I just made a short movie ( action horror) , can i get opinions or comments??

Hey there, i have been on this site for ages and i recently made a short movie for a short film festival Nothing too serious, it is more an underground thing, with short horror, action movies. Since i see so many people posting about anything and everthing, i said why not post a link for mine.

Well here it is, its in 3 parts, 20mins roughly. I tried to make a mix in between action and horror, there is another vid called the beginning , like a prequel, but the real prequel is coming later on. Anyways, here is the link, i hope you have fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFwf_Al2jI8

P.s. The beginning is quite slow, but after 4-5mins it starts with the real thing.

Thank you!

Honestly, I think the shots of the newspaper clippings went on a little longer than it should have.SaugaGames

Ya i felt the same way for a 10min part, but watching the whole 20mins of it, i tihnk its fits better, With the intro, the titles, the paper cuts and all for the first 10mins, that part feels empty. But the second and third are up.

the black screen radio thing is ok.. but it would be better to have flashes randomly of the dude during it, its really dull to sit there and stare at a black screen concentrating on radio noise...

Sweet scene afterwards though... cool kill, the effects get a bit much in some shots, but it works well.

end part 1, very good.

Premier1101

Ya about that part i had some ideas, but i was running short on time to present the movie for the short film contest/festival. I had ideas, but with the shooting, editing and work, i wouldn get it all in...so i decided to leave a blank spot... :(

btw- nice music score, but if you wanted this to come across as some-what professional, you would have bought the liscensing for the music you are using, or do what most movies do, write their own.Premier1101

Yes i know what mean, but since it is something i am not making money out of it, i didnt use it for bad intentions. I see some many versions of these musics on so many different user-made videos, that i just felt it was fitting in the mood of the scene. I couldn pay 80 000$ of licensing, and still have no clue on how to compose ... :(

ok... wow. dude, that fight scene was horrid. I'm sorry.... too much cutting, no suspense up to it, fake hitting and coroegraphed horribly.... im sorry, but I could make a better one in one take... He is a killer, do you think he wants to punch the guy and wrestle with him? He had the advantage in the begining... I'm sorry, but that knife should've come out a LOT sooner.Premier1101

Like i said, this is amateur, it was done in an hour , the only hour where i could ask my two brothers. I had problems doing the scene and telling him where to stand and what to film. If i had more time to shoot, and people more into it, i could have done something better. I had no choice but to work with the images i had! And i wanted to match some parts with the music as well.

[QUOTE="Premier1101"]ok... wow. dude, that fight scene was horrid. I'm sorry.... too much cutting, no suspense up to it, fake hitting and coroegraphed horribly.... im sorry, but I could make a better one in one take... He is a killer, do you think he wants to punch the guy and wrestle with him? He had the advantage in the begining... I'm sorry, but that knife should've come out a LOT sooner.thescorpion1983

Like i said, this is amateur, it was done in an hour , the only hour where i could ask my two brothers. I had problems doing the scene and telling him where to stand and what to film. If i had more time to shoot, and people more into it, i could have done something better. I had no choice but to work with the images i had! And i wanted to match some parts with the music as well.

well, if you made the scene shorter, you could've focused on quality... that seems to be a big problem here... drawn out fight, paper sequence to add time to the movie. Honesstly it would be a whole star and a half better with a better fight and more mysterious intro.

[QUOTE="thescorpion1983"]

[QUOTE="Premier1101"]ok... wow. dude, that fight scene was horrid. I'm sorry.... too much cutting, no suspense up to it, fake hitting and coroegraphed horribly.... im sorry, but I could make a better one in one take... He is a killer, do you think he wants to punch the guy and wrestle with him? He had the advantage in the begining... I'm sorry, but that knife should've come out a LOT sooner.Premier1101

Like i said, this is amateur, it was done in an hour , the only hour where i could ask my two brothers. I had problems doing the scene and telling him where to stand and what to film. If i had more time to shoot, and people more into it, i could have done something better. I had no choice but to work with the images i had! And i wanted to match some parts with the music as well.

well, if you made the scene shorter, you could've focused on quality... that seems to be a big problem here... drawn out fight, paper sequence to add time to the movie. Honesstly it would be a whole star and a half better with a better fight and more mysterious intro.

I enjoyed it. I thought that you had something going with the camera effects. They defenitely added to the horror aspect. I thought that the decline of the the film was the tension. The first fight didn't feel tense enough.

I thought it started out well with some lapses into slow motion but I personally feel that from there it should have gotten choppy. Like, as the guy is choking Ezekiel in pt. 2 the camera flashes to Ezekiels hand and it produces the knife, then flashes out and he stabs the guy in the shoulder, then it cuts to the Ezekiels hand again and it produces another knife, then it cuts to maybe a close-up of the knife in the guys stomach. I think making it faster and slightly more confusing would have made it better.

