Have you ever had to tell a family member you arent what they think you are?

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#1 Posted by Capitan_Kid (6607 posts) -
Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this?
#2 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this? Capitan_Kid
I told mom I wasn't the guy she though she knew..... Took her a while to get used to me, now we get along fine. Good luck with your grandma though.
#3 Posted by Zeviander (9503 posts) -
You should tell her you are a devil-worshiper.
#4 Posted by konvikt_17 (22308 posts) -

ive told my parents i was a deist. have gave them hints to the fact that i am atheist.

though, my grandma and almost all relatives on my moms side(except my aunt and uncle. My aunt is understanding and accepting na d my uncle doesnt care) thinks/knows im atheist and pretty much shun/look down on me. everytime i see my grandma, she always has to bring up the fact that i need to read the bible and that she and her sisters and such, will pray for me. pisses me off. i avoid seeing her at all costs, and my parents dont push the issue as they understand.

i havent fully came out and said im atheist to my parents but have left big hints and they didnt bat an eye, so i doubt they would care either way.

my younger sister is on the fence, leaning towards atheism.

have not told anyone on my dads side of the family and dont plan to either.

#5 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
You should tell her you are a devil-worshiper.Zeviander
That would be an instant heart attack.
#6 Posted by playmynutz (6216 posts) -
Is it okay to lie to people i don't know
#7 Posted by ghoklebutter (19327 posts) -
I'm an ex-Muslim who has yet to tell the family about my apostasy. One of these days I will, though.
#8 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36894 posts) -
No But it will probably be on the horizon My aunt and uncle are pretty devout Christians And two of the nicest people I have ever met We are a pretty close family in general, so I don't think they will be too...pushy
#9 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
[QUOTE="chaoscougar1"]No But it will probably be on the horizon My aunt and uncle are pretty devout Christians And two of the nicest people I have ever met We are a pretty close family in general, so I don't think they will be too...pushy

Wouldn't be surprised if they were pushy afterwards....
#10 Posted by BenedictArnold7 (701 posts) -
My family sucks and I do not like them at all. They are uneducated, ignorant superstitious fools. We live completely different lives and I no longer bother spending time with them. They do not approve of me since I am a free thinker and I do not share their stone age values.
#11 Posted by Pffrbt (6589 posts) -

Yes. it went pretty well.

#12 Posted by chaoscougar1 (36894 posts) -
[QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="chaoscougar1"]No But it will probably be on the horizon My aunt and uncle are pretty devout Christians And two of the nicest people I have ever met We are a pretty close family in general, so I don't think they will be too...pushy

Wouldn't be surprised if they were pushy afterwards....

They shouldn't be too bad I think it will just be a case of everyone keeping their beliefs to themselves They have never really forced their beliefs on me and I don't see them starting now If they try, I will enjoy the discussion about faith But its definitely one of those arguments where you have to choose your words carefully Get your point across without insulting them or their faith LOOKING FORWARD TO IT...if it happens haha
#13 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
[QUOTE="chaoscougar1"][QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="chaoscougar1"]No But it will probably be on the horizon My aunt and uncle are pretty devout Christians And two of the nicest people I have ever met We are a pretty close family in general, so I don't think they will be too...pushy

Wouldn't be surprised if they were pushy afterwards....

They shouldn't be too bad I think it will just be a case of everyone keeping their beliefs to themselves They have never really forced their beliefs on me and I don't see them starting now If they try, I will enjoy the discussion about faith But its definitely one of those arguments where you have to choose your words carefully Get your point across without insulting them or their faith LOOKING FORWARD TO IT...if it happens haha

Good luck, man. >.>
#14 Posted by Capitan_Kid (6607 posts) -
[QUOTE="Capitan_Kid"]Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this? DeadMan1290
I told mom I wasn't the guy she though she knew..... Took her a while to get used to me, now we get along fine. Good luck with your grandma though.

What kind of guy are you?
#15 Posted by Nengo_Flow (10068 posts) -
Told my parents that I would no longer go as far as even decided to use even go want to do look more like, after I had already went to summer camp in the winter of 94.
#16 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
[QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="Capitan_Kid"]Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this? Capitan_Kid
I told mom I wasn't the guy she though she knew..... Took her a while to get used to me, now we get along fine. Good luck with your grandma though.

What kind of guy are you?

