Don't be fooled! Video game April Fools' 2014 joke round-up
What shouldn't you believe?
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From the too ridiculous to be believed, to things that make you cry when you learn they're a lie, April Fools' Day is a day when it's impossible to trust anything you read. To help you separate fact from fiction, we're rounding up the best jokes we find:
This one's half true. You can catch Pokemon on your iOS or Android device using the Google Maps app right now. However, you're probably not going to get a job at Google just for finding Pokemon on a map.
This one was our own joke, but most of you caught on pretty quick. Of course the notoriously difficult Dark Souls isn't going to be made easier. If anything, future patches will probably make it even more unrelentingly vicious.
Use your 3D printer to print your games at home and start making real physical games for your PC!
This Blizzard take on Flappy Bird is also a real game you can play right now. You "take on the role of Malthael, the Angel of Death, who's recently returned to Sanctuary with a vengeance." And then you tap to dodge stuff.
It's not playable, but Blizzard went all-out with the screens, character bios, and description for their fake fighting game (which you should read). It also includes a controller with a built-in credit card reader: "Speed up your in-game purchases and give your character some extra punch with this convenient credit card swipe strip right there on the controller!"
Maybe you'd like to join a match of "PEW PEW," "YOLO," or "Bro, Do u even cap?"
A developer diary shows how Cryptic is balancing dragons as a new playable race for their Neverwinter MMO. Watch the video above to see OP dragons wearing hats and riding mounts.
In a Steam Community statement, developer Vlambeer announces they're taking their upcoming game in a new direction: first-person shooter.
The first "official premium DLC for Arma 3" mimics the Van Damme "truck splits" commercial to introduce the game's upcoming kart expansion.
Path of Exile replaces the former "play to win" mentality with the idea that, "Wins should be consumable and sold in stacks so that players have to keep buying more," and, "Price-wise, you should nickel and dime the players. That's why we chose a price of $0.15 per win."
Cuddle up with Garrus Vakarian in this one-of-a-kind body pillow available on the BioWare store. "This therapeutic companion pillow provides comfort and protection when your guard is down."
Charge your phones and batteries by plugging them into cakes and cereal (editor's note: don't actually do this). Sony says "By creating an enzyme that enables the chemical energy of organic matter to be transferred directly into gadgets, we're bringing about the next step in electronic evolution. Voltaic Enzyme."
The "favour system" will "allow adventurers to grow even closer to their favorite NPCs." It's like a dating sim in an MMO...this actually sounds kind of awesome.
For the low, low cost of $7,000,000.00, you can become a part of Destiny's lore by taking a trip to the "cold and unforgiving vacuum of space."
You can actually play this new game from World of Tanks developer Wargaming, but it's slightly lower-budget than the actual WoT game. The Crayfish is a flash game where you fight off an endless army of killer crustaceans.
im back! FEZ II is back on!— PHIL FISH (@PHIL_FISH) April 1, 2014
This isn't confirmed to be a lie...but it's pretty unlikely. Game designer Phil Fish tweeted that Fez II is back on!
You can watch the "new ROM" for Mega Man's spiritual successor Mighty No. 9 in action starring the Apple robots above.
The size of the heads of all characters in Guild Wars 2 have been increased 200%. But don't worry, the change is temporary.
A fake trailer for the content also says that the game also features "Prime Time," a new song by Linkin Park.
World of Warplanes gets UFOs
A press release says that all players will get a free "Tier 5 German Kampfflugplatte Sleipnir I UFO."
Remember Nester from the old Nintendo Power magazine cartoon Howard and Nester? A spoof site (with incredibly terrible art) will try to convince you that the the red-headed protagonist is in the next version of Smash Bros. The art is pretty terrible, but the page layout mimics the official Smash Bros. site well.
The new trailer for War of the Vikings shows off Thor-like hammer throwing abilities, the ability to fly, and "God-like Fury," which rains death down from the heavens.
From the official Sony Killzone blog comes a movie direct by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. The site says, "The movie focuses on the events depicted in Killzone: Shadow Fall after the Helghast settle on planet Vekta."
This one goes pretty deep with multiple joke layers, but it's a funny read.
NeoGeo game Windjammers gets an update from Divekick developer
In a press release from Iron Galaxy for Windjammers Hyper Deluxe eSports edition, the game is described as an "updated online multiplayer focused version of the game launching in July of this year for $19.99."
Temple Run developer sends out press release, buys Doodle Jump dev for $1 billion cash
In the wake of the Facebook/Oculus acquisition, Imangi Studios had their own fun writing, "Imangi’s idea to buy Lima Sky was sparked from the simple, disruptive idea of creating a game that will have 1 trillion installs. Igor Pusenjak, CEO of Lima Sky, elaborated: “Imangi told us they wanted to combine the endless jumper with the endless runner to create the ultimate gaming hit, and we were sold. The combined game Doodle Temple Jumping Run will be out later this year."
Kickstarter loses the "e," rebrands itself Kickstartr
The popular way of getting games funded is changing things up. In a press release, Kickstarter wrote, "By changing back to Kickstartr sitewide, we reduce load time and bandwidth use across the board. Based on our current user base and daily page loads, dropping the “e” will actually save us (and you) a collective 14 TB of data usage annually."
The from Raptr CEO Dennis Fong's collection, you can win this Ferrari that includes "John Carmack’s grocery list dated 4/1/95 folded up in glovebox." If you've got enough points, you can check out the full redemption guide here.
League of Legends introduces Ultra Rapid Fire
The game will remove mana and energy costs, institute an 80% cool-down reduction on skill, activatable items, and summoner skills, and introduce other new "rapid fire" perks.
The is incredibly extensive list is a long read, but it's full of gems like, "New Ability: Renounce. When cast, Renounce permanently changes the Paladin into a Warrior."
This flash game from Square Enix gives you two options: "Steal" or "Run" (the one in the lower-right corner). It's all in Japanese, but everyone can appreciate the art!
Always stoking the flames for Phantasy Star, but never quite delivering. You can play this Flappy Bird clone with Rappy on the Sega site.
From the website, "'I mean, it doesn’t sound very good, but who cares?! It’s got tons of lights.' – Jane Doe"
Here are a few other sample headlines that might not have been written yet, but that you'll probably read somewhere before the end of the day tomorrow:
- Video game company X buys video game company y (i.e. Microsoft buys Nintendo)
- Game publisher known for one type of game makes a game using that IP in a new and ridiculous genre (i.e. Battlefield kart racer)
- Anything at all related to Half-Life 3