(500) Days of Cancer

One of my favorite movies is (500) Days of Summer. The story follows a guy named Tom as he chronicles all the highs and lows in his relationship with a girl named Summer over the course of a year and a half, or 500 days. Sometimes the story is told backwards, other times it fast-forwards to the present. Even though it's told out of order, in the end it all makes sense why Tom tells it the way he does.

As I've been reflecting on my own past 500 days, it's amazing to think of all that has transpired since Day One. November 24th will be Day 500 in my own ongoing relationship... with cancer.

Much like Tom, my memories tend to come back to me all out of chronological order. They seem to come back grouped in sets of emotions or feelings, like confusion, fear, pain, hope, anger, love, and redemption. As I remember every last chemo drip, blood transfusion, and hospital stay, along with every minor and major victory, I realize how strange the concept of time is. When it's happening, it seems to last forever, yet when you look back it seems like it was just a blink of an eye.

I remember all the hours spent staring at ugly hospital walls and ceilings wondering if I was about to die, and those memories make me feel very old. Yet at the same time, as I walk to class for my junior year of college, zixiutangdietcapsuleit dawns on me how much of life still waits ahead for me. I am only 21, even though I joke about feeling like I'm 81. I'm allowed to be young, to feel young, to want the same things other young people want.

Yes, this experience has made me older and wiser in ways I never anticipated. But my life is not over yet... it is just beginning, if I will let it. I must stop replaying these last 500 days on loop in my brain. I must start a new Day One.

I just don't quite know how to do that, though. Unlike a romantic love interest, cancer doesn't let you break up with it and move on. Cancer always sticks around. Maybe it won't show up physically on the lab reports or scans, but it's always there, in my hopes, my fears, my uncertain future. Cancer is the ultimate question mark on my life, and I wish I could be certain of a good answer. But I have no answers for the future. I only have answers for right now.

Right now, I did not have any traceable evidence of disease show up in my latest bloodwork. I have not relapsed. I am better now than I was this time 500 days ago. That's all I can say for sure. And I'm learning to come to peace with that.

I don't know if there will ever really be a new Day One for me again, but the best I can do is move forward to Day 501 and take it on full-force with the hopes of a Day 502 in the horizon. One day at a time, that's all anyone can do.

You have to come to peace that you had Cancer, I'm in remission as well, and it may be gone for good. You need to move on with your life, eat your wild salmon and broccolli, drink your green tea, and it won't necessarily come back. Something caused my Cancer, not sure what, but I did a big change in my diet. I figure something caused it, and if I don't change something, why wouldn't it come back as I get older and my immune system is more compromised.

By the way I had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, a Blood Cancer (cousin to Leukemia), which in my case was cancerous white B-type blood cells. Been in remission nearly a year. I'm lucky, thanks to a miracle chemical from 1997 my cancer is now curable, lets hope thats what happens. For you as well.

I don't even think about Cancer coming back, I simply do the best I can for myself at the present moment.

Wait till you get in your 30's people you know start dropping like flies.

Hmm...

(500) Days of Cancer-Huffingtonpost

Since when has OT become a place for Blogs?
Post this in your profile, so people who care can look at it.

You just pwned TC with that finding. xD

It sounded too articulate and eloquent for a random new user in a gaming website.

This blog is really interesting....

As someone with cancer, I find this pretty disturbing someone would use it as a way to troll for replies on a forum.

That's the most inspiring and beautifully written troll post ever! Chapeau!

Agreed, I should not have replied to it. As a survivor myself, I do get offended when people say things like " this thread gave me Cancer", trivializing a deadly disease. Let them go through chemotherapy (essentially poison) before they make statements like that.

I feel for you bro, even though I never got cancer (thank God) and i hope I'll never do. Granted I wouldn't know the half of it, but its damn disturbing and disgusting to use the subject to fish for replies or to spam around a forum.