Why?
#17 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
Told my parents that I would no longer go as far as even decided to use even go want to do look more like, after I had already went to summer camp in the winter of 94.Nengo_Flow
Wut?
#18 Posted by Celldrax (14709 posts) -

I don't know what there's to tell. I don't believe in god... but neither does my sister. And it's no secret that we don't (I wouldn't consider my mum to be religious, though she does believe in god and the after life).

#19 Posted by Nengo_Flow (10068 posts) -
My family sucks and I do not like them at all. They are uneducated, ignorant superstitious fools. We live completely different lives and I no longer bother spending time with them. They do not approve of me since I am a free thinker and I do not share their stone age values. BenedictArnold7
Well this for me too. Except its only my mom thats religious and she isnt exactly hardcore christian or stone age tradition follow either, but still annoying and thinks Im with the devil if im not praying.
#20 Posted by Iszdope (10437 posts) -

I'm still not 100% sure myself.

I try to explain as best I can, but...

?

#21 Posted by theone86 (20555 posts) -

My uncle friended me on facebook and found out I'm an atheist. I didn't think anything of it at the time because he used to be cool about those types of things, but ever since he started AA he went back to religion and I think he opened his mouth. I don't know how many people in my family he's told, but I know he's told a few.

#22 Posted by Capitan_Kid (6607 posts) -
I'm an ex-Muslim who has yet to tell the family about my apostasy. One of these days I will, though.ghoklebutter
Is your family a bit on the extreme side?
#23 Posted by Kurushio (10485 posts) -
Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this? Capitan_Kid
I think one question would by why is it hard for you to keep it a secret? Are you forced to go to church every week? You'll have to decide whether it is worth the relief you might feel to be open about it vs how it will make your grandmother (which depending on age may not even be long for this world) feel and still make you feel bad about it. If she is a very understanding woman hopefully she will accept that and go on but that isnt often the case when it comes to older religious people.
#24 Posted by ghoklebutter (19327 posts) -
[QUOTE="ghoklebutter"]I'm an ex-Muslim who has yet to tell the family about my apostasy. One of these days I will, though.Capitan_Kid
Is your family a bit on the extreme side?

Most of my dad's side is pretty religious and ethnocentric. They most likely will react very badly, especially since I'm rather liberal (I'm pro-choice, support gay marriage, etc.).
#25 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
[QUOTE="Capitan_Kid"][QUOTE="ghoklebutter"]I'm an ex-Muslim who has yet to tell the family about my apostasy. One of these days I will, though.ghoklebutter
Is your family a bit on the extreme side?

Most of my dad's side is pretty religious and ethnocentric. They most likely will react very badly, especially since I'm rather liberal (I'm pro-choice, support gay marriage, etc.).

I think for your sake, don't say anything....
#26 Posted by ShadowsDemon (10172 posts) -
My parents would be fine with whatever religious choices I made. They just want me to be genuine about it.
#27 Posted by Capitan_Kid (6607 posts) -
[QUOTE="Capitan_Kid"]Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this? Kurushio
I think one question would by why is it hard for you to keep it a secret? Are you forced to go to church every week? You'll have to decide whether it is worth the relief you might feel to be open about it vs how it will make your grandmother (which depending on age may not even be long for this world) feel and still make you feel bad about it. If she is a very understanding woman hopefully she will accept that and go on but that isnt often the case when it comes to older religious people.

Well my grandmas been trying to bond with me lately and really learn who I am. Id feel better if i could tell her. She wont be mad, shel'l probably be sad. Im not forced to go to church but when we have conversations she goes on and on and on and on about christian stuff. She's been giving me a buch of boring ass bible lessons too. I think she will understand. Or blame it on satan
#28 Posted by ghoklebutter (19327 posts) -
[QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="ghoklebutter"][QUOTE="Capitan_Kid"] Is your family a bit on the extreme side?

Most of my dad's side is pretty religious and ethnocentric. They most likely will react very badly, especially since I'm rather liberal (I'm pro-choice, support gay marriage, etc.).

I think for your sake, don't say anything....

At this time? Of course. But eventually I'll have to tell them the truth.
#29 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
[QUOTE="ghoklebutter"][QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="ghoklebutter"] Most of my dad's side is pretty religious and ethnocentric. They most likely will react very badly, especially since I'm rather liberal (I'm pro-choice, support gay marriage, etc.).

I think for your sake, don't say anything....

At this time? Of course. But eventually I'll have to tell them the truth.

