I'm Amazed my NES Didn't blow a fuse while I played this game.
Learning Curve: 10 Minutes
Score: 1 out of 10
You know that pose that Arnold does for the terminator movie? where he has the gun pointed up? like he does on the cover of this game? Well if they change that image a little to him blowing his head off than you'll get a idea of what my review of this game will be like. The first thing I really got to point out is I think this game is a little deceptive reason? Because the first screen when the game starts it shows the Terminator and it says: "Fight your way to the Skynet Base to Travel Back to 1984." So right off the bat I was thinking "Do I play as the Terminator in this game?" I could care less if I played as that walking tin can or the guy who gets his body fried at the end of the movie. But come to find out after that first scene is over you play indeed as Kyle Reese if it is him hell I couldn't tell with that **** 80's hair it had. Another thing I want to comment on is don't you just love the **** opening music for the game? I don't think it sounded anything like that in the movie, than again I may be wrong (I'm prone to being wrong some times.) The game starts off with level one which I think is either a sewer or a base I can't really tell because the level layout is so horrendous it isn't funny! I don't know why they would be in the sewer so lets say it's the base if it's the base than they went against what we all thought was a standard for the Assembly bases for the terminators because if you watched the teaser trailer for T2 you'll see how the assembly base was dark but also clean, well in this game it's a **** MESS! I mean you have broken pipes **** leaking green crap all over the place I'm pretty sure that it would damage the CPU's of the Terminators if they were in that crap, so your objective is to constantly climb higher and higher I swear to god if this was a assembly base it's the tallest **** one ever made! if it's a sewer than I swear that it's also the tallest one either way it's still a nightmare of a mash up of pixels to look at. After what seems like a hour of climbing you finally make it out of the Sewer/Base and it seems your either on the top of buildings or on floating platforms (Real terminator like right?) and your running constantly to the left, I mean when have you ever played a side scroller level where your going to the left isn't it always going to the right? Hell this game goes against everything that is suppose to be the terminator lets just **** with the way that side Scrollers should be. So your running and running to the **** left and in the background you have the same background it's a series of 5 buildings I guess it's suppose to be LA I can't tell they look so generic and it just repeats over and over again. I know what your thinking your thinking: "Well Jeff they do that to save on money during development." I'm OK with that there is one **** thing I don't like though and that's when the put something in that there is only one of and they use it over and over again and I'm talking about the moon that's right that bastard cycles though that level about 4 or 5 times, I know I dropped out of high school but I'm pretty sure our planet has only one **** MOON! Well after running to the left for about 5 minutes you now enter a **** driving mission it's a known fact Driving missions weren't that good on the original NES and boy did it ever suck it up in this game. the first part of this driving mission is your trying to shoot down a Flying HK (Hunter Killer ) unit in all it's chrome color goodness after you shoot down the Flying HK you move onto part two of the driving mission you fight...... a purple ground HK unit that's right a **** Purple HK unit when in hell were the HK's ever **** purple? I thought all the skynet creations had the same Chrome color scheme maybe this one wanted to join the gay pride parade the year this game came out, hell I don't know and I don't care! this game SUCKS. Thank god this is the last mission during the future phase of the game now before I move onto whats next I want to comment about something that really fried my balls it's actually two things. During the Sewer/Base mission you came across EndoSkeletons that....jumped and I don't mean little jumps these things were like **** leaping frogs when did the terminator ever leap into the air like he does in this game? I'm not referring to the TX from T3 that's a advanced model I'm referring to the standard foot soldiers for Skynet in T1 They didn't! the other thing I want to comment on is that if this is Kyle Reese it looks like he's killing other resistance fighters in this level people who are dressed up just like he is, I'll probably have people say well they could be Terminators in infiltration mode (Meaning they have the skin) that could be true but if Kyle is under attack why have spy units attack him also? It doesn't make sense so lets just say that he is killing other humans why would he be doing that? Two answers come to mind one: they could be callibrators and if that's the case than **** yea shoot the hell out of them no one likes traitors or number two: Kyle Reese went **** ape **** nuts before coming to 1984 but than again this game is so **** far from the movie isn't isn't funny so lets just make it make even less sense. Now onto the year 1984 it says: "You find the time Machine and set it for Los Angeles, 1984" and once again it has the picture of the Terminator why isn't it Kyle Reese if it's him why do they show the terminator? OK, now your in 1984 on the streets of LA now if I remember Both Kyle Reese and The Terminator was Nude in the beginning of the game so basically they skipped several parts of the movie right away because Kyle already has his clothing but the odd thing is he doesn't have a shotgun he stole one from the **** cop car why doesn't he have one in the game right now? Just another sign that people didn't research the movie that much if they ****ed up on a vital part of the game such as giving your character