Sonic Trys to make a 2D scrolled come back and fails. And I defended it.
This is the old timer once again. Here to deliver you from the evils of the septic tank. My bro Boros tackled the stain that is Sonic Colors on the Wii. Well Old man Jerk is going after the hand held version. But since this game had an old school theme to it I'm putting my the way I do old school games in this one as well. I usually tell the story at this point but I wont. I refuse to put it here it belongs in one of the lower columns. Get ready fan boys read all this and you may grow some testicles.
The Good:
The old school flavor of this game gave me Nam flash backs that made me want to break out my hi tops and start playing Nirvana and Slayer. I must say that this game did have some fun levels and made me love playing some of them.
Game Play:
Using all of those different buttons made you thing you were driving a jet plane to take out some sorry bastard over seas. Very high speed and intense gaming is a very nice touch to this game. I cant come plain on the fundamentalism of this game. I would be doltish to say that this game was not at least fun at points. And the welcomed red wisp that turns you into a ball of soul toasting energy made the game a little sweeter. Graphics:
The graphics were 2D but some times 3D. The 3D was blocky at times and made me think of the dreadful days of sonic fighters and Sega Saturn.
Music:
The music was a little more 16 bit than the Wii version. I must say it was not to bad but it did give me horrible head aches.
The Bad:
OK now that I've satisfied the adolescent inhibitions, it is high time I tell you just how this old boy feels about this game. For starters the fact that they had the entire sonic cast save vector make an NPC appearance made me think " are they just trying to piss me off!" Well let me tell you right now they have more than archived their goal. None of the characters excluding Shadow even acted like their selves in the mini cut scenes that lead you to irrelevant side missions made me sick. The fact that they brought back the button smashing cannon grave that Sonic CD gave it made me so mad I felt like tossing my DS across the damn house. OK now that you guys have heard all the small things that were bad here is the story that I think is more that deserving to be listed as a bad element of this game. Eggman takes his fat ass up to space and kid naps alien wisp. OK not only did those jerk offs at SEGA ripped off of Mario Galaxy it ripped off of the fairy tells my great pure blooded Irish grand mother told me. Thanks SEGA give a bad name to some thing else that my people hold dear. Any way then he built a 7 parked themed park. OK if this is not enough to make you say that SEGA is running out of good story's it gets worse. I don't like to but spoilers in my reviews so If you want to know more play this royal piece of crap. This games story is beyond reproach.
The Ugly:
The fact that silver made a appearance and the very mention that they had him say he travel made me want to vomit but the fact that he says this and I F@#$ING quote " In future the sky is blue and every one has a smile on their face's" excuse me....... OK Im back from the toilet I could not help but I had to blow chunks. The boss fights were either too easy or too bull. The fact that one of them can heal him self made me madder than a wet hen. It get worse, the fact that before you can enter a new area that you just unlocked you had to take you your stylist out and touch the wisp that represented that place. This got beyond annoying. The fact that you played two acts then fought the boss of the area you were in made this game far to short and to easy. I would not have died as many times as I did is because of another fat load of crap this game delivered, Asteroid Coaster. This area alone would make make me give this game if every thing else was spot on perfect a 6 of 10. This not being the case it just adds insult to injury. The fact that they ripped off pack man in this area with a tyrannosaurus Rex scull that tries to eat you and is a insta kill if he catches you is just bull **** OK all this may have been forgiven in the eyes of Jerk if it were not for the anti climatic fight between you and Dragosarus Rex that consist of you knocking all of the colored wisp out and turning Sonic into Prince and Sir Elton John's love child to kill it just pissed me off to the point of no return. And the fact that you had to mash the Y button to kill this monster made it worse. Ugh!
Jerks conclusion:
After playing this game on and off for about 8 hours and thinking about how I would conclude this games review I must say that when it comes to how bad this game was it really dose rival the **** of Sonic 06. Boros you were right my brother. My closing statement... F@#$ you SEGA!