Also, you mentioned earlier that you made the newspaper clipping intro long to demonstrate how long this had been going on, and I definitely got that impression from it. However, with that much experience, I expected Ezekiel to be a hardcore badass but when the fighting started I didn't think he lived up to the expectations that the intro had set, for me at least.

All in all a very enjoyable story. I would definitely like to see anything you do in the future.

Funny thing is, this can be REALLY good... just cut down quantity and improve quality.

after the fight scene was great... only two problems

1. Music Transition was not present...

2. the dude wouldve squirmed if a needle got close... you had his hands and feet tied, he could still move his whole upper body... so that looked set up..

Premier1101

ok.. i will give you a running thought about it, but this sounds blog worthy

anyway... beginnng quote good... music I hope you bought a liscence for... too much paper pieces, doesnt leave much mystery... like the end bit of the paper scene.. and then it goes back into it?? wth...

Damn.. that getting dresssed scene is really good, but the music is a bit loud.. it would set a better tone a bit quieter.

the black screen radio thing is ok.. but it would be better to have flashes randomly of the dude during it, its really dull to sit there and stare at a black screen concentrating on radio noise...

Sweet scene afterwards though... cool kill, the effects get a bit much in some shots, but it works well.

end part 1, very good.

well.. you show LOTS of bits(of newspaper)... with roughly the same stuff. Then you show that circle full of it... honestly you see it all at the end, so cutting it down in the beginnig sets a better pace, and leaves the viewer not bored. like I was getting.

ok.. I still think a better pace > longevity. You want to leave a mystery to the viewers, that makes them want to view it again... so they can regain understanding, you leave it too open. I feel like I know the character, who is portrayed as an unknown killer...

btw- nice music score, but if you wanted this to come across as some-what professional, you would have bought the liscensing for the music you are using, or do what most movies do, write their own.

well theres a part where you see the masked guy in darkness.. if you showed that kinda thing during the static blasts during the black screen part.. that would be a VERY nice touch.

This is how the fight shoulda gone:

suspense from the dude on cam... then show the killer hiding and taking the gun... but when he loses the chain, he whips out the knife, sticks it in the dudes side(and it shows blood >__> ) but the guy pulls it out, and taclkes him to the gorund, knife in hand, but the killer pulls out the hidden blade and stabs him in the neck. You make this video so choppy, its hard to keep up with the fight, and it makes you concentrate on whats going on, which makes the viewer more critical, and I saw that the fight was very poor and drawn out... A killler's intent is to kill the guy quickly and silently.. not actually fight them.

well, if you made the scene shorter, you could've focused on quality... that seems to be a big problem here... drawn out fight, paper sequence to add time to the movie. Honesstly it would be a whole star and a half better with a better fight and more mysterious intro.

Funny thing is, this can be REALLY good... just cut down quantity and improve quality.

after the fight scene was great... only two problems

1. Music Transition was not present...

2. the dude wouldve squirmed if a needle got close... you had his hands and feet tied, he could still move his whole upper body... so that looked set up..

OMG.... part 3 was great(that squirming thing took effect here too) but I lost all hope for it when it showed that I am watching in red letters. THAT wouldve been the perfect time to cut back to a peice of paper with "I am watching" found on the victim or something like that... really eerie like that..

good credits though it would still be nice to put music credits in as well, since you didnt buy the liscensing it doesnt look as amateur.

Overall: it was really good for an amateur video. Very eerie. makes you want more. But I have listed my problems. I might condense it down to one post for ya.

I enjoyed it. I thought that you had something going with the camera effects. They defenitely added to the horror aspect. I thought that the decline of the the film was the tension. The first fight didn't feel tense enough.

I thought it started out well with some lapses into slow motion but I personally feel that from there it should have gotten choppy. Like, as the guy is choking Ezekiel in pt. 2 the camera flashes to Ezekiels hand and it produces the knife, then flashes out and he stabs the guy in the shoulder, then it cuts to the Ezekiels hand again and it produces another knife, then it cuts to maybe a close-up of the knife in the guys stomach. I think making it faster and slightly more confusing would have made it better.

Also, you mentioned earlier that you made the newspaper clipping intro long to demonstrate how long this had been going on, and I definitely got that impression from it. However, with that much experience, I expected Ezekiel to be a hardcore badass but when the fighting started I didn't think he lived up to the expectations that the intro had set, for me at least.

All in all a very enjoyable story. I would definitely like to see anything you do in the future.

Thyeora

well... i hope my constructive critisicm takes some effect.

Basically faster pace, less obvious bad parts, but really good overall. keep it up :)

well... i hope my constructive critisicm takes some effect.

Basically faster pace, less obvious bad parts, but really good overall. keep it up :)

Premier1101