POST TEH FUNNAY JOKES HERE!!!111one11!!!

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Carlos_Santana

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#1 Carlos_Santana
Member since 2006 • 4316 Posts
I haven't really seen a good joke thread. There are picture threads and caption threads, but no Text-only joke threads. Post them here. Post story jokes or one-liners that are so lame they're funny. GO!!!
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Fortier

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#2 Fortier
Member since 2004 • 7728 Posts
Unfortunately, all my jokes are either racist, detrimental to Jesus, or baby-murdering...
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nickisthemost

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#3 nickisthemost
Member since 2005 • 921 Posts

you are funny harharhar.......

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SmashBrosLegend

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#5 SmashBrosLegend
Member since 2006 • 11344 Posts
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*
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deactivated-5d78b683675c5

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#6 deactivated-5d78b683675c5
Member since 2007 • 3161 Posts
I can't post any of the good jokes that I know, it's not worth getting moderated
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Fortier

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#7 Fortier
Member since 2004 • 7728 Posts

[QUOTE="Fortier"]Unfortunately, all my jokes are either racist, detrimental to Jesus, or baby-murdering...aaaaarrrrggggg

We'll be fine witht he baby-murdering:)

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
[spoiler] I don't have a Ferrari in my garage [/spoiler]

Whatever you say...

Whats the difference between a truckload of bricks and a truckload of babies?

[spoiler] Can't unload a truckload of bricks with a pitchfork! [/spoiler]

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cool_baller

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#8 cool_baller
Member since 2003 • 12493 Posts
Q:Wanna hear a joke? A:Women's sports Q:Why do women have smaller feet then men? A:It is one of those evolutionary things that let's them stand closer to the sink and oven.
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Fortier

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#10 Fortier
Member since 2004 • 7728 Posts
[QUOTE="Fortier"]

[QUOTE="aaaaarrrrggggg"][QUOTE="Fortier"]Unfortunately, all my jokes are either racist, detrimental to Jesus, or baby-murdering...Carlos_Santana


We'll be fine witht he baby-murdering:)

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
[spoiler] I don't have a Ferrari in my garage [/spoiler]

Whatever you say...

Whats the difference between a truckload of bricks and a truckload of babies?

[spoiler] Can't unload a truckload of bricks with a pitchfork! [/spoiler]

Whats the difference between a baby and a pizza?

[spoiler] A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. [/spoiler]

I got more, but I think thats enough gruesomeness for now...

Might wanna delete that last one :?

I figured that might've been pushing it...believe it or not, I've got worse...

As for now though, I think I'll take your advice...

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lord_mordain

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#11 lord_mordain
Member since 2003 • 3788 Posts
What do you call a hooker with a plugged nose?

[spoiler] Full. [/spoiler]





...that's over the line isn't it?
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SmashBrosLegend

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#12 SmashBrosLegend
Member since 2006 • 11344 Posts
[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*

*still holding for applause*
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momo372

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#13 momo372
Member since 2005 • 2641 Posts

I had a bad day today

Firstly when I put my shirt on, a button fell off.

Then I walked to my car, and the door handle fell off.

Now i am scared to go to the bathroom

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LiL_PiNo

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#14 LiL_PiNo
Member since 2006 • 835 Posts
[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense
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Carlos_Santana

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#15 Carlos_Santana
Member since 2006 • 4316 Posts
[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*

*still holding for applause*

*becomes the one guy that claps in a room of thousands, then slowly everyone starts to clap, with a few whistles thrown in*
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SmashBrosLegend

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#16 SmashBrosLegend
Member since 2006 • 11344 Posts
[QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*
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LiL_PiNo

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#17 LiL_PiNo
Member since 2006 • 835 Posts
[QUOTE="Carlos_Santana"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*

*still holding for applause*

*becomes the one guy that claps in a room of thousands, then slowly everyone starts to clap, with a few whistles thrown in*

*Throws tomatoes*
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LiL_PiNo

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#18 LiL_PiNo
Member since 2006 • 835 Posts
[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause*

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*

*Puts bandaid on*
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Fortier

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#19 Fortier
Member since 2004 • 7728 Posts

[QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause* SmashBrosLegend
*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*

*Drinks your blood*

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lord_mordain

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#20 lord_mordain
Member since 2003 • 3788 Posts
pppfffftttttt.....

