A worthy tribute to our unsung heroes, the street cleaners.

User Rating: 10 | Street Cleaning Simulator PC
I first played Street Cleaning Simulator about a year ago, and I have been playing it over and over ever since like a man possessed. So anyway, when I first played it it was with my best friend. We popped it in and started playing. I rarely get touchy while playing video games, but this game was so moving in every aspect that I started crying about five minutes into the game and by the time the credits rolled, I was basically bawling my eyes out. My friend didn't even look at me after it was over and he has never played a video game with me since. I have no idea why.

The game's script was written by many well-known geniuses the likes of Roald Dahl, Joanne Rowling, Jamie Rix, Aristotle, Mark Twain and Arnold Schwarzenegg-whatsisname, Stephen King, Sylvester Stallone and a small chipmunk. In fact, there are very few famous people who have not worked on this game one way or another.

So, anyway, you play as a street cleaner who has made it his life's mission to clean the streets of vermin. While little toddlers pore over comic books and movies and licensed garbage video games of men wearing their underwear on the outside and wearing a cape as if they're going to the opera, this real-life superhero puts his truck on the road and cleans, cleans, cleans. He never rests because he knows that if he does, the streets will get dirty. And if they get dirty, he drives his car to the edge of a cliff and stays there.

Our street cleaning superhero apparently doesn't have a stereo in his truck, so there is no music. Smart choice because otherwise every time he gets off a bunch of bad guys in masks would smash the windows, steal his stereo and leave a note sneering at his taste in music. And since he's busy fighting the real evil: smidgens of dust, he would not be able to stop them. Oh well, he fares much better than other superheroes. They never fight crime in neighbourhoods that need it. I'd like to see Batman fight crime in my neighbourhood.


"Yes Batman?"

"Didn't we park the car right here, man?"

Along the way, our hero encounters other cars whose drivers are either busy defying gravity or driving their vehicles full pelt into your truck in a desperate effort to ram it off the road. Obviously these are the same people who say, "Littering is a very bad habit," and at the same time drop a banana peel in the middle of the road, ready for the next unfortunate wretch to cross the road. But our hero here... he stops it. He risks it all. The game lasts a good long time itself, but you will play it over and over and over again because it's so damn addictive. And in the end, there is only one gripe with this game - the inclusion of Stephenie Meyer in the credits. I can't forgive that. They should have had her work uncredited. Big Rigs, I've got two words for you: ha and ha. Turns out, a street cleaner surpasses a big rig in every way. So there you have it. It's not the reigning champ of video games (which is Valkyria Chronicles II. Sorry, I can't help myself even in troll reviews), but it's definitely one of the top contenders.