Xbox Live Pays to Ensure Horror Wil Be Funny

This afternoon, cosplayers, gamers, and people waiting for a sure-to-be-standing-room-only Venture Brothers event were treated to a surprise announcement from a panel of horror directors moderated by the infamous Clifford Blezinski (Gears of War). Xbox Live will not be hosting only games, TV shows, movies, and music this fall. In November, download junkies will be able to watch comedic shorts (less-than-or-equal-to 10 minutes in length) written and directed by the biggest names in horror cinema. What follows is an account, from the creators, of what will be involved in each of the shorts:

James Wan and Leigh Whannel have been feeling pigeon-holed in horror despite visceral success at the box office with the Saw series of movies. The duo did little skits for ABC (Australian BBC) before making it big with Saw. "We always wanted to come back to little skits," said Wan. their short film revolves around a guy who dies and goes to dog heaven, instead of real heaven. Not to let the humor of the idea speak for itsef, the audience was shown excerpts in which the protagonist runs over an old lady's dog, gets shot by the old lady, and goes to dog heaven. The concept was dark, hilarious and well executed (pun intended) until the poor fellow in puppy heaven gets involuntarily sodomized by a dog. After the close of the trailer the duo sarcastically quipped, "Why can't we do high-brow comedy?"

James Gunn (actually just Sean Gunn filling in for his older brother) has been looking to explore the human/animal hybrid. After a video by the real james Gunn introduces the younger Gunn as his proxy, Sean introduced his big brother's project: Humanzee. The short starts with a couple suburban males conversing in a driveway. One of the men ordered a man animal child off of the Internet. On cue, in comes humanzee delivered in a dog case. Over the course of the short, people laugh at the perceived mutant, a couple consummate their relationship in Humanzee's pipe-smoking presence, and then the man-creature bites a scantily-clad woman's in the neck.
For anybody wondering, Sean stated "I am James Gunn. I want to tell you I will be giving the proceeds of all of my current and future projects to my talented brother. You can kiss my *****, I don't care what any of you think. I am James Gunn."

David Slade was arguably the pithiest member of the panel. After swearing up a storm, he justified his departure from the clean-language-only policy of the event by saying young people "had to hear it one day." His contrary-to-convention behavior made even more sense once he explained his movie, Meatdog. David bought a computer and then made an animation all by himself. The rest of the seed money provided by Microsoft is allegedly "in a high-interest account." MeatDog has Pork chops for front legs, links for a tail. The frenetic trailer shown revealed a cult of pigs with fezes. MeatDog avoids the Church of Piganzee but altruistically sacrifices part of himself for the good of the world. Many animated dogs not assembled from various cuts of meat, parade through floating scenes punctuated by would-be techno music. One gets a meat cleaver in the opening moments and proceeds to bleed out through the course of the film. Ultimately, the counding show concludes with the inquisitive title "MeatDog: What's fer dinner?" This very well might be the 360's answer to Sony's Little Big Planet.

Lucky McKee has been called the tallest director known by his fellow professionals. He said his film is about "an awkward chick." McKee's show is about a woman who has never left her home and never eaten anything besides hot pockets. The director and lead actor asks of the fair female lead, "you've never been out of your house?" What follows is a comedy of errors as a reclusive and naive young lady discovers just how not like hot pockets spaghetti is and how much a fork in the eye can hurt. Like Slade's effort, this show ends with a statement that reveals the title, "Carlee Baker is Blue Like You."

Andrew Douglas joked, "I don't think mine is funny. Mine is about male pregnancy . . . The film itself is grisly and upsetting at a deep psychological level." Douglas showed a three-minute making of the film instead of a trailer. In the film Jordan Black plays a pregnant man. the trailer touched on the method actor's cravings, mood swings, and swollen stomach. "At the end of the day, there is really nothing you can do to prepare for what's going to come out of your @$$."

John Clishom admitted, "I didn't do comedy, I did horror. Run it." The trailer opened in a school hall. The camera panned low. The lights were off. A voiceover had a weepy girl. A bloody mop hits floor. Anticipation builds. A yelling, disfigured janitor thrusts his face into the camera. The name of the show? Janitor. "Brains on a stick will be sold at Comic-Con next year," says Clishom. It is a boogy man story starring his girlfriend (Jenna Dewan).