I don't think anyone got my joke....

Here's another....


Why did God give women legs?

[spoiler] So they don't leave a snail trail behind when they walk. [/spoiler]




Ok...  That was the line right?
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Headbanger88

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#21 Headbanger88
Member since 2004 • 5023 Posts
THIS IS SPARTA!
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funnymario

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#22 funnymario
Member since 2005 • 9122 Posts
[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause* SmashBrosLegend
*still holding for applause*

*coughs rudely*
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SmashBrosLegend

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#23 SmashBrosLegend
Member since 2006 • 11344 Posts

[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause* Fortier

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*

*Drinks your blood*

*gives you AIDS*
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Fortier

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#24 Fortier
Member since 2004 • 7728 Posts

Why don't women need a watch?

[spoiler] There is a clock on the stove [/spoiler]

Why shouldn't women drive?

Becuase there is no highway between the kitchen and the bedroom

Edit: Got too lazy for the spoilers tag...

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LiL_PiNo

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#25 LiL_PiNo
Member since 2006 • 835 Posts
[QUOTE="Fortier"]

[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause* SmashBrosLegend

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*

*Drinks your blood*

*gives you AIDS*

*Steals the AIDS and gives it to a fish*
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lord_mordain

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#26 lord_mordain
Member since 2003 • 3788 Posts
[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="Fortier"]

[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause* LiL_PiNo

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*

*Drinks your blood*

*gives you AIDS*

*Steals the AIDS and gives it to a fish*



I......

uh..........

I don't think that's the way it works....
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cool_baller

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#27 cool_baller
Member since 2003 • 12493 Posts
[QUOTE="cool_baller"]Q:Wanna hear a joke? A:Women's sports Q:Why do women have smaller feet then men? A:It is one of those evolutionary things that let's them stand closer to the sink and oven.

waits for applause
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nickisthemost

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#28 nickisthemost
Member since 2005 • 921 Posts

THIS IS SPARTA!Headbanger88

you mean this

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LiL_PiNo

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#29 LiL_PiNo
Member since 2006 • 835 Posts
[QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="Fortier"]

[QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="LiL_PiNo"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"][QUOTE="SmashBrosLegend"]Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it sure is hot in here, huh?" The other muffin responds, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!" *hold for applause* lord_mordain

*still holding for applause*

That joke sucks. No offense

*cuts self*

*Drinks your blood*

*gives you AIDS*

*Steals the AIDS and gives it to a fish*



I......

uh..........

I don't think that's the way it works....

*Shoves the fish up your A... Ahahaha*
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Denjin_hadouken

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#30 Denjin_hadouken
Member since 2007 • 5927 Posts
Hmmm a bear jumped over the moon and died. The end
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lord_mordain

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#31 lord_mordain
Member since 2003 • 3788 Posts
Two old men are walking through the park one day when a toad hops up to one of them and starts to talk...

"Please sir, I need your help...  I was tranformed by a witch that hated my beauty and long golden hair and bright blue eyes and slender sexy frame with my perfect 36C breast....  And I need a man to kiss me and change me back.....  None of the younger men will...  If you will, I'll do anything for you, and I mean anything!"

The old man says nothing.  Just grabs a paper bag from a trashcan, picks up the toad, put it in the bag, and stuffs it under his coat.

"Well," asks the other old man, "ain't cha gonna kiss her and....  you know....?"

"Heck no!" says the old man with the toad, "at my age I can't even get it up.  Best to own a talking frog."
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HeadHunter123

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#32 HeadHunter123
Member since 2005 • 999 Posts
Why do women like circumcised men? Because they can't resist 10% off.
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deactivated-57ef6a3ad2935

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#33 deactivated-57ef6a3ad2935
Member since 2004 • 5346 Posts
[QUOTE="cool_baller"]Q:Wanna hear a joke? A:Women's sports Q:Why do women have smaller feet then men? A:It is one of those evolutionary things that let's them stand closer to the sink and oven.

I laughed hard at the first one.