Yeah, my thoughts too. Maybe when you move out far, far away.
#30 Posted by XilePrincess (13130 posts) -
Mother says I can't tell Grandma what I think of her BS Catholic beliefs, how many ridiculous holes are in her theories and beliefs, and what I think about the fact that she donates money to charities that shove their pro-life abuse down the throats of scared pregnant women. My grandmother called a local store that had ads for car speakers (the loud wub wub wub ones) on the radio to yell at them because 'kids' keep driving near her house with the loud speakers and they better quit selling them because they're disturbing the peace. TL;DR, I would LOVE to tell my grandmother what I think about some of the crap she says and does, but I don't want to give her a heart attack and kill her. Because as you guys know, when I rip into somebody, I rip good.
#31 Posted by Capitan_Kid (6607 posts) -

My uncle friended me on facebook and found out I'm an atheist. I didn't think anything of it at the time because he used to be cool about those types of things, but ever since he started AA he went back to religion and I think he opened his mouth. I don't know how many people in my family he's told, but I know he's told a few.

theone86
Well, at least he did the hard part for you. Though thingsl'l be a bit awkward now
#32 Posted by ghoklebutter (19327 posts) -
[QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="ghoklebutter"][QUOTE="DeadMan1290"] I think for your sake, don't say anything....

At this time? Of course. But eventually I'll have to tell them the truth.

Yeah, my thoughts too. Maybe when you move out far, far away.

Despite my aversion to their creed and my fear of their wrath, I do love my family. So I'm only going to wait until I'm on my own, not until I've moved far away (though I hope that I will have at least moved out of my dad's house upon reaching independence).
#33 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -
[QUOTE="ghoklebutter"][QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="ghoklebutter"] At this time? Of course. But eventually I'll have to tell them the truth.

Yeah, my thoughts too. Maybe when you move out far, far away.

Despite my aversion to their creed and my fear of their wrath, I do love my family. So I'm only going to wait until I'm on my own, not until I've moved far away (though I hope that I will have at least moved out of my dad's house upon reaching independence).

I do wish you well when you decide to tell your family your true beliefs.
#34 Posted by ghoklebutter (19327 posts) -
[QUOTE="DeadMan1290"][QUOTE="ghoklebutter"][QUOTE="DeadMan1290"] Yeah, my thoughts too. Maybe when you move out far, far away.

Despite my aversion to their creed and my fear of their wrath, I do love my family. So I'm only going to wait until I'm on my own, not until I've moved far away (though I hope that I will have at least moved out of my dad's house upon reaching independence).

I do wish you well when you decide to tell your family your true beliefs.

Thanks =]
#35 Posted by Videodogg (12604 posts) -

I was never in that kind of situation, but unless your life is in danger, like that muslim guy, i would recommend telling/showing people what you are really about. You have to be who you are even in front of people who disapprove. Its your life, not theirs. Life is too short to pretend to be something you are not.

#36 Posted by DeadMan1290 (15502 posts) -

I was never in that kind of situation, but unless your life is in danger, like that muslim guy, i would recommend telling/showing people what you are really about. You have to be who you are even in front of people who disapprove. Its your life, not theirs. Life is too short to pretend to be something you are not.

Videodogg
To some there are severe consequences that come from that.
#37 Posted by ghoklebutter (19327 posts) -

I was never in that kind of situation, but unless your life is in danger, like that muslim guy, i would recommend telling/showing people what you are really about. You have to be who you are even in front of people who disapprove. Its your life, not theirs. Life is too short to pretend to be something you are not.

Videodogg

My life probably isn't in danger; I can't imagine them having so much hatred for me that they want to murder me. But I am likely to face widespread condemnation, which may lead to me being disowned or unloved in the collective sense. Or perhaps they'll try to pressure me to return to the religion or restrict my freedom in some way.

That said, most Christians and similar non-Muslims don't have to worry about the possibility of lethal backlash in response to apostasy. So I pretty much agree.

#38 Posted by Kurushio (10485 posts) -
If you do decide to tell them you should probably have your reasons well rehearsed and in a way they can understand. I'm not overly religious myself but i still think there are some good things you can learn from religion and it's teachings.
#39 Posted by soulless4now (41381 posts) -

No. I don't talk about my belief system or anything for the most part.

#40 Posted by dissonantblack (34002 posts) -

A couple times, yes. Like when i told my mom i'm asexual. She didn't mind surprisingly.

#41 Posted by WaterSphere (217 posts) -
Not really, no.
#42 Posted by LZ71 (10322 posts) -

Nope, but I will eventually. I have yet to tell my parents that I'm no longer a Christian, but I'm not exactly rushing to bring that up anytime soon. Not until I'm out of the house, at least.

