OFF! 

2 Peanuts are walking down the road.  One of them is a salted.

Knock knock... Who's there?

Banana... Banana who?

Knock knock... Who's there?

Banana... Banana who?

Knock knock... Who's there?

Banana... Banana who?

Knock knock... Who's there?

Orange... Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say 'Banana'?

I have a good one, but it's long. But please trust me, it's worth the read.

There was this cave man and he woke up one morning starving to death. So he went outside to go hunting and foraging for food. He ventured all day with his spear and didn't find any game. He cross a great plain, a vast river, and a lush forest. Finally coming to an apple tree. He grunted in pleasure and picked all the apples he could carry and packed them back to his cave. It took him half the day to get there, so he spent the rest of the daylight hours getting back to his cave.

Once he got to his cave, he ate until his belly was full, throwing all the apple cores into a pile in the back of the cave, and fell happily asleep.

The next morning he awoke starving again. Remembering this apple tree, he ventured half the day across that great plain, vast river, and lush forest and arrived at the place where the tree stood. But this time it wasn't an apple tree... it was a peach tree!

Being a little confused, but not minding, he picked all the peaches he could carry and made the half-day trek back to his cave. Once he got back to his cave he sat down and ate all the peaches and threw all the peach pits into a pile beside the apple cores in the back of his cave. With his belly full he went to sleep.

The next morning came, and yet again he was hungry. So he went back to that tree he found... crossing that great plain, vast river, and lush forest, he came to the tree. Yet this time it wasn't an apple tree OR peach tree. It was a walnut tree. Being confused, he picked all the walnuts he could carry and made the half day journey back to his cave.

After getting to his cave he sat down to eat the nuts, but he couldn't figure out how to get the shell open! He gnawed at them and clawed at them but just couldn't get the hard nut shells off. So he threw the walnuts in the back of the cave in a big pile beside the apple cores and peach pits.

He went to bed hungry that night.

When the morning came he awoke to a chattering sound. He looked over and he saw a squirrel on top of the walnut pile happily munching away at his nut bounty. The caveman stood up in a rage and yelled, THOSE ARE MY NUTS, SQUIRREL!

And you know what the squirrel said?...

...squirrels can't talk. 

Confusious says, "Man who goes to bed with ichy butt, wakes up with stinky finger."PercivalCox

That's not a joke :/ 

Two atoms are walking next to each other when they bump into each other.

First atom: Argh, I lost an electron!

Second atom: Are you sure?

First atom: Yes. I'm positive.

RosetaStoned

sadly that one makes me snicker a little everytime. prolly bc i know so many people who don't get it... 

Here's one I made myself: A guy walks up to a ninja and says "Hey, I bet you couldn't run all the way up that wall over there", and the ninja replies, "Aw, shuriken". Get it? Shur-I-Ken?Fortier

Not only was that the most horrible joke I have ever heard, It was so stupid you made everyone who read it dumber.

Confucius also says, "Boy who goes to bed with sex problem on his mind, wakes up with solution on his hand".Creeping_Wolf

:lol:

who wrote the book "yellow river"?

ans:I.P.DAILY

who wrote the book "yellow sea"?

ans:V.P.DAILY

who wrote the book "russian torture"?

ans: MIKHAIL BALSCHWASKY

who wrote the book"25 years on horse bak"?

ans: DR. SORAS

who wrote the book"100 years on horse bak"?

ans:DR. NOAZZ:D

 lame . i know.

I have a good one, but it's long. But please trust me, it's worth the read.

 

There was this cave man and he woke up one morning starving to death. So he went outside to go hunting and foraging for food. He ventured all day with his spear and didn't find any game. He cross a great plain, a vast river, and a lush forest. Finally coming to an apple tree. He grunted in pleasure and picked all the apples he could carry and packed them back to his cave. It took him half the day to get there, so he spent the rest of the daylight hours getting back to his cave.

Once he got to his cave, he ate until his belly was full, throwing all the apple cores into a pile in the back of the cave, and fell happily asleep.

The next morning he awoke starving again. Remembering this apple tree, he ventured half the day across that great plain, vast river, and lush forest and arrived at the place where the tree stood. But this time it wasn't an apple tree... it was a peach tree!

Being a little confused, but not minding, he picked all the peaches he could carry and made the half-day trek back to his cave. Once he got back to his cave he sat down and ate all the peaches and threw all the peach pits into a pile beside the apple cores in the back of his cave. With his belly full he went to sleep.

The next morning came, and yet again he was hungry. So he went back to that tree he found... crossing that great plain, vast river, and lush forest, he came to the tree. Yet this time it wasn't an apple tree OR peach tree. It was a walnut tree. Being confused, he picked all the walnuts he could carry and made the half day journey back to his cave.

After getting to his cave he sat down to eat the nuts, but he couldn't figure out how to get the shell open! He gnawed at them and clawed at them but just couldn't get the hard nut shells off. So he threw the walnuts in the back of the cave in a big pile beside the apple cores and peach pits.

He went to bed hungry that night.

When the morning came he awoke to a chattering sound. He looked over and he saw a squirrel on top of the walnut pile happily munching away at his nut bounty. The caveman stood up in a rage and yelled, THOSE ARE MY NUTS, SQUIRREL!

And you know what the squirrel said?...

...squirrels can't talk. 

Tax_The_Acorns

I want to hurt you

[QUOTE="PercivalCox"]Confusious says, "Man who goes to bed with ichy butt, wakes up with stinky finger."Tax_The_Acorns

That's not a joke :/ 

yes it is and its actually

man who go to bed with itchey hiney wake up with sticky finga

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he had no body to go with. *groan*

this thread deserves a ROFLCOPTER

What do you call a bad circumcision?

a RIP-OFF!

clawwombat

[QUOTE="clawwombat"]

What do you call a bad circumcision?

a RIP-OFF!

andrewkozis

That's a great joke, so it shouldn't be in here.

How do you say hello to a duck?]

Hello duck.

I got a few.

one day a bell ringer at a chruch wanted to hire an assistant, so he hired a man with no arms, he asked the man hey how are you going to ring the bell?
the man said like this! and he smashed his face against the bell. Wow thats really impressive, said the bell ringer, can you show me again. sure says the man
and he smashes his face against the bell, but trips out of the bell tower and dies. a crowd gathered around him and said who knows this man?
the bell ringer says........I dont know him, but his face rings a bell!

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt work?.........A stick!

have you heard about the magical tractor?.......it turned into a field!

why did teh cow moo?...........cause its a freaking cow!

what is bruce lees favorite drink?........WATAAAA!!!

what did hellen kellar name her dog?.........DUH DUH DUH DUHHHHHHH!  

Two atoms are walking next to each other when they bump into each other.

First atom: Argh, I lost an electron!

Second atom: Are you sure?

First atom: Yes. I'm positive.

RosetaStoned

I can't believe I laughed at that.

here is one.

what do you call a room full of oatmeal?.......A mushroom!  

im not gonna let this joke die! more jokes!

what do you call a black man flying a plane?.......a pilot you racist.

one day a man and his 3 daughters were walking in the park, one of them said 

"daddy why did you name me sunshine?"

the dad responded,

" well honey, when you were born, a beautiful ray of sunshine laneded on your face, so I named you sunshine."

next his other daughter asked him,

" daddy why did you name me flower?"

the dad responded.

" well honey, when you were born, I saw a flower land on your face, so i named you flower."

 next his other daughter walked up to him and said,

" duhhhhhd uh  duh duh duh der duh"

so the dad said,

" shut up brick"