a weapon. Meanwhile your going through the streets of LA which must be the most **** cluttered streets of 1980's America because there are platforms and **** in that level that doesn't make any sense your main objective like before is to **** go to the left, really didn't the einstein's who made this game realize that Side Sc rollers go RIGHT! there are 3 standard things on this part of the level you have Bums/City Folk, Cops and Green Dogs.......that's right Green **** Dogs hell they ****ed up everything else in this game let's just make a whole new breed and color of the dog lets call it the **** "Green DOG" foe some odd reason only the cop and dog wants to hurt you, I can understand the Cop but why would the wild dogs want to hurt Kyle? in the movie they used Dogs as helpers in fighting the Terminators but oh well after you get done with this area of the level you find yourself in a building with a worst water leaking problem than my apartment. I bet you just love remembering that part of the movie where Kyle Reese was walking around in a **** leaking building....That's because IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! After walking around the building once again avoiding Bums. cops and GREEN DOGS you now find yourself climbing down ladders I mean why the **** would Kyle Reese go into a building just to go all the way up and than down ladders? After clearing all the ladders he is running on the ground again this time he's going to the **** Right Oh my freaking god he went to the right they finally got one thing right, all they got to do now is fix the rest of the 1 million things wrong with this game. What I just love is after doing those three things on this level after you get to the right it says you found Sarah Conner, NO HE DIDN'T I mean he doesn't even have his shotgun how the hell could he have found her and if he did how did he rescue her? Using his Fists of Fury? that's right he has punching fists in this level. The Next Level of the game is one of those crappy Top Down driving levels like what you saw in Who Framed Roger Rabbit you know, the kind with the godawful driving? Yea it's one of them anyway your car is Brown which is a total let down because the car Kyle and Sarah escape in is Blue they couldn't even get the color right for a simple thing like the car, wait it gets better the police car that the Terminator Drives is Purple That's right it's purple the same color that the **** Ground HK was and the same shade that **** Barney the Dinosaur is. Also what I find to be really funny is the fact that now you have your shotgun so you are now trying to shoot and drive the controls are so bad it's like trying to ..... Hell I can't find a thing that's as bad as the controls are in this level just use your imagination and there is one other car that seems to always go across on the roads in front of you it's always green god it's embarrassing that I even made it this far in anyway about 3 blocks in on the game the level ends and once again you are given a message that reads: "You are taken to the Police Station Fast, Find Sarah" And once again it uses the pic of the Terminator I'm just curious did the person who play Kyle not agree to use his image for this game and if that's true is it because he knew this game sucked? You are now in the police station which is one of those two level deals where half the screen is on floor one and the other half is on floor two basically your running around to the **** left again the level takes about 4 minutes if your on a speed run after you get to the far left on the second floor another message comes up it says: "You found me lets get out of here before he comes." This time it's a pic of Sarah Conner so lets get this straight we have 3 pics of the Terminator and 1 of Sarah Connor I'm still waiting for at least one of Kyle Reese anyway once you get out of the Police station it's back to that **** stupid who framed roger rabbit driving driving top down perspective, this time your in a brown truck it's a truck at least but the **** truck was BLACK! and the Terminator is on his Motorcycle of course it's purple like the **** cop car, Ground HK and Barney, the roads are more narrow and your all over the place because the controls suck. You can't help but Bounce off the Wall like a **** ping pong ball this goes on for awhile till the Video game Gods comes down from the heavens and puts this game out of it's misery...No actually there is another screen with the Message: "You made it to the factory now destroy the Terminator." That's right they didn't even add one of the best parts the sex scene, I wouldn't mind seeing some pixel on pixel action hell this game sucked why not give me something nice to look at for a change? Oh of course the pic of of the **** Terminator I feel Gypped I would have liked to at least see once who my character is.
Your now in the factory which is the standard grey color with other industrial colors. and your goal is to use boxes to make platforms to get to the end which is of course by going to the **** LEFT one thing I notice is in this level there's more than one freaking terminator when did this happen in the movie? was it a deleted scene? I actually put in my DVD of the Terminator to check it out and yep there was no second Terminator so I must have figured they just messed up but here is the catch Kyle Reese if that's who you are never died he ends up killing the terminator in the press and you get a message saying: "Congratulations you Saved Sarah Connor and killed the T-101 good work Solider." That's right Kyle lives so how the hell does T2 Pick up after this game and why wasn't Kyle Reese Still alive in the T2 Game? This just goes to show that Movie Based Games Hardly ever work anyway onto the score this game gets a pathetic 1 out of 10 because of the fact it strayed so far from the game it isn't funny Wrong Colored Cars, Leaking Bases/Sewers and the lack of a shotgun really ****ed this game up and to top it off it just sucked all around it gets a 1 out of 10 Period.