Also, I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm gay so I guess when I tell them otherwise that would apply to this thread.

Edit- anyone else having problems with punctuation on here? It keeps getting deleted (like it probably will now).

#43 Posted by Chow_Mein_Kampf (6651 posts) -

Yeah.........When my father found out about my atheist tendencies.....................

#44 Posted by ramealdabest (519 posts) -

Nope, but I will eventually. I have yet to tell my parents that I'm no longer a Christian, but I'm not exactly rushing to bring that up anytime soon. Not until I'm out of the house, at least.

Also, I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm gay so I guess when I tell them otherwise that would apply to this thread.

Edit- anyone else having problems with punctuation on here? It keeps getting deleted (like it probably will now).

LZ71



Elaborate. Please.

#45 Posted by Lucky_Krystal (1730 posts) -

I'm in the same boat as you TC. My grandma is really religious and my mom is sort of, but I'm an atheist. They always try to get me to go to church but I don't want to. I feel like someone else who believes in God and can benefit from faith should be on my spot in the pews, not me. Of course I'd never tell them this. They'd think I was some sort of devil worshipper. Or that my friends convinced me to think this way since apparently they think I'm too stupid to make my own decisions.

And jeez, my grandma even went as far as to say that the current predicament I'm in is because I don't go to church and I'm "blocking my blessings" (when actually its just due to my own irresponsibility). Made me facepalm so hard. I love my Grandma and Mom but I don't agree with their line of thinking.

#46 Posted by GrayF0X786 (3929 posts) -

nah, im very open to all around me, family and freinds, if there was something diffrent about myself, or i wanted some sort of change, i would openly say it so, don't give fvck all what others think, and vice versa.

#47 Posted by Vaultboy-101 (1778 posts) -

Yeah, I've openly told every member of my family that i'm an atheist, one side of my family is almost completely atheist or agnostic, the other side are mostly theists but don't take their religion all too seriously, it's simply a heritage to them. I've also tried to convince my parents, who were Catholics, why belief in a deity is nonsensical, I dare say my father is no longer religious, not sure about my mother. No problems though.

#48 Posted by WiiCubeM1 (4729 posts) -

My parents are hard-core conservatives. My mom is a semi-religious humanitarian with major issues on who she likes to help and my dad is basically Rush Limbaugh in human form.

Both are very old-fashioned in terms of parenting and life-choices.

I am a semi-liberal Republican with an open-minded view on religion (I'm deeply religious myself, but am man enough to admit there are serious issues with it) and have modern viewpoints for many things.

My parents, as much as we disagree on many things, have always known I was different in my worldviews from them and I've never really been afraid to let them know when I thought they were just bullsh*tting me. We still eat dinner at the same table, if you catch my drift.

EDIT: Actually, I just thought of something, but it's the complete opposite of what many of you deal with. My parents believe I hate humanity, am a cynical person, spend time listening to death metal, steal money, and go out drinking and smoking every night with my friends because I'm always with them instead of at home and don't tell them where I go very often.

I reality, I'm the one person of my circle of friends who doesn't have any anger issues, always make the jokes, listen to classical and country music (the "death metal" my parents hear is video game remixes, like this), and spend time with people that drag me to the mall to buy MLP memorabilia and Gamestop. I guess having to tell my parents that I'm a nerd would destroy their preconcieved notions that I'm a cynical degenerate.

#49 Posted by OrianaDorta (3112 posts) -

Thinking about telling my grandma who is a hardcore christian that im not one. Just a theist right now. Im not sure how shes gonna take it but im tired of keeping it a secret. Have you ever had to do something like this? Capitan_Kid

I told my grandma I'm not a believer, she went mad and told me not to try to change her ways of thinking and I told her not to try to change mine :P

#50 Posted by SaudiFury (8707 posts) -

Parents fully aware i'm not religious, though still well versed in it.

Sometimes critical of Muslims acts, often find myself providing the other side of the arguement while not being a bigot.

I'm as fringe social liberal as my family gets as well, which i'd dare say is more centrist then a lot of folks on here.

Kinda shocked about some of my past experiences, as well as the different sorts of people i keep company with. Like they were shocked that i was friends with and knew and liked two transgirls i met while in grad school.

I had one instance this past September where i walked out of the khutba (Friday sermon) because i seriously took issue with the Imam's preaching. Which caught my dad's attention, while not wanting to cause a public issue.