Is This An Invasion of Privacy?

This topic is locked from further discussion.

#1 Posted by JohnBean42 (2810 posts) -

So, this girl I like asked if she could have my iPod for the weekend because she was going on a trip and wanted something to do.

I know that on my Facebook, I've had conversions with people, and a couple of them have mentioned her, but not in a negative sense, just about my feelings for her, what we did when we hung out at my house (nothing sexual, just movies or play video games), and when I first met her, I asked my friend who knew her about her since her name rung a bell. I've never told people any of her secrets or insecurities through these messages. I thought there was nothing wrong talking about this, and trusted her not to read my private conversations.

Well, I got a text last night telling me she was curious and so she read them, and told me how much she hates that I told our friend the stuff we've done, and why I like asking people about her and why I won't just admit to liking her or whatever (which I've done before). Now, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the stuff about our hangouts since that's our thing, but I still see no problem in the other stuff. She doesn't agree this is the same as if I just took her phone and read through her texts or looked at her Facebook messages, but I think it is.

Is this my fault for talking about this stuff behind her back, or is this a complete invasion of privacy? Or are we both in the wrong? I trusted her, and I feel that all that trust is gone now.

Thanks for the feedback:)

#2 Posted by Yama (34101 posts) -

Invasion of privacy and it tells a lot about her personality that not only would she read your messages behind your back, she also has no shame in doing so as she openly admitted to doing it. She even penalized you for what you said in the messages, that's absurd.

When people borrow an iPod, you'd think they just want some tunes for a trip and such. I'd call her out on it, if you actually still have strong feelings tell her then. But I wouldn't make snooping right. Hell, you two don't even go out yet, imagine what she'd do if you did?

Not a good start imho.

#3 Posted by Kelayr (61857 posts) -
Reading someone's messages without their permission is always an invasion of privacy. Worse, in this case it was a breach of trust. Don't let her trick you into thinking you're at fault - you aren't in the wrong at all.
Hell, you two don't even go out yet, imagine what she'd do if you did?Yama
Exactly. Forget about her, TC. It won't go well if you two get together.
#4 Posted by DocDelicious (790 posts) -
It's the exact same. But who cares. Chances are within the next year or two you'll stop speaking and never see eachother again anyway. Hit it and move on.
#5 Posted by NiKva (8768 posts) -
You gave her permission to use your iPod, so she had permission to snoop around anything that you've done on it. Should have logged off Facebook if you didn't want her to read anything, even if you do trust her.
#6 Posted by zeldaluff (3387 posts) -

Well, I got a text last night telling me she was curious and so she read them, and told me how much she hates that I told our friend the stuff we've done, and why I like asking people about her and why I won't just admit to liking her or whatever (which I've done before). Now, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the stuff about our hangouts since that's our thing, but I still see no problem in the other stuff. She doesn't agree this is the same as if I just took her phone and read through her texts or looked at her Facebook messages, but I think it is.

JohnBean42

This paragraph is bullcrap.

a) Any girl would tell a friend (or multiple friends) what happened while hanging with you, probably with more details than you would give.
b) Imo, this is the exact same as if you took her phone and looked through it.

Also, I like your sig :P

#7 Posted by JohnBean42 (2810 posts) -

You gave her permission to use your iPod, so she had permission to snoop around anything that you've done on it. Should have logged off Facebook if you didn't want her to read anything, even if you do trust her.NiKva
Ya, that was my mistake. I changed my password Friday before she left, but I guess that didn't affect my app.

[QUOTE="JohnBean42"]

Well, I got a text last night telling me she was curious and so she read them, and told me how much she hates that I told our friend the stuff we've done, and why I like asking people about her and why I won't just admit to liking her or whatever (which I've done before). Now, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the stuff about our hangouts since that's our thing, but I still see no problem in the other stuff. She doesn't agree this is the same as if I just took her phone and read through her texts or looked at her Facebook messages, but I think it is.

zeldaluff

This paragraph is bullcrap.

a) Any girl would tell a friend (or multiple friends) what happened while hanging with you, probably with more details than you would give.
b) Imo, this is the exact same as if you took her phone and looked through it.

Also, I like your sig :P

Ya, she's posted on Facebook before that she's hangout out with me, so I'm sure she spilled what we did later. And I agree, to me it is the same. To her, it isn't cause she was "curious" and I didn't leave it lying around. And thank you, I like it too:P

#8 Posted by JohnBean42 (2810 posts) -

Invasion of privacy and it tells a lot about her personality that not only would she read your messages behind your back, she also has no shame in doing so as she openly admitted to doing it. She even penalized you for what you said in the messages, that's absurd.

When people borrow an iPod, you'd think they just want some tunes for a trip and such. I'd call her out on it, if you actually still have strong feelings tell her then. But I wouldn't make snooping right. Hell, you two don't even go out yet, imagine what she'd do if you did?

Not a good start imho.

Yama
I did call her out on it. She just doesn't seem to see the problem. And I have told her these feelings, a couple weeks ago when we went to dinner. But she was seeing someone, who she has since broke up with. You're right though, it's not good and I agree with silentexistence, I should just forget about her. I mean, I've done quite a bit for her, and haven't really gotten anything in return.
#9 Posted by AmazonTreeBoa (16745 posts) -
It is invasion of privacy and a clear sign she doesn't trust you. You should never date somebody that doesn't trust you. If it was me, I wouldn't even be friends with her anymore. Way too many people in the world for me to let people like that in my life.
#10 Posted by BranKetra (49270 posts) -
Why was she going through your stuff without your permission? You did give it to her, but still. That's going overboard.
#11 Posted by JohnBean42 (2810 posts) -
Why was she going through your stuff without your permission? You did give it to her, but still. That's going overboard.BranKetra
I didn't give her my permission, which is why I tried changing my password. I gave it to her thinking she was just going to listen to music and play apps. I never said she couldn't look, but it should just be common courtesy to not go looking at peoples stuff.
#12 Posted by BranKetra (49270 posts) -

[QUOTE="BranKetra"]Why was she going through your stuff without your permission? You did give it to her, but still. That's going overboard.JohnBean42
I didn't give her my permission, which is why I tried changing my password. I gave it to her thinking she was just going to listen to music and play apps. I never said she couldn't look, but it should just be common courtesy to not go looking at peoples stuff.

Right. That's rude. By "you gave it to her," I meant you let her use it. Not permission to go through your stuff.

#13 Posted by LJS9502_basic (151908 posts) -
You gave it to her.....
#14 Posted by rawsavon (40002 posts) -
You gave it to her.....LJS9502_basic
...and now he never will
#15 Posted by judog1 (24636 posts) -
You should have signed out of your account, but who lends out iPods?
#16 Posted by MissLibrarian (9589 posts) -

I don't understand this girl. Caving in to curiosity and snooping in your FB messages I guess I can kind get (it happens), but then blatantly admitting to it, and even having a go at things you said in them? Seems pretty mental.

Maybe she is making a mountain out of a non-issue molehill because she wants you to say you like her and ask her out now she's single.

#17 Posted by TChaivong (3693 posts) -

It's both of your faults. She should of never even mention it to start all this drama(it just shows she's crazy), I mean I bet there are more people besides her that seen your messages but did they say anything about it? no. You should of already known something like this was gonna happen when you give it to her, If you had more than $1000 in your wallet and told someone to hang on to it and not go through it, Could you truly believe they won't go through it?

#18 Posted by Am_Confucius (3376 posts) -

You expected her to not check your private stuff?

I think most people would, but no admitting it.

#19 Posted by O_Positve (72 posts) -

You gave it to her.....LJS9502_basic

He let her borrow the ipod for a weekend, for music, he didn't give it to her to go snooping at his apps and going into his facebook and deliberately reading his messages. If you let someone sleep over your home or have friends over, you wouldn't expect them to go through your dressers, closets, or even snooping on your computer would you? I know it's not exactly the same thing but it's like the saying "you give someone an inch, he'll take a mile". Then she has the nerve to make him out to be the bad guy?

Dude, she's got her own issues that you shouldn't even bother to try and deal with.

#20 Posted by Chojuto (2908 posts) -
You need to get away from this girl.
#21 Posted by verbalfilth (4652 posts) -
lol... You should never have that much faith in other people. Next time make sure you delete any private information before handing stuff out to others.
#22 Posted by StRaItJaCkEt36 (567 posts) -
There is no fault here. IF she's unreasonable upset over something that's her problem. If you don't believe you said anything poorly about her then you shouldn't feel responsible for what you said.
#23 Posted by Diophage (1498 posts) -
Sounds like a ***** who deserves a shovel to the face.
#24 Posted by markop2003 (29917 posts) -
You handed it to her whilst logged in therefore it's your